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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29272767">I'm Yours to Keep, I'm Yours to Lose (Long Story Short, I'm All About You)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wherehopelies/pseuds/wherehopelies'>wherehopelies</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Victorious (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>CANON COMPLIANT forgot to say that... it's just a lil in the fuuuuturrreee, Coffee, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Jealousy!!!, a bit of sexi times, and tori vega gets a gay awakening, angst and fluff bc we gotta have both!!!, but theyre just lil, christmas break nostalgia......... you know what im talking about, definitely a lil crying over each other, enemies to friends to lovers???? idk, happy ending tho OBV, jade is actually a softie if you read close enough, kind of, losers cannot communicate, me: i will casually pepper in as many taylor swift references as i can, popstar tori and director jade, some OCs bc i gotta, summer jobs :/ fuck your teen coworkers, these bitches gonna be famous, too many tags.... my bad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 03:35:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>61,559</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29272767</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wherehopelies/pseuds/wherehopelies</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"The prospect of enduring the summer without most of her friend group hit Jade unexpectedly. Despite the annoying bickering, creative tensions, and constant disagreements, Jade had grown used to having these people in her life, to seeing them every day, to -- ugh -- caring about what’s happening with them. They were her friends and now they were gone and suddenly Jade had to grapple with the prospect of an entire summer in the sole company of Tori Fucking Vega."</p><p>Jade and Tori find themselves connecting the summer after they graduate high school, but it's just never that easy with the two of them, is it? Or in the words of Taylor Swift: Hell was the journey, but it brought me heaven.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tori Vega/Jade West</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>107</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>343</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. gorgeous (jade)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A/N: basically evermore came out and i immediately was like "this gives me jori feels" and despite being mid-long-ass fic for my other ship, i didn't stop thinking about it for a month until i finally was like fuck this im writing jori!! so now we're here. it's my first jori fic, so thanks for reading :) if u see 1000 taylor swift references in this then yes u did! if you are from jori fandom, thank u for clicking. if u are from pp fandom...... thanks for following me here u are the real mvp.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jade didn’t know if it was by choice or by force what happened the summer after their senior year. Perhaps by choice, because nobody made her do things she didn’t want to do, but the circumstances of the summer certainly helped it along. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Graduation came and went, and in the two weeks after, everyone shipped off one-by-one. Beck to Madrid on an extended modeling contract. Andre to an Atlanta-based internship. Cat and Sam to Seattle, at least for the summer. Robbie to somewhere (Jade hadn’t been listening because who the fuck cared) for comedy camp. The only one from their friend group staying in LA was Tori, who’d deferred her college acceptance when she signed with RPX Records.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The prospect of enduring the summer without most of her friend group hit Jade unexpectedly. Despite the annoying bickering, creative tensions, and the constant disagreements, Jade had grown used to having these people in her life, to seeing them every day, to -- </span>
  <em>
    <span>ugh</span>
  </em>
  <span> -- caring about what’s happening with them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(Except maybe Robbie. Robbie was always the exception.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were her friends and now they were gone and suddenly Jade had to grapple with the prospect of an entire summer in the sole company of Tori Fucking Vega. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori, of course, was the first one to reach out, asking Jade to go to Nozu one night a few days after all of their friends had left. And, whatever, Jade wasn’t one to deny herself some sushi, and fine, maybe Tori wasn’t that bad anymore. Maybe they even kind of got along, finding a mild tolerance of each other somewhere between all their senior projects and showcases and stupid shenanigans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, like, whatever. She went for the fucking California Rolls and the dreadful karaoke, and if she stayed because Tori wasn’t, like, absolutely horrid to be around for once in her life, then so be it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade planned to use the summer to finalize some of her ongoing projects and find funding for her newer ideas, but these things took time. Between all that, she was in desperate need of some cash and that was, of course, the only reason she could be found sulking in the Regal Cinemas at the mall. If anyone asked, she didn’t work there. Her attire consisting of a black Regal Cinemas shirt and a nametag with her name and favorite movie (</span>
  <em>
    <span>The Scissoring, </span>
  </em>
  <span>obviously</span>
  <em>
    <span>)</span>
  </em>
  <span> was just a personal wardrobe choice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because nobody made her do things she didn’t want to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> you work there,” Tori was saying to her one night when they were in Tori’s living room, scavenging the last scraps of a pizza that Trina (back from college for the summer) had abandoned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Jade denied, despite having been caught in the act by Tori herself the previous day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>(Really, who goes to matinees by themselves on a Tuesday? Lame ass grandmas and Tori Fucking Vega, apparently).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jade.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tori.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori narrowed her eyes at her, but like Jade was gonna break at one weak ass eye-narrowing from Tori Vega. Seriously?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, fine!” Tori huffed, throwing her pizza crust on Jade’s plate out of frustration. The audacity of the bitch. “I just don’t get why you work there when we literally live in a city that supports independent cinemas more than any other city in the country. And yet Jade West, self-proclaimed indie film lover, chooses a Regal in the mall? No way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade picked at the crust, shrugging nonchalantly. “It’s the anonymity. Hollywood Arts students wouldn’t be caught dead at a Regal.” She snorted. “Except you, apparently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Five dollar Tuesday is a great deal, okay?” When Jade said nothing else, Tori, ever-persistent, kept going. “So </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it was between that and the yogurt place and unlike some people in this room, I’m not an idiot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori rolled her eyes. “No, you gank. Why are you even working a job like that? What about your films?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade scowled. “Well, films cost money and I need a new still-cam and I don’t have any cash right now. Not all of us were offered recording contracts right out of high school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori seemed to have nothing to say to that accusation, and for the first time all night, dropped it. She was looking at Jade, her eyes doing some weird, intense thing that could’ve been curiosity but felt a little too much like pity for Jade’s taste. And yeah, fuck that shit, thanks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grabbed the remote off the coffee table and flipped on the TV.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” Tori asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade managed to resist the urge to roll her eyes because she was like, growing as a person or whatever. “Finding a movie to watch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, but nothing too gory.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She noticed </span>
  <em>
    <span>28 Weeks Later</span>
  </em>
  <span> on the guide and turned it on. It wasn’t so scary or disturbing that Tori would say anything probably and it was also in the realm of movies that Jade actually enjoyed, so. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Compromise. It was kind of the only thing holding this tenuous friendship together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Jade</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s Adam Sandler.” Jade scowled, resisting the urge to throw her phone. “I need you to give me a ride.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Okay? Where are you?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“My house.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Okay, see you in ten.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori ended the call and Jade pulled her phone away from her ear, gaping at it. That was easy. How had it been that easy? When she’d hit the call button, she’d been prepared to beg, bribe, and blackmail. Okay fine, blackmail only, but still. Tori hadn’t needed convincing, hadn’t even asked why or where.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It made a weird prickly feeling rise in her stomach that she wasn’t totally convinced might not be the early signs of food poisoning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Good to her word, Tori showed up ten minutes later. Jade pushed up from where’d been sitting on her front steps and got in the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where to?” Tori asked, adjusting her sunglasses on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mall,” Jade grunted. “Late for work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori put the car in drive and pulled away from the curb. “Where’s your car?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Battery's dead.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bummer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade just grunted again and started fiddling with the radio. They rode most of the drive in relative silence and Jade thought, fleetingly, that it was the easiest fifteen minutes she’d ever spent with Tori in her life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori shattered that illusion when they were two blocks away. “Do you need a ride after work?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori frowned, glancing over at her. “How are you gonna get home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade shrugged. “Take a bus or get a ride or something, I dunno. I’ll figure it out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard it might rain,” Tori said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade raised a disbelieving eyebrow. “This is LA, it doesn’t rain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t take the bus. Call me and I’ll come get you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d actually rather take the bus.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jade!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade huffed. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m giving you a ride right now! If I give you one later, what’s the difference?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I only asked because I’m late as fuck and I don’t have time to wait for the bus! Plus, I hate waiting for the bus! Drop me off at that entrance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to wait for it later, either! I’m offering to drive you home!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade threw her hands up as Tori pulled up to the closest entrance. “If you pick me up, you’re buying me coffee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine!” Jade got out of the car and slammed the door behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori rolled down the window. “Call me when you want to be picked up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Jade said, the definition of obstinance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye, have a good shift!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade scowled as she stomped away from the car. “Don’t tell me what to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade obviously wasn’t going to call. She’d stepped out of the mall after her shift and there hadn’t been a rain cloud in sight, just a smoggy blue sky. Classic LA. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t need a ride, especially one probably consisting of Tori making small talk and like, some sad attempt at conversation regarding their continued summer plans. Hard pass to that joyous activity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She strode across the parking lot, the bus stop in sight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s as far as she got, though, because there at the bus stop was probably the one person from Hollywood Arts she wanted to see even less than Tori Vega.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sinjin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Um, yeah, fuck </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> with a prickly cactus. She pulled out her phone and found Tori's stupid contact info.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Adam Sandler, so good to hear from you again. You ready for your ride?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade maybe smiled at that, but the call was thankfully audio only. “Meet me behind the mall.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade would never admit it, but when Tori finally pulled up outside the mall, Jade was actually happy to see her. The LA sun was harsh and dry, and Jade could already feel the beginnings of a sunburn on her cheeks. She wasn’t sweating, </span>
  <em>
    <span>obviously</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but to say the air conditioned interior of Tori’s car didn’t make her smile would be bordering on a lie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Tori chirped as soon as Jade was settled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Jade sighed, reveling in the way the cool air hit her hot cheeks. Thank fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori gave a small chuckle like she knew exactly what Jade was thinking. Jade ignored her, but then Tori plucked a Jet Brew cup from the cup holder and held it out to her. “Here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade automatically took it, frowning at it. “Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori raised an eyebrow. “Thought you wanted coffee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… You know my coffee order?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” When Jade continued to stare, Tori rolled her eyes. “Really? We’ve been friends for how many years and I see you drink like, three of these a day. Obviously I know your order.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> order. And we're not friends.” But that wasn’t true, Jade realized. She actually did know Tori’s coffee order, even if she hadn’t memorized it intentionally. And fine, maybe they were kind of friends. Like, barely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori shrugged and started driving, clearly not buying into Jade's denial. After a second, she glanced over at Jade. “You smell like popcorn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade scowled. “Yeah, I had to babysit my stupid twerp of a coworker on concessions today because my boss loves to make people suffer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you also love to make people suffer? Guess you guys have that in common. You should look into management.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade narrowed her eyes at Tori across the console. “You’re hilarious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori grinned. “Do you get to sit in on movies?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes, but there’s nothing good out. I saw the last like, twenty minutes of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Godzilla</span>
  </em>
  <span> and that was barely tolerable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori made a sound of acknowledgement but appeared to have no further obnoxious questions and turned the music up. Jade sipped at her coffee happily. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit</span>
  </em>
  <span> that was good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a minute, Tori spoke up again. “When I left my house to come get you, Trina was rehearsing an audition for </span>
  <em>
    <span>Les Mis.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Her ‘On My Own’ sounded like a yodeler being attacked by a flock of seagulls and I’m not exaggerating.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade snorted. “Shut up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori used one hand to unlock her phone and pull up the videos. She handed it to Jade. “Click that first one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade opened the video and hit play. She immediately cringed at Trina’s voice in the background, although the front-facing video was of Tori’s grimacing face. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>On my own, pretending he’s beside me. All alone, I walk with him -- ”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade closed out of the video and handed the phone back. She’d heard enough.  A laugh bubbled up her throat. “God, she’s insane.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Tori whined. “I don’t know how I’m related to her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re insane, too.” Tori opened her mouth to respond, but Jade cut her off. “But yeah, at least you have some kind of talent. Trina is tone-deaf.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori glanced at her again. “You think I’m talented?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade groaned. “Don’t do this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fish. You know you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori chuckled. “Maybe. It’s nice to hear you admit it, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever.” Jade rolled her eyes. “So that’s all you did today? Record Trina’s shitty singing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I was thinking about going on a hike with my mom, but,” Tori shrugged. “She left when I was giving you a ride this morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Jade scrunched her nose and looked out the window, desperately fighting off the uncomfortable creeping in of </span>
  <em>
    <span>emotion</span>
  </em>
  <span> that was currently happening. It wasn’t like it was Jade’s fault. Tori didn’t have to give her a ride if she’d had plans. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway,” Tori continued on, like Jade wasn’t grappling with an unwelcome and unfamiliar wave of guilt. “My parents are hosting a party for the Fourth next week. You should come.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade raised an eyebrow. “Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are they having a party?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why should I come?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori shot her a confused look. “Because it’ll be fun and you obviously aren’t doing anything else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade narrowed her eyes. “Well, just for that comment, I’m so not coming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Jade</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Tori huffed. “I just meant everyone else is gone so there’s not any other parties.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know my plans.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori pouted. “Okay, </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> you have other plans, then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Jade said. “But I </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please come,” Tori whined. “My dad is going to barbecue and I can’t be stuck alone with Trina and a bunch of 40-something parents. I just can’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It sounded like Jade’s worst nightmare. No fucking way. And yet… “Is there gonna be alcohol?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toru shrugged. “Beer probably.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I have to wear an American flag shirt?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori grinned. “No. Wear whatever you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Whatever</span>
  </em>
  <span> I want?” Jade could work with that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. Whatever. Just please come.” It was then that Tori finally pulled up outside Jade’s house. She turned to look at Jade. “If it’s horrible, we can go up to my room and watch any movie you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Huh. “Any movie I want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori’s expression turned apprehensive, but she nodded. “Yeah, sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori beamed. “Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Stop smiling like that.” Jade rolled her eyes and got out of the car. She hesitated before shutting the door. “Thanks for the ride and the coffee and... whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way Tori smiled at her, all soft and happy, made Jade’s stomach flop over. Absolutely disgusting. “No problem. I’ll text you about the barbecue.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Kay. Whatever. Later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shut the door on Tori’s goodbye. As she stepped into her house, she spared a glance back at the car in the driveway and offered a last wave over her shoulder before closing the door behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Vegas’ yard was already pretty crowded by the time Jade showed up to the party. It was mostly other adults Tori’s parents’ age, but there were a few younger kids running around, too. Jade side-eyed them warily. No way in hell was she gonna get stuck babysitting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took her a minute, but she finally found Tori talking to a middle-aged woman and looking extremely uncomfortable with the topic of conversation. Her face was one of polite interest, but Jade could see the unpleasant twisting of her lips, the same look she wore whenever Rex was speaking about… well, just whenever Rex was speaking, really.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade held back for a moment, if only because Tori’s expression was turning comically more uncomfortable by the second. Instead she took a minute to appreciate Tori’s outfit, which was…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, there were many words Jade might use to describe it, some of which included </span>
  <em>
    <span>patriotic, spirited,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and, frankly, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking horrible</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but one of which was also </span>
  <em>
    <span>hot</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and that threw her for a momentary loop. Tori had on an American flag tank top, although Jade had expected that, considering Tori owned an absurd amount of clothes with American flags on them. She was also wearing very low cut, very frayed jean shorts, half-calf white tube socks that had red and blue horizontal stripes at the top, and a pair of red Converse. Her hair was long and wavy down her back and she’d rolled up an American flag bandana and tied it, long-ways, across her forehead. To top the look off, she had on a pair of dark, tinted aviators. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade took the ensemble in for a moment, feeling a little off-kilter and a lot annoyed that she actually found this look attractive, but she didn’t have more time to process that because it was then that Tori finally noticed her. Or Jade at least assumed she did, despite the aviators over her eyes, because as soon as her head turned in Jade’s direction, her face completely rearranged itself from that twisted discomfort and into something resembling happiness, which was… weird.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade found herself smiling back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori said something to the woman and finally broke away, crossing over to Jade in a few quick steps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” She said, reaching out to squeeze Jade’s shoulder. Jade gaped at the offending hand until Tori quickly snatched it back. “You came!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade raised her eyebrows. “I said I would.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know,” Tori nodded. “I just thought… Anyway. Thank God because Mrs. Meyers was trying to set me up with her son. We went to Sherwood together and,” Tori cringed, lowering her voice, “he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>obsessed</span>
  </em>
  <span> with golf. All he talks about is golf. Once, I asked him his favorite movie and he said something called </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hole in One</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Not even like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Caddyshack</span>
  </em>
  <span> or </span>
  <em>
    <span>Happy Gilmore</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’m not dating someone obsessed with golf. I’m just not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you shouldn’t,” Jade agreed because yeah, no. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you hungry?” Tori asked. “I think my dad’s almost done grilling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade opened her mouth to respond, but was rudely cut off by the sudden appearance of Trina, who was looking at Jade with clear disdain. The feeling was mutual. “Tori! What is </span>
  <em>
    <span>she</span>
  </em>
  <span> doing here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori crossed her arms. “I invited her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trina looked her up and down. “I’ve seen people at a convent dressed more patriotically than you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade didn’t think </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> was fair. This tank top was red even if the rest of her outfit was black. “I don’t think nuns can show this much cleavage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Trina!” Jade smirked as Tori wrenched her eyes away from the aforementioned cleavage to glare at her sister. “Leave Jade’s outfit alone. I like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trina looked at Tori skeptically. “Okay, and? Big whoop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my God. Go away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem,” Trina shrugged. “I’m going to a Northridge party later. Obviously, you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> invited.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like we wanna hang with you anyway!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trina scowled. “Oh, eat glass, Tori.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go take a long walk off a short pier!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good fucking bye,” Trina rolled her eyes and then, blessfully (thank you, O Father - from Jade the undevout nun), stalked away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori threw her hands up. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>How</span>
  </em>
  <span> are we related?” She sighed, then looked at Jade. “Sorry about her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade just shrugged. “The opinions of your weird sister mean nothing to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good because…” Tori’s eyes skittered over her outfit again before glancing away. “I do like the outfit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade raised an eyebrow. “Okay, and? Big whoop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori shot her a glare, but there was a smile there too and maybe Jade smiled back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They spent the next few hours eating burgers and playing cornhole with Tori’s little cousins. It wasn’t really that bad, she guessed, because somehow -- dumb-luck, probably -- she was actually kind of good at cornhole, so she and Tori were pretty much demolishing the cousins. The sheer joy she took from that managed to outweigh the fact that she hated all things games, cousins, and children, and it was helped along by Tori absurdly trash-talking the cousins to the point that she had Jade in near-stitches laughing at their offended prepubescent faces.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It may have also been the Coors Lights she drank.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeah, she thought when Tori gave her a smug look every time she landed a bad line that caused Jade to laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Definitely the Coors Lights.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori had glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling. And they were arranged as constellations.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade hadn’t noticed that when she’d been in Tori’s room before, but she’d been a little too preoccupied snooping through Tori’s drawers to look up at the ceiling. If she’d been laying on Tori’s bed on her back like she was at the moment, though, maybe she would have noticed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d come up to Tori’s room once the party had started to wind down. They were going to watch a movie while Jade sobered up enough to drive home, but they’d never really gotten that far.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade had flopped back on Tori’s bed, feeling lethargic from an afternoon in the sun and a couple of beers. That was when she’d noticed the stars, hundreds of them, dime-sized and that greenish-white glow-in-the-dark color in the fading light of the sunset coming through Tori’s window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my God,” she said. “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span> have these stars.” It was meant as a dig but came out a little too amused to be biting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Tori settled next to Jade on her back, their shoulders brushing. “Those were all the rage when we were kids.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Jade laughed. “I’m actually feeling some kind of retroactive jealousy honestly. I wanted them but my dad wouldn’t let me.” She could feel Tori turn her head, those eyes wide and brown and soft. She kept her gaze on the ceiling. She didn’t need Tori’s pity about her dad, especially for something that happened a decade ago. “I can’t believe you actually put them into constellations.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not? I was totally obsessed with them after my mom took me to the planetarium. Ursa Major is my favorite one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her science classes had clearly failed her. “What’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori pointed upward, right above their heads. “It’s a big bear. I like it because it has the Big Dipper in it. Makes it easy to find.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori let her hand fall and it came down between them, brushing over Jade’s fingers. Tori’s hands were cold, Jade thought, or maybe her skin was just warm. As Tori’s fingers wrapped around her own, lifting both of their hands into her line of vision, it occurred to Jade, with a slight pang, that it had been a long time since anyone had held her hand, or really even touched her. And that was the only reason, probably, that she didn’t immediately yank her hand away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like this ring,” Tori said, gently tugging Jade’s hand closer to her face to inspect it. “And this bracelet. You always have cool accessories. I feel like I can never find good bracelets. I always get annoyed of them when I wear them.” Her grip loosened, letting their hands fall back on the bed again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade quirked an eyebrow, lolling her head over to look at Tori. “Okay? What is with you today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just like…” Jade huffed, waving her hand abstractly between them. “You like my outfit, you like my ring, my accessories. We don’t like each other this much, ever. So what gives?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori rolled on her side and up on her elbow, leaning her head on her hand. “That’s not true. Believe it or not, I actually do like you most of the time. Actually, I like pretty much everything about you, all the time. Except when you’re being a huge gank to me for no reason.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade scoffed. “It’s not for no reason.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You straight up kissed my boyfriend!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori rolled her eyes. “That was ages ago and it was for a </span>
  <em>
    <span>scene</span>
  </em>
  <span> after you, once again, were a huge gank to me for no reason. And for real, Jade? I feel like I’ve made it pretty clear I’ve never actually been seriously interested in Beck. We’re friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, well,” Jade huffed. “It’s not like it matters. We haven’t been a thing in ages.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Tori said, raising an eyebrow. “That’s kind of my point. There’s literally no reason anymore, if there ever really even was, which there totally wasn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade frowned. Opened her mouth to argue. Shut it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck it, whatever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, well.” Those seemed to be the only words she could think of at the moment. An annoying kind of uncertainty had crept into her chest suddenly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d had reasons for the shit she did to Tori, hadn’t she? Tori was annoying and entitled and it was infuriating that everything seemed to be handed to her so easily when the rest of them had worked so hard for the same things. And it’s not like Jade wasn’t a shithead to everyone else. Tori wasn’t so special. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But maybe Jade had gone a little… further with Tori than was justified. Maybe she liked getting a rise out of Tori, because it was fun, like some kind of twisted mind-game. Tori always gave something back, not like Cat or Robbie or, God, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Beck</span>
  </em>
  <span>, who had decided long ago that he could </span>
  <em>
    <span>manage</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jade if he just waited it out. But Jade had never wanted to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>managed</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She had wanted a challenge, and maybe when Tori gave it back, Jade had, well, not enjoyed it, because that wasn’t quite the right word, but she had risen up to meet it and that had at least been </span>
  <em>
    <span>interesting</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now Tori was looking at her like this was all a little misunderstanding, if Jade could just stop it, please, then they could move on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe the reasons were… complicated,” Jade said finally. “I guess I </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> sort of a…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Grunch?” Tori supplied, lips twitching.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A bitch,” Jade amended, rolling her eyes. “I was just annoyed. Even when you had it bad, you had it good. It’s always so easy for you and I guess that’s not your fault, but it’s pretty annoying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori snorted. “Come on, it wasn’t always easy. After everything? Prison? The Platinum Music Awards fiasco? I literally almost died that time the hospital kept losing my blood for Robbie!” Jade couldn’t help the laugh that came out of her mouth and she immediately clamped her teeth down to shut it up. “It’s not funny!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, okay, that was because of me. I stole it so you’d be too weak and I could be the lead in </span>
  <em>
    <span>Steamboat Suzy</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori gasped and smacked Jade in the arm. “Robbie and I literally could have died.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you, though?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jade!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what Tori,” Jade managed to say through her laughter. “I think you make a good point. We should put this all behind us. In fact, let’s never mention it again, starting now!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori smacked her arm again. “You are such a gank!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s kind of my brand.” Jade smirked. “Still like everything about me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, because I said it was everything </span>
  <em>
    <span>except</span>
  </em>
  <span> when you’re being a huge gank.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade shrugged. “Take it or leave it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well can you maybe </span>
  <em>
    <span>stop</span>
  </em>
  <span> being a huge gank?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade thought about it for a minute. “No.” Tori slumped back down on her back with a groan and Jade laughed. “Fine. I guess I could be like, fractionally less of a gank.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fractionally</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Tori snorted. “Like nine-tenths less or like one-tenth less?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Five-tenths,” Jade settled on, because: compromise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” Tori said, turning to look at Jade again. “Maybe I can live with that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. Now pick a movie. I’m sleeping here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori raised a disbelieving eyebrow. “Oh are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, fine,” Tori said, reaching for her laptop. “Guess you’re sleeping here, then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guess I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>☹️ Have to cancel our Nozu date tomorrow</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>okay you’re dead to me, goodbye</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>I’m sorry!!!!!!!! Reschedule?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>no 🖕</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>Studio time opened up at RPX and they booked it for me to record my single </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>holy shit</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>you could’ve led with that instead of letting me be an ass</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>let me know how it goes?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>Obviously!!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>that’s actually super cool tori. congrats</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>🤩</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade was sitting in her bed, comparing a few cameras side-by-side on her laptop, when her phone buzzed with a call. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“City Morgue. You stab ‘em, we slab ‘em.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a pause and then -- “</span>
  <em>
    <span>That’s morbid, even for you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Officer Pedesko, if you wanna see me, you don’t have to wait for a body to drop. You can investigate this ass for free.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> Tori’s laughter was quick and bright. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Well, the Officer is into chicks who are </span>
  </em>
  <span>drop-dead</span>
  <em>
    <span> gorgeous.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade groaned. “No. Just no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What are you up to?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sweating my ass off. I hate July.” Jade flopped on her back, pressing the phone closer to her ear. “Enough small talk, Vega. Spill it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Okay. I mean. It was good!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade waited for more, but that appeared to be it. “Seriously? That’s it? Just... good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well, I didn’t want to assume you actually wanna hear about this…”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade rolled her eyes. “Shut the fuck up. I answered the phone didn’t I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori exhaled in a rush. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh my God. I just recorded a single. For the radio. Holy crap, Jade.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade chuckled. “And? How’s it sound?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I think good? They’re gonna produce it a bit more and then I’ll hear a more finalized version, but… they said it’d be available for the public by August 1st!” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade blinked. “That’s in like, two weeks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I know. I’m freaking out.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade snorted. “Freaking the freak out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh my God.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Two weeks…” Jade murmured. “That’s crazy. What about the rest of the album?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori sighed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Well, they’re gonna go ahead with the schedule for mid-August. Someone just canceled their studio session today, so. I dunno. I guess they’re gonna see what happens with the single.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I can’t imagine it flopping, so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Really?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Tori sounded skeptical and Jade rolled her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah, okay. No. I know you’re right. I just… It’s crazy. This is crazy.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade laughed. “Yeah. It’s crazy. But that’s why it’s exciting, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” There was another long pause. Finally, Tori exhaled audibly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Jade?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thanks. For... you know. Getting excited about this with me. Trina’s being such a grunch right now.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade shrugged, even though Tori couldn’t see her. “Yeah, I mean. Whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori chuckled. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah. Whatever.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever,” Jade repeated. “You wanna come over tomorrow or something? I’m not working.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah, I’d love that.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade rolled her eyes. “‘Kay. ‘Night then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Good night,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Tori said. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t let the morgue creep you out too much. Heard it can be pretty spooky there at night.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade grinned. “But that’s just how I like it, Officer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Freak</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gank.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Good night, Jade.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Good night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that, Jade finally hung up, intent on going back to her camera search and ignoring the uncomfortable heat spreading through her body, which was obviously from the LA summer weather, and not from anything else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Obviously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were on a break from a </span>
  <em>
    <span>Twin Peaks</span>
  </em>
  <span> binge (Jade’s idea), when Tori had looked up from her phone with a gasp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my God.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade was too hot to really care, because fuck summer, but she glanced up from her own phone anyway. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I totally forgot.” Tori shot off the bed and over to the giant ass bag that she’d left by Jade’s bedroom door. “I saw something for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, maybe Jade was interested now. She pushed herself into a sitting position. “Is it in a jar?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it a body part?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Jade.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A gross bug?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jade!” Tori rummaged in her bag for another second, then finally emerged, a piece of paper in hand. She nearly skipped back to the bed in excitement, coming to a halt in front of Jade and thrusting the paper in her face. Jade snatched it from her because? Rude. “It’s an audition flyer. For </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jennifer’s Body: The Musical</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade looked at the flyer skeptically. “Okay…?” She glanced up to see Tori staring at her expectantly. “What about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori beamed. “You should audition!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade laughed. “What? No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Apparently Tori was serious. “Oh come on! You’d be perfect for Jennifer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I can’t. It’s when I have school.” Jade looked up from the flyer. “You’ve seen </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jennifer’s Body</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Tori shrugged. “I love that movie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Huh. “And you think I’d be perfect for Jennifer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Totally,” Tori grinned, gesturing wildly. “She’s like a mixture of the Blonde Squad and Tawny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade shook her head in amusement. “Okay, if anything, you’re the perfect Needy. You wouldn’t even need to act.” Jade affected her Sweet Sally Peaches Tori voice. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, dear, my psycho best friend is killing boys! Gosh golly! She must be a demonic being, whatever will I do?!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t talk like that!” But Tori was laughing. “And please, you sound </span>
  <em>
    <span>just </span>
  </em>
  <span>like Jennifer.” Tori lowered her voice, leaning into Jade’s space. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Nice insult Hannah Montana. I am going to eat your soul</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha. More like,” Jade pushed up on her knees to give Tori a light shove in the chest. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>We can play boyfriend-girlfriend like we used to</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade really had no idea what possessed her to do it -- the spirit of Jennifer Check, clearly -- but she leaned in and brushed her lips over Tori’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She immediately pulled back in alarm, because </span>
  <em>
    <span>what the actual fuck, Jade</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but Tori followed her, pressing their lips together again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And okay, whoa. Her hands automatically came up to Tori’s face, her thumbs on Tori’s cheeks. Tori exhaled sharply into Jade’s mouth, warm and quick. She gently pushed Jade backward on the bed, their lips separating again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Tori was on the bed, hovering over her, her hair in Jade’s face. Jade only had time to shut her eyes before they were kissing again, quick and sloppy.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is this some game?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jade had to wonder. </span>
  <em>
    <span>A weird acting exercise to prove Tori’s point?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>But she could barely even form the thought when Tori’s lips nudged hers open, her tongue brushing Jade’s. Tori’s hands ran over her sides, her necklace bumped Jade’s chin. She gasped when Jade tried to find purchase on her lower back and her fingers slid over the skin under Tori’s shirt, riding up as she deepened the kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori’s skin was smooth, and soft, and a very pleasant warmth was slipping under Jade’s ribs, into her stomach, her abdomen. Without thinking, she wrapped her legs around Tori’s waist, pulling her closer.</span>
</p><p><span>It was, Jade suddenly realized, the part of the movie where Tori rolled off and freaked the fuck out, but Tori wasn’t. Tori was pressing in closer, adjusting on the bed, pushing her hips into Jade’s, and </span><em><span>oh my fucking God,</span></em> <em><span>holy shit.</span></em></p><p>
  <span>As if she could sense what Jade was thinking, Tori paused, her lips slowing their steady motion against Jade’s. Finally, she pulled back slightly and Jade opened her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori was staring at her, brown eyes soft and uncertain and… wanting. Definitely wanting, Jade thought, and heat flashed through her body, her stomach flipping in that way it always flipped when she was giving Tori a hard time and Tori flung it right back at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hesitated, then raised a shaky hand to Tori’s cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh,” Jade said, feeling the beginning of laughter in her chest. “This took an interesting turn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori stared at her, eyes intense as they traveled over Jade’s face, getting stuck on her lips for the briefest of seconds before flicking back to her eyes. “Um. Do you want me to...?” She trailed off, as if uncertain what she even wanted to suggest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade smirked, shaking her head. “No, I like interesting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori’s cheeks flushed, her skin warming under Jade’s fingers. She shifted on top of Jade, pressing their hips together again, and Jade’s eyes fluttered closed, teeth biting over her lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She remembered, briefly, how she’d felt that moment on the Fourth of July, when Tori had grabbed her hand. That loneliness and simultaneous validation when Tori had touched her. It was rising in her again, twice as strong. It swirled in her chest when Tori brushed her lips over Jade’s, light and feathery and just out of reach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade slid her hand off Tori’s cheek, behind her neck, and tugged her closer, holding her in place as she brought their lips back together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And God it felt good. To be kissing someone like this. To be kissing Tori like this. Because Tori was soft in all the places Jade hadn’t expected, and she smelled like perfume and shampoo, and, God, her tongue was honestly divine, gentle and sexy and… </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> she was enjoying this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But so was Tori, Jade thought, and it sent a shot of arousal through her. Tori was shifting between Jade’s legs, pressing down, as her fingers explored, finally moving from their planted place at Jade’s side and down. Her thumb found the edge of Jade’s t-shirt and nudged it upward, just an inch or two, to touch the skin there, right above Jade’s shorts. Tori made a sound in the back of her throat, somewhere between a squeak and a moan, and Jade shuddered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She exhaled hotly, biting back a gasp, wondering how the fuck she was having what was arguably the hottest makeout session of her life with Tori Fucking Vega. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And they hadn’t really even done anything but kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thought made Jade’s head spin and she turned her head slightly, just to catch her breath. Tori’s nose brushed over her cheek, up her neck, settling in her hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not like, possessed by a demon, right?” Tori said in her ear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It caught Jade off-guard and the shock of it made her laugh. “Unfortunately not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” She could feel Tori’s smile on her skin. “Because that would be a huge bummer if I had to kill you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade snorted. “Like you could.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori hummed, and then Jade felt Tori’s teeth on her neck, a gentle teasing of a bite. Jade squirmed at the challenge of it, but then Tori chuckled and pressed a soft kiss to the spot. She pulled back to look at Jade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe,” she murmured, and Jade was jelly, an absolute puddle of arousal and melty warmth under Tori’s mouth, her fingers. Her teeth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tori,” she warned, except it came out breathy and just a little needy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori grinned down at her. “You look hot like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Every molecule of air blew out of Jade’s lungs, her heart dropping into her stomach. “Thanks,” she managed to say, and cringed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Thanks</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori laughed and the sound reverberated around Jade’s chest. She could do nothing but stare up at Tori helplessly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, Tori pressed another soft kiss to her lips and rolled off of her, settling upright with her back against the headboard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade gasped in a breath, overwhelmed and confused and, honestly, really turned on. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, episode five,” Tori said, reaching for the laptop and clicking over to the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Twin Peaks</span>
  </em>
  <span> stream. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade gaped at her and Tori smiled knowingly and maybe a little smugly. She patted the space beside her and Jade huffed, but sat up next to her against the headboard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you fucking serious right now?” She grumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm.” Tori reached for Jade’s fingers with one hand and clicked play on the laptop with the other. “Special Agent Dale Cooper awaits.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade stared, letting that strange feeling of not having the upperhand -- the one that so often accompanied her time with Tori over the past several years -- wash over her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then the episode started, and Tori squeezed her hand, and Jade focused her attention on the screen as much as she could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She suddenly realized she had no idea what would happen in the coming minutes, hours, or even days when it came to Tori. But, she thought, it was sure to be interesting, and it was like she had told Tori earlier. She liked interesting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she let Tori hold her hand, and settled in to watch the show, and tried not to think about how horny she suddenly was for Tori Fucking Vega.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade was supposed to be working on her newest film script. It was about a vampire chick who preyed on sleazy guys in bars. She would use her vampire charm to seduce them into back alleys and then she would rip their hearts out, feed, and leave them to die.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was awesome.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was pretty excited about the idea, had been formulating dialogue and developing the characters for a couple weeks, and now she was going to finally sit down and get to work on the script.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s what was supposed to happen anyway. And yet…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t stop thinking about Tori.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d been sitting in front of her laptop with the script open for about an hour now and she’d stare at the screen, ready to write, only to have the document blur before her eyes as she drifted, once again, into memory and fantasy and an obsessive thought-spiral she couldn’t control.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then she’d jerk herself out of it and glance back at her laptop, only to realize five minutes had passed, ten, thirty, an </span>
  <em>
    <span>hour</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and she hadn’t written one single word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the hour fifteen mark, she huffed in frustration and slammed her laptop shut. With a groan, she pushed the thing away and slumped back on her pillow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The annoying thing was, it wasn’t even completely about their totally hot, totally unforgettable makeout session. It was like, eighty percent about that, definitely, but the other twenty percent, Jade hated to admit to herself, were thoughts that were only semi-adjacent to that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d be thinking about how Tori smiled down at her when she was on top of her, and then she was just thinking about Tori’s smile. She’d be thinking about the intensity and wanting in Tori’s eyes right after they’d kissed, and then she was just thinking about Tori’s eyes. She’d be thinking about Tori’s laugh, pressed against her skin right where she’d pressed her teeth, and then she was just thinking about Tori’s laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then she was just thinking about </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tori</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori and her stupidly hot American flag outfits and her stupidly perfect hair and the stupidly addictive way she made Jade’s stomach twist itself into knots, whether they were fighting or performing or, Jade squirmed, </span>
  <em>
    <span>kissing</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, God, it was driving her crazy, but she couldn’t stop thinking about Tori.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And maybe, she thought with a smirk as her phone buzzed next to her on the bed, maybe Tori couldn’t stop thinking about her either.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>Hey. What are you doing?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade stared at the text. Innocuous enough. Okay. Whatever.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>working on my script… what are you doing?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The reply came immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>Wanna come over?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade blinked. Then she snorted. She’d gotten enough of these from Beck to know what this was, but this was Tori, not Beck, so...</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>is this a booty call</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was mostly a joke, but.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>Come over and find out</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>My parents aren’t home</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay interesting. Jade hesitated, thumbs poised to respond, but she didn’t know how to play it. On one hand, it was absolutely insane that Tori Vega had seriously sent her a </span>
  <em>
    <span>come over my parents aren’t home</span>
  </em>
  <span> text. Like, just objectively speaking, that was hilarious and Jade would be totally justified in teasing the shit out of Tori for it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the other hand… She really wanted to find out. She exhaled, deliberating for another second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whatever, fuck it.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>be there in 20</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, they were doing this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori’s lips were on her neck and her fingers were on the small of Jade’s back and they were totally doing this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that Jade had </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> doubted they would, but maybe she did wonder if Tori had finally cracked the perfect way to get back at Jade for all those years of torture and this was it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But no, she’d gotten to Tori’s house and Tori had pulled her up the stairs and into her bedroom, chattering on about her parents being in San Fran and Trina going to some guy’s house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then she’d shut her bedroom door and they were left facing each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a second Tori had just stared at her and Jade had stared back. That had been the moment where she really hadn’t been quite sure what would happen, because Tori was still Tori and Jade was still Jade and just because it seemed like something between them had irrevocably shifted, didn’t mean there wasn’t some kind of history setting a precedent that could necessarily just be forgotten.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But maybe Jade shouldn’t have doubted at all. Tori’s eyes had immediately become fixated on Jade’s lips, and it was so predictable and so </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tori </span>
  </em>
  <span>that Jade had wanted to make some kind of snarky joke or tease her about it, but hadn’t had the time, because Tori had stepped right into her space, nudging Jade up against her bedroom door. Then Jade couldn’t say anything at all. She couldn’t even think, really, because Tori was kissing her, their bodies flush together, and every snide comment she’d had about the whole situation had vanished into thin air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That had been some time ago, and now Tori’s lips had migrated to her neck and her fingers had slipped up under the back of Jade’s shirt and, </span>
  <em>
    <span>God</span>
  </em>
  <span>, yeah, okay they were doing this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it wasn’t enough, the way they were standing like this, Jade’s heart pounding and her head spinning. She shifted her body and Tori put an inch of space between them and that was all Jade needed to move. She slipped away from the wall and grabbed Tori by the arm, dragging her to the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori easily let herself fall back, scooting up on her pillow as Jade settled on top of her. Her hands came up around Jade’s neck, her thumbs behind Jade’s ears, and Jade took a second to just take her in. Tori was warm and soft and like, annoyingly gorgeous, but that wasn’t news. It wasn’t even news to Tori that Jade thought so. So whatever, maybe she could appreciate Tori for like, one second. Or a few.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re good, right?” Tori said, her voice quiet over the whirring of the AC in her room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade raised her eyebrows. “You’re really asking me that right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori scrunched her nose, lips twitching in a smile. “Just checking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade rolled her eyes. “We’re great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, because I don’t want to stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade huffed because </span>
  <em>
    <span>hello</span>
  </em>
  <span>???? “‘Kay, well. This is a lot of talking for someone who wants to be kissing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I mean. I don’t want to </span>
  <em>
    <span>stop</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade blinked, pulling back slightly, but Tori’s hands were still around the back of her neck and she couldn’t go far. She didn’t really want to anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe Tori misinterpreted the look on her face because she backtracked. “Sorry. I mean, obviously if you want to stop, we’ll stop. I’m just saying we don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A disbelieving chuckle escaped her lips. “Just to be clear, you mean you want to, like, have sex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could actually feel Tori’s skin heat up under her fingers. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With me?” Jade furrowed her eyebrows. “You want to have sex with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori made a face. “Yes. Who else would I be talking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You... and me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Jade.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori’s grip loosened around her neck, but Jade didn’t move. “Okay, if you don’t want to, we won’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t say that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you’re acting like it’s absurd.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade made a </span>
  <em>
    <span>duh</span>
  </em>
  <span> face. “Okay, well two months ago we were barely civil human beings and now you want to have sex. I’m just trying to make sure we’re on the same page.” She took a deep breath. “Have you ever even had sex before?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori’s eyes skittered away. “Um. No?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Tori pressed a hand to her face. “No, I haven’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay. This was just… Huh. Jade sat up, her legs still bracketing Tori’s hips. “And you want your first time to be with me? Right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought we just went over that!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori let her hand fall back to the bed and looked at Jade questioningly. “What do you mean, why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why me? We don’t exactly have a great track record together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori frowned. “I don’t know. I trust you. And I want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I want to! Do I need more of a reason?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess not.” Jade hesitated, thinking. Absentmindedly, she let her thumb trail over the slice of skin between Tori’s shirt and her shorts. This was really not the direction she’d thought her summer was gonna go. What even?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Look, if you don’t want to, then just forget I said anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No…” Jade said slowly. “I want to. I’m just still trying to wrap my head around why you want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori rolled her eyes. “Okay, I’m pretty sure I know what you’re thinking and just… don’t. Can’t we please finally accept that we can actually stand each other for more than ten minutes? We have a good time together. We like the same stuff. You like me. And I like you. So just… stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade made a sound in her throat. “I’ve accepted it, but it’s still weird.” She looked at Tori for a long moment, taking in the pretty brown of her eyes, the steady set of her mouth. “Okay, you really want to do this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Tori exhaled, her eyes searching Jade’s. She gave Jade’s hand another squeeze. “I want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, alright then. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So they were doing this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade leaned back down, brushing her lips against Tori’s, slow and soft. She kissed her way across Tori’s chin, her jaw, down her neck. Tori still had her hand, and that was fine, but she let the other trail down Tori’s shoulder, her chest. She moved from her position, shifting down Tori’s body, because she had </span>
  <em>
    <span>liked</span>
  </em>
  <span> that strip of skin above the waistband of Tori’s shorts and if she had permission to do this, then fine, she would do it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hovered there for a second, her nose brushing the skin. Tori shivered, goosebumps rising across her stomach, and Jade realized, with a certain kind of amazement, that she got the same satisfaction from making Tori squirm like this that she’d always gotten when she’d made Tori squirm in other ways. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With her free hand, she nudged Tori’s shirt up, just a little, her fingers scratching over the skin. She pressed her lips just below Tori’s navel, touched her tongue to the spot. Tori let out a gasp, throaty and low. Jade chuckled into her skin.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat up again. “Take off your shirt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori looked up at her, her cheeks flushed, and laughed. “Take off yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They unclasped hands as they both moved to take their shirts off. Jade dropped hers over the side of the bed, then watched as the small strip of skin above Tori’s shorts became Tori’s entire stomach, her chest. She flung the top across the room, then leaned back on her elbows, looking at Jade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well. Looking at Jade’s boobs in her bra, which like, yeah, she was looking at Tori’s, so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Tori said, voice a little dazed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just okay? I at least usually get a </span>
  <em>
    <span>wow</span>
  </em>
  <span> or a </span>
  <em>
    <span>nice</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow,” Tori grinned. Her eyes still hadn’t moved from Jade’s chest. “Nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade snorted. She let her hand run up Tori’s stomach and settled her palm on Tori’s chest. She blinked, marveling at the soft skin, the perfect swell of her boobs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay. This was really happening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori tugged at the button of Jade’s shorts playfully. “These next, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade wanted to make some snarky comment about foreplay, but it got lost in her throat when Tori’s fingers brushed over her thighs, still straddling Tori’s sides. Instead, she let her hand run lower again, remapping its path from Tori’s chest and down her stomach. She slipped her thumb under the waistband of Tori’s Nike shorts, teasing and quick, before pulling it back out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave a tug at the waistband, simultaneously lifting herself off of Tori’s body so she could pull her shorts down her legs. Tori kicked them off fully, then watched as Jade unbuttoned her own shorts, and they joined Tori’s on the floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then they were in their underwear, staring at each other, and it was all Jade could do to breathe, lost in the now very exposed expanse of skin at her disposal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to exhale, but it came out kind of weak.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How was this happening?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori finally looked back at her face, her expression softening as they made eye contact. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She reached out and automatically Jade went to her, sliding to the side slightly and laying flat, settling back on top of Tori. She exhaled when their hot skin made contact, stomach to stomach, chest to chest, their legs wrapping together. Tori’s arms looped around her waist, her fingers sliding up Jade’s spine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Involuntarily, Jade shivered, wetness blooming between her legs. She pressed herself closer to Tori, their noses brushing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt Tori’s breath on her lips and then they were kissing again. They were in their underwear and they were kissing and finally, finally, it was sinking in -- </span>
  <em>
    <span>they were doing this.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade squirmed, caught up in the feeling of Tori underneath her and their hot skin pressed together and, God, Tori’s tongue in her mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shifted her weight on both arms so she could adjust her position, resting her knee between Tori’s thighs. Tori exhaled sharply and it made a smug sense of satisfaction wash over Jade. She rocked her hips slightly, repeating the motion, and Tori’s mouth stuttered against hers. Her hands left Jade’s back and came up to grip at her arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade settled her weight back down, half on Tori, half on her own arm, her knee still between Tori’s legs, and let her fingers wander over Tori’s skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was so much different than with Beck, she couldn’t help but think as her fingers slid down Tori’s stomach, her side, teasing the inside of her thigh. Where Beck had been defined muscle, Tori was subtly toned and soft. Tori was so smooth, and she smelled distinctly like bodywash and shampoo and laundry detergent. Beck had always been considerate and polite and </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but he had also been eager in a kind of obvious way. Not that Tori wasn’t eager, but there was a finesse there too that Jade hadn’t really been expecting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that she’d had that many expectations. Or any at all, really.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She spent some time like that, just reveling in the newness of Tori Vega underneath her, her skin, her warmth, how good it felt to kiss her like this, before finally starting a path over Tori’s underwear. She hesitated just before she dipped beneath the fabric and touched Tori, and it was then that she realized, in a moment of striking clarity, that she absolutely had to do this right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because here was Tori Vega, soft and open and wanting below Jade’s exploratory fingers. The same Tori Vega that Jade had spent years fucking with just for the sake of it, just for laughs and pleasure and some small amount of spite. Tori Vega who had, despite all that, looked at Jade at some point in the last half hour and said </span>
  <em>
    <span>I trust you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade had tried hard, at points of their high school years, to mess with Tori by way of rogue clowns, pushing her from great heights, and less than mild daily threats.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But messing with Tori in this way was some kind of line Jade knew she absolutely could not cross, and in any case, she didn’t want to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe, yeah, because she was a decent person, like </span>
  <em>
    <span>deep</span>
  </em>
  <span> down. And deeper down, maybe there was a part of her that actually did, after all these years, succumb to Tori’s constant effort to get them to be friends. But still, even deeper than all that, in some very hidden, dark place she sometimes recognized as her heart, she actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>cared</span>
  </em>
  <span> about Tori, in a way that was… unsettlingly present in that moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She paused, her fingers hovering just over Tori’s front, and pulled back to look at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori’s eyes fluttered open and immediately met Jade’s. Every part of Jade flushed hotter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori must have seen something in her expression because one of her hands released Jade’s arm and came up to her face, gently brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. Jade felt something in that dark hidden well of her heart crack open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Tori said. “You okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m good,” Jade murmured. “I just wanted to double check, like… Are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because if Jade fucked it up and this was the reason, after everything, that Tori finally called it quits on her ass, then Jade wasn’t sure she’d be okay with that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori smiled, passing her thumb over Jade’s lower lip. She settled her hand on Jade’s cheek. “I’m sure. I swear it on the spirits of Walter and Nancy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A huff of air escaped Jade’s nose. “Oh my God. Why are you like this?” But she was laughing and so was Tori and fine, okay, whatever!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were doing this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled on Tori’s underwear and Tori lifted her hips so she could tug them down. Tori’s legs fell open and Jade hovered, her fingers tickling over Tori’s thighs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was new territory, she thought, not nervous exactly, but very much aware. Tori was not Beck and this was definitely new territory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tentatively, she slid a finger between Tori’s folds. Tori gasped, or Jade gasped, or maybe it was both of them, because holy shit, holy </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Tori Vega was wet for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They looked at each other, Tori’s eyes wide, her mouth open. Her hand was still on Jade’s cheek and she tugged Jade back to her, urging their mouths together. Jade whimpered, a small sound in the back of her throat, when Tori’s tongue slipped into her mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pressed her fingers back against Tori, searching for her clit, knowing when she found it by the jolting of Tori’s body against her. She stayed there for a moment, experimenting, liking the sounds Tori was making, their kisses urgent and sloppy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, she slid her middle finger downward, teasing at Tori’s entrance, for a beat, two beats, and then --</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori went absolutely still when Jade slipped inside her. Her fingers gripped Jade tightly, her mouth unmoving. Then her body untensed, sinking into the bed, into Jade, with a shaky exhale.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still good?” Jade said, the words getting lost in Tori’s mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Tori rasped. “You feel… really good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another jolt of arousal shot through her and Jade hummed, closing her eyes, clenching her legs together. “You too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She placed a kiss on Tori’s lips, then resumed her movement, slow enough to build momentum. Then she carefully slipped a second finger in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori lifted her hips to meet Jade’s hand, breathing hard, as Jade quickened her pace, thrusting deep when an inexplicable moan of pleasure left Tori’s mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It couldn’t have been long, Jade wasn’t even winded, when Tori started to tremble, her breath coming out quick. She wasn’t even trying to kiss Jade now, so Jade pulled back slightly to look Tori in the face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had her eyes closed, her teeth biting over her lip. Her fingers gripped Jade tightly, at her cheek, her shoulder, and her legs clenched around Jade’s hand. She gasped again, and froze, her whole body going still, pushing into Jade’s fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then she unfurled, going slack, her full-body grip on Jade loosening as she sank back into the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade slid her fingers out of Tori and waited, eyes glued to Tori’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She really was gorgeous, Jade thought, and she wasn’t even annoyed by it in that moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, Tori blinked her eyes open, a dopey grin taking over her face. Jade almost laughed. “Um, wow,” Tori said, her voice soft and quiet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade honestly didn’t know what to say. Her heart was pounding and Tori’s eyes were so focused on her, an intense and deep brown. Finally, she exhaled out a “yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori was giving her a weird look, curious and searching and soft. Jade almost couldn’t take it. She rolled off Tori, laying on her back. Tori turned on her side and Jade lolled her head to look at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori smiled, small and happy, and leaned in to press their lips together. Jade sighed into her mouth, feeling very warm as they exchanged slow, lingering kisses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Tori was moving, swinging her leg over Jade and sitting up until she was leaning over her, straddling her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Your turn," Tori grinned, and heat flashed through her, catching her completely off-guard, as Tori leaned down to capture Jade's lips between her own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, Jade thought, and it was the only thought she could even form. They were still doing this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade had learned pretty early on in her formative years that she was not, by any means, exclusively attracted to dudes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t necessarily know what she identified as, whether that was bi or pan or whatever the fuck, but she was definitely not </span>
  <em>
    <span>straight</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(She didn’t know how any horror-obsessed preteen girl could watch Neve Campbell in any of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Scream</span>
  </em>
  <span> movies and not come out of the experience questioning their sexuality. Like… what?)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though she had known this about herself for some time, she hadn’t exactly done anything about it. Because suddenly she was fourteen, and there was Beck Oliver, of the great hair and confident attitude, and that had been that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While she dated Beck, her sexuality concerning girls had been more of an abstract thing, focused almost exclusively on Final Girls (namely, Sigourney Weaver in </span>
  <em>
    <span>Aliens</span>
  </em>
  <span>) and Hayley Williams, because obviously. It’s not like she really knew how to like girls, even in a platonic sense. She barely tolerated most people, barely even enjoyed the company of boys, including her own boyfriend’s most of the time (though he was the best of them), and when it came to girls, she’d be hard-pressed to say she actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>liked </span>
  </em>
  <span>any of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade had accepted this about herself and her life with little to no thought. She liked looking at girls and maybe she liked thinking about girls, but she didn’t actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>like</span>
  </em>
  <span> girls. There was her friendship with Cat and that was about as much as she was willing to like girls in any capacity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then along came Tori Vega, and Jade knew for certain, she did not like girls. At all. Girls </span>
  <em>
    <span>sucked</span>
  </em>
  <span>. They kissed your boyfriend and stole your roles and walked around school with their stupidly gorgeous faces getting everything you’d ever dreamed of, and they’d do it without even trying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Jade did not like Tori Vega, like, at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that had been then and this was now, and now Jade was thinking, okay, maybe there was something to be said about liking girls. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe some girls could drive you crazy day after day, sing perfect karaoke duets with you, hover over you in bed, looking down at you with their stupidly gorgeous faces and give you everything you’d never admit to dreaming of, and they’d do it without even trying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because here was Tori Vega, of the talented fingers and sexy smile, and Jade liked what was happening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She liked it </span>
  <em>
    <span>a lot</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was kind of overwhelming, actually, how much she liked it. Tori’s lips on her jaw, her hand tangled with Jade’s over the sheets, her fingers curling inside Jade like it was second-nature, like she had done it many times before, like she knew just how to touch Jade to bring her to the edge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Jade </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>on the edge. She trembled there, her breathing erratic and shaky, and thought: this was where it finally happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade had lived so long with the certainty that she would never, under any circumstances, like a girl enough to get this far. But as she had done time and again the past several years, she had underestimated Tori Vega, of the kind heart and stubborn attitude, and now she was right </span>
  <em>
    <span>here</span>
  </em>
  <span>, so close. And Jade, against all odds and instincts and need for self-preservation, liked her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was like that, a Bandaid to be pulled off as quickly as possible to minimize the pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She liked Tori Vega, of the stupidly gorgeous face and pretty brown eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sky did not fall, the world did not end, and Jade did not, in the literal sense of the word, shatter. She did break, though, with a final curling of Tori’s fingers, her teeth scraping over Jade’s pulse point. She trembled and she shook and, God, she broke. She broke </span>
  <em>
    <span>so good</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And here was Tori Vega, piecing her back together, her hand squeezing Jade’s, their noses brushing, her soft smile pressed against Jade’s lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, Jade thought, her eyes fluttering open to meet Tori’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So that had happened, and she had liked it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanna watch something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori was so strangely casual about this. Tori had never been casual about anything in her life as far as Jade could remember, but they were about three minutes post-orgasm and here she was, asking Jade if she wanted to watch something like she wasn’t practically naked and sprawled on top of Jade’s boobs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neither of them made an effort to move. Tori’s nose was nuzzling into her neck and their legs were still wrapped together and it’s not like Jade could get up without pushing Tori off of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Give me your phone,” Tori said and Jade blindly reached for where she’d thought she’d abandoned it in between the sheets. She found it under the other pillow and unlocked it, letting Tori take it from her hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” She remembered herself suddenly, but she had already handed it over and, anyway, she didn’t have it in her to be suspicious of Tori sabotaging something on her phone at the moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t feel like getting my laptop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade grunted at that, watching as Tori navigated through the phone’s apps and pulled up </span>
  <em>
    <span>Celebrities Underwater</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Jade rolled her eyes, but whatever. She was too out of it to care what they watched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori rolled over on her side and set the phone on her nightstand, propping it up against her lamp. She turned the volume to a quiet murmur and hit play on the video, then pushed backward into Jade, tangling their legs again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So there she was, naked, spooning Tori Vega, watching stupid </span>
  <em>
    <span>Celebrities Underwater</span>
  </em>
  <span>, her arm looped over Tori’s stomach and her chin on Tori’s shoulder, and, like, whatever. When she had imagined the summer, there hadn’t been one stray thought or fantasy that she’d ever be in this position, but she was mellow and she was comfortable and she was, somehow, actually enjoying the moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’re right about this show,” Tori said about halfway through the episode.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade hadn’t really been paying that much attention. She’d kind of been on the verge of napping. “Okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, even if the drama is good, it’s too predictable. We know nothing is gonna happen to the celebrities so all the episodes are kind of the same.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm,” Jade hummed. “I told you. It’s not worth watching.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori turned over so she could look at Jade. “Would you watch it if I was on it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade thought about it. “How long can you hold your breath?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know? A normal amount.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you beat the Queen Latifah record?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori’s lips twitched. “Guess you’d have to watch to find out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh. I’ll just read the episode recap the next day. Or check The Slap to see if you’re trending because you drowned.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori’s mouth fell open in mock outrage. “You’re such a gank.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade smirked. “Mhmm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stared at each other for a second, then Tori relaxed again. “It could happen,” she said finally. “Me being on </span>
  <em>
    <span>Celebrities Underwater</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Turn on the Sun’ is getting a music video.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade felt her eyebrows fly up. “Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Tori grinned. “I'm shooting it two days next week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade gave an impressed hum. “What’s it about?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing really.” Tori laughed when Jade made a skeptical noise. “No, seriously. I think it’s just me walking around LA. At one point, I’m just singing on a roof.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Jade frowned. “One of those.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori shrugged. “Yeah. I mean, I’m still excited, but... yeah. It’s nothing too special.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, still,” Jade offered a smile. “That’s pretty cool.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori gave her an easy smile and Jade couldn’t help but stare for a second. Tori really was stupidly gorgeous. Especially like this, all soft and proud and excited. Jade kind of wanted to kiss her again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then the end credits for </span>
  <em>
    <span>Celebrities Underwater</span>
  </em>
  <span> started playing from the phone and she knew it was getting late. She hesitated for one second, just looking at Tori looking at her. Part of her thought she could stay here, could fall asleep wrapped up with Tori like this and maybe it wouldn’t even be that weird.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the other part of her needed to process all of this, like ASAP, and that part was winning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m… gonna go home now,” she decided, letting herself look at Tori for one more second before disentangling their legs and pulling her arm back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori didn’t seem to mind. “Okay,” she easily agreed, watching as Jade retrieved her clothes from the floor and slipped them on. “Hey, don’t forget your phone.” Tori grabbed her phone off the nightstand where it was still propped up against the lamp, the next episode autoplaying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah.” Jade grabbed for it, but at the last second, Tori held it out of reach. She grinned her goofy smile again and Jade rolled her eyes. “Really?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori laughed and Jade huffed, leaning over Tori’s body to grab the phone, but before she could snatch it away, Tori gripped her by the front of her shirt and pulled her down, connecting their lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade hummed in surprise, but before she could even lean into the kiss, Tori released her. She held the phone out and Jade grabbed it, feeling a little dazed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should do this again,” Tori said, looking very pleased with herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh.” Jade blinked back to the moment, clearing her throat. “Yeah. Yeah, sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool,” Tori grinned. “I’ll text you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade grunted. “And maybe I’ll respond.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll respond.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whatever. “We’ll see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Drive safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” Jade hesitated at Tori’s door, just to get her bearings before she stepped out of this room and back into the world where things would maybe, at least, make sense again. She looked back over her shoulder. “Um. Good night, then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori’s returning smile was so bright it was almost overwhelming. “Good night, Jade.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade hadn’t known it then, but that was perhaps the moment of no return. The moment when the dark, hidden well of her heart could no longer be so dark or hidden. Tori Vega had turned her bright, sunshine smile on it and coaxed it out of the shadows, and from that moment on, Jade would never be able to put it back.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. gold rush (jade)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Maybe she could see Tori’s clothes in her room, her t-shirt draped over Jade’s desk chair. The two of them driving around, paying for each other’s Inside-Out Burger and Jet Brew and sushi and whatever. Maybe she could see it. Maybe it could be just like this, her and Tori. A thing. Tori and Jade. Jade-and-Tori."</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>August. Jade had blinked and July had passed her by, the summer almost over. Soon she would be packing up her things, heading to her dorm, starting her classes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But for now, it was still August, and she still had time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me put it on your back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You already did!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you’re burning, I don’t know what you want me to tell you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade groaned. “Fine, but actually do it right this time, or what’s the point?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did it right before! You’re just pale. It wouldn’t kill you to go outside more often.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This is what August brought, apparently. She and Tori at the beach, bickering about sunscreen as Tori slathered half a bottle on her palms and rubbed it into Jade’s burning skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the past, as recently as June even, Jade wouldn’t have believed anyone (and she probably would’ve yelled at them for even suggesting it) if they had told her she would one day be in this position. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that was then and this was now, and now, Jade was pretty used to Tori touching her. Well, maybe not </span>
  <em>
    <span>used to it</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but she was… familiar with it. They’d been doing whatever it was they were doing for a few weeks now, and they had fallen into it almost too easily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kissing, the touching, the hanging around after sex. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They weren’t dating, Jade didn’t think. They were just… well. She didn’t know what they were doing, exactly, but she didn’t really need a label at the moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was fine. It was good. It was… whatever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t matter, really, because summer was almost over and… then what? Then Jade would be at school and Tori would be doing who knows what with her music.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Turn on the Sun’ had debuted the first day of August and since then, Tori had been pretty wrapped up in a new world. She’d filmed a music video, did small press interviews, planned the rest of the album.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d been busy, in any sense, but somehow not too busy to see Jade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So they’d celebrated. Dinner at Nozu, which led to making out in Tori’s car, which led to making out in Jade’s room, which led to Tori going down on Jade in what was probably the best sexual experience of her entire life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And so it had been, for several weeks, and Jade was happy. Like actually happy. Like a smile for no reason, just because, kind of happy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So this was what they were doing, at least until the end of summer. But it was only August still, and the end was still a few weeks away. A few more weeks to save up her money, to buy her camera, to kiss Tori when she felt like it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, she knew a few weeks wasn’t that long, but in that moment, those few weeks seemed to extend before her in an endless string of days just like this:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sun warm on her skin, the soft sand beneath her toes, and Tori Vega next to her looking like some kind of walking advertisement for tiny purple bikinis.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>August. August was good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The day was dragging, as Tuesdays were liable to do when you worked at a shitty Regal Cinemas in the mall and had been assigned to concessions, once again, with your fifteen year-old twerp of a coworker.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next available showing wasn’t for an hour and they were supposed to be stocking supplies for the night crew, but their manager was on his hourly fifteen minute smoke break and Jade had like, ten minutes of her shift left, so she and the twerp were scrolling on their phones and otherwise slacking off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pretty typical stuff.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The twerp wasn’t, like, the worst coworker Jade could imagine, she guessed. She had okay taste in movies and usually didn’t ask too many questions, but she was still fifteen, which when you’re nineteen and college-bound, was basically, like, a fetus.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ohhhh. Myyyyy. Goddddddd!” Gasped the fetus-twerp, whose name was actually Gretchen. This was pretty ordinary for their time together, so Jade didn’t think much of it, until suddenly a phone was being shoved under her nose. “You know Tori Vega?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade smacked the phone out of her face. “Do that again and you’ll need to dig your phone out of the ICEE machine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Jade</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know Tori Vega?” Gretchen held the phone up again and Jade peered down at the screen, which was open on Tori’s recently-verified Instagram account. And the top picture, because of course, was Jade, face frozen on screen mid-laugh. Caption: </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>POV - you ACTUALLY slip on a banana peel (YES THAT’S APPARENTLY REAL?!) and look up to see she’s laughing at you. You’re suffering banana peel injuries and she’s laughing. Ahh. I don’t peel so good 🍌</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade internally grinned at the memory. Good times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Externally, she rolled her eyes. “Yeah, she actually slipped on a banana peel, if that’s what you’re asking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But…” Gretchen was gaping at her and Jade resisted the urge to take the phone and drop it in an ICEE anyway. “You’re friends with her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not friends,” Jade reflexively replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So then… holy chiz, you’re dating Tori Vega!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade froze. “We’re not dating.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gretchen gave her a </span>
  <em>
    <span>look</span>
  </em>
  <span> and, oh, she must’ve picked </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>one up from Jade. “Jade.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gretchen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>This</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she thrust the phone toward Jade again and okay that phone was really about to be fucking toast, “is a picture. Of you. Laughing. On. Tori. Vega’s. Insta. Gram.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you talking like that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gretchen gestured wildly. “Why are you being weird?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade scoffed. “Listen closely, twerp, I’m gonna give you some advice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mind your fucking business.” Jade gently patted her on the cheek, then grabbed her employee card out of her pocket. “Anyway, I’m off. See you when I see you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>BUT --”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Off the clock, Gretch. Goodbye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was clocking out two minutes early, she didn’t care.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she finally exited the theater lobby five minutes later and entered under the bright expanse of mall fluorescents, she nearly stopped in her tracks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because there was Tori Vega, leaning against the wall, a Jet Brew cup in hand, and clearly waiting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Waiting for Jade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade immediately glanced behind her to make sure there was no sign of the fetus-twerp, but she was in the clear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she looked back, Tori had pushed herself off the wall and stepped forward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” she said, looking Jade up and down with a grin. She was probably amused by Jade’s dumb Regal Cinemas work outfit, but whatever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori raised her eyebrows. “Shopping. Knew you were getting off so I thought I’d say hi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Hi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori laughed and leaned forward. Jade closed her eyes on instinct, her heart pounding, but Tori’s lips just pressed to her cheek, quick and gone. When Jade opened her eyes, Tori was smiling at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here,” she said, and Jade, still out of it from this sudden </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span> Tori-ambush, could just blink owlishly as Tori grabbed one of her hands, tangling their fingers together, and deposited the Jet Brew Cup in the other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a sip of the coffee, basking in its hot temperature, and it was a few seconds before she realized she was being led around the mall by their held hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um. Where are we going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lids,” Tori supplied, setting a leisurely pace as they made their way past a few stores. “It’s my dad’s birthday this week and he wants a new Dodgers hat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade sipped at her coffee again distractedly. Then she frowned. “And that for some reason involves me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Tori said simply. She shot Jade another smile and squeezed her hand. “I’ll buy you lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Coffee </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> lunch?” She squinted at Tori. “Wow, okay, Big Spender.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori chuckled. “There’s also a sale at American Eagle and I need new jeans.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>. This is a bribe so I’d go shopping with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really,” Tori said airily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori shook her head. “You were going to shop with me either way.”</span>
</p><p><span>“</span><em><span>Was</span></em> <em><span>I</span></em><span>?” Jade scoffed.</span></p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Tori grinned. “The coffee is just to make you tolerable and the lunch is a thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade opened her mouth to argue, but on second thought, closed it. Tori was probably right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t have to be so annoying about it, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They made their way into Lids and Jade sipped her coffee as Tori examined the vast selection of Dodgers hats. Finally, she picked one and went to pay, stepping in line behind a few other customers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade hovered near the front of the store, just looking while she waited. There was a Kings hat she kind of thought was cool, not because she cared about the Kings (fuck sports), but because the logo was sort of on brand for her. She picked it up and placed it on her head, then looked at herself in the mirror.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had worn her hair straight that day and had gone with green highlights at her last hair appointment, plus the black jeans and…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade snorted. She looked like Avril Lavigne.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No thanks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she turned around to put the hat back, Tori was standing there staring at her, purchase in hand, mouth open slightly and eyes wide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade blinked. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori shook her head, blushing. “Nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my God,” Jade smirked. “Were you checking me out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori glanced away, embarrassed. Then she seemed to steel herself, looking back at Jade defiantly. “So what if I was? I’ve seen you naked and you look hot in that hat! Who cares?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? </span>
  <em>
    <span>That’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> what does it for you? A backwards hat and some skinny jeans?” Jade nearly cackled. “That’s so fucking gay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori looked affronted for the briefest of seconds. Then she smirked and leaned in, her mouth at Jade’s ear. “Well, so was that super hot sex we had yesterday, so.” She leaned back an inch, eyebrows raised, and glanced over at the checkout counter, but the employee was busy. Then she brushed her lips over Jade’s, soft and teasing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade’s head spun. She couldn’t breathe. Tori Vega was kissing her in a fucking Lids in the mall and she couldn’t breathe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, Tori pulled back, looking at Jade with a satisfied smirk. “C’mon,” she said, plucking the hat off Jade’s head and putting it back on the display. She held out her hand and Jade helplessly took it. “I promised I’d buy you lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Halfway through August, Jade became the proud owner of a brand new camera. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had cost her almost all her savings, a summer of suffering at Regal Fucking Cinemas, and an excruciating two days waiting for it to finally arrive in the mail, but now it was in her hands at last and it had all been worth it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She spent the day charging it up, experimenting with the lenses, telling Tori about her big plans for it once she got to school and had projects to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...So I think it’ll end with the vampire cult moving into the sorority house,” Jade was explaining, packing up the spare batteries and other accessories into her camera bag. “It’d be like a symbolic thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds great,” Tori said, and Jade looked up to see Tori giving her a small smile. She was sitting on Jade’s bed, legs crossed and pulled up to her chest as she watched Jade fool around with the camera. “Wish I could be in it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade shrugged. “You can be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori made a noncommittal sound and Jade frowned. Tori had been like this all day, lethargic and relatively unengaged. Well, for Tori anyway. At first she had thought it was just an effect of a lazy day spent in Jade’s room, but now she wasn’t so sure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, not that I’m invested or whatever, because I don’t care,” Jade started and Tori snorted. “But what’s up with you today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing,” Tori shot her a smile, but it was a placating one, and Jade saw right through it. “I’m good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s bullshit, but okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori let out a small laugh. “I’m fine.” She looked at Jade for a long moment. “I’ve just been thinking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, yikes."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>Jade</span>
  </em>
  <span>," Tori pouted, but a laugh huffed out of her nose and Jade grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thinking about what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori shrugged. “Well, you know how I’m supposed to record the rest of the album this week?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, what about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well.” Tori sighed, biting her lip. “Do you know Jack Anthony?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That hot-shot producer guy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori nodded. “I’ve been offered the chance to work with him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade blinked. “What? Tori. Holy shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Tori said, still in that same low tone she'd been affecting all day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade didn’t get it. “Well, what’s the issue? That’s awesome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if I say yes, I’ll be pushing the recording back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay? Until when?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“September.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade frowned. “Okay, what’s a few more weeks? That’s not so bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori nodded again. “Yeah, not too bad. But I’ll also have to go to New York.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“New York.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For how long?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori hesitated. “I don’t know. Like a month or so probably. I’d record the album there and they want me to pretape a bunch of interviews and things, press junkets and radio spotlights and that kind of stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade offered Tori a smile. “Well, that sounds great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Tori agreed. “I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade wasn’t great at this whole talking through shit thing, but it was obvious something about it was bothering Tori and that was… unsettling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She perched next to Tori on the bed and reached out to squeeze her foot once, for like, comfort or something. “Okay, so… what’s the big deal?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” Tori whined. “It’s a great opportunity, right? I should be excited.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you’re not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Tori huffed. “It’s just also…” She trailed off and Jade waited. Finally, she sighed. “I don’t know. I like my life here right now. It feels weird to just up and leave it, even for a few weeks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade hummed. “Well,” she reasoned. “Maybe it’s supposed to happen. Everyone else left, didn’t they? We’re the only ones still here. And I start school soon, so maybe it’s just, you know... what’s right.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori stared at her thoughtfully. “So you think I should do it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade raised her eyebrows. “I don’t think you’re supposed to make the decision based on what I think about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe not,” Tori admitted. “But I still want to know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Jade started, feeling warm under Tori’s expectant expression. “I think it wouldn’t be very Tori Vega-like to not do something just because it would be different than what you’re doing now.” She shrugged. “Even when you were scared, you’ve always put yourself out there. Surprisingly, I’ve actually kind of always liked that about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori grinned and gave an exaggerated gasp. “Wow, can we get that on the record? Something Jade West has always liked about me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade rolled her eyes. “Don’t make it weird.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? You like weird.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh.” But Jade was biting back a smile. “Did that help at all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori seemed to think about it for a second. Then she shrugged. “Maybe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great.” Jade sighed, suddenly feeling like her room was just a little too small and stuffy. “You wanna go for a drive?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Tori smiled and it made Jade’s stomach twist. “That sounds good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They drove up the coast for a while. Jade didn’t really have a destination in mind. She was enjoying the drive, one of Tori’s acoustic playlists on the speakers, the afternoon dwindling before them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An hour or so before sunset, she found a good place to stop along the shorefront. Most of the tourists were gone, back to their Airbnbs or out to dinner or wherever for the night. Jade parked the car and Tori scrounged up one of Jade’s grungy zip-up hoodies from the backseat that she’d forgotten was there, and they made their way along the beach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade brought her new camera out, feeling a special kind of love for golden hour as she looked through the lens. She stopped every few feet to take some pictures -- of the pier, the waves, the horizon, but landscapes had always kind of bored her, and she found herself admiring Tori through the lens after they’d been meandering down the shore for a few minutes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was easy, really. Tori had that All-American girl look to her. An easy smile, those deep, brown eyes. She was beautiful, just like, objectively speaking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But maybe also… subjectively speaking, Jade thought, finding herself captivated by the image of Tori against the pinkening sky. In those tiny frayed jean shorts, Jade’s zip-up black hoodie hanging loose around her shoulders, her hair falling </span>
  <em>
    <span>just so</span>
  </em>
  <span> across her forehead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was sort of unfair, really, how breathtaking Tori looked just then. Unaware of Jade’s camera, of Jade even, as she eased down on the sand to look out across the waves, her expression thoughtful and calm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade got lost in it for a moment, snapping a handful of pictures from a few different angles. Then the sun was setting, and the light was deteriorating, and she figured she’d acted out enough of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rear Window</span>
  </em>
  <span> for one day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get any good ones?” Tori asked when Jade plopped down next to her in the sand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A few.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I see?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade hesitated, then pulled up the camera memory. Tori leaned into her side as she clicked through the pictures, and they looked at them together on the camera’s digital screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori said nothing as Jade scrolled through, not of the landscape or of a little crab in the sand or of the pier. Not even of herself, candid and pretty against the horizon behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Jade made it to the end, Tori finally spoke. “You have such a good eye for stuff. I wish I could take pictures like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade shifted under the praise, even though she kind of knew it was true. “It’s the lighting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m serious, Jade. You’re really talented.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, but,” Jade shrugged. She had never been good at receiving compliments. “Kind of hard to take a bad picture of a good view.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori’s lips twitched, gaze flicking down to the picture of herself, still frozen on the screen. “Can’t beat the beach at sunset.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly,” Jade said, raising her eyebrows teasingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori made a content sound and leaned closer, pressing her lips to Jade’s shoulder. “I’m starving. Wanna get something to eat and head home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, alright,” Jade agreed. “But you’re buying because I’m broke as shit now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori chuckled and pushed herself up from the ground. She dusted the sand from her legs, then held her hands out toward Jade. “Deal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade grabbed her outstretched hands, letting Tori pull her up, and together they made their way back to the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want to stay over?” Jade asked when she finally pulled back into her driveway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Recently, that had been a loaded question, ripe with implication, but they were both tired and Jade was on her period anyway, so she knew it didn’t mean what it usually meant the past month or so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Tori had been quiet on the drive home, staring out the window with a pensive expression, and it had made Jade feel like…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, she wasn’t really sure she had words to describe the feeling. She wasn’t even sure she wanted whatever was going on with Tori to stop. Maybe she just sort of wanted to… </span>
  <em>
    <span>be there</span>
  </em>
  <span>, in some capacity, for Tori. She didn’t know what that looked like exactly, because in the past she had made it a priority to increase Tori’s discomfort, not take it away, and it was somehow both confusing and invigorating that it was Jade’s presence that had the ability to do both.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, okay,” Tori said, offering Jade a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade’s mom was home for once, so Tori made small talk with her for a minute while Jade stomped around in the kitchen, moaning and groaning. Finally, they escaped to her room and got ready for bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She offered Tori some clothes and Tori pulled her glasses out of her giant purse while Jade brushed her teeth. They weren’t quite ready to sleep yet, so Jade put on an episode of </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Twilight Zone</span>
  </em>
  <span> she’d seen a million times. While they watched, she backed up the photos she’d taken that day and Tori scrolled through her Slap-feed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The episode ended and Jade finished editing a few of the pictures and uploaded them to her Instagram. Then she turned out the light, Tori took her glasses off and set her phone on the nightstand, and they both settled in under the covers for sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was harder in the dark, in the expansive quiet of her room, broken only by Tori’s easy breathing beside her, to ignore that strange feeling that had overcome her in the car. It wasn’t helplessness, exactly, or the need to fix whatever was bothering Tori, but maybe something adjacent to that. Something like the desire to reiterate her presence in Tori’s space. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tori,” she murmured, finally giving into the feeling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm?” Tori shifted, rolling over so they were looking at each other, nose to nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… had a nice time with you today.” There was more she wanted to say, but still, she couldn’t quite figure out what it was, so she let the statement dangle there, wishing the right words would come to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori’s cold toes slid between her calves, their legs tangling together. “Me, too. I’ve had a nice time all summer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Jade breathed. “Same.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori scrunched her nose. “Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade rolled her eyes. “You should know by now that if I don’t want to do things, I don’t do them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I know,” Tori said. “I just… you know. It’s not what I expected from the summer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade snorted. “Yeah. No kidding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were quiet for a moment. Tori snuggled closer, tucking her body up against Jade’s, and it was easy, really, for Jade to loop her arm around Tori’s middle. Absentmindedly, she reflected back on the beginning of the summer, when Tori had brushed their hands together and Jade had basked in that brief moment of contact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt so far away from that in this moment. The heavy loneliness she had carried since she and Beck had split, so long ago now, was completely absent. Tori’s fingers on her skin, her nose in Jade’s neck, felt familiar and comforting and… welcome.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it wasn’t just this physical touch, common between them now. Tori’s presence in her life was something Jade liked, looked forward to even. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, how things could change, just like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was growing impossible to ignore, that unspeakable, unnamable feeling. It swirled in her blood, tingled down her limbs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Tori murmured into her neck, and Jade, caught up in that feeling, could barely reply. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade let out a deep breath, trying to relax. “Yeah. ‘Night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori tilted her head up and pressed her lips to Jade’s chin. Jade gave her a returning squeeze, hoping to push some of that feeling out with the gesture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a stubborn feeling, though, one that had settled roots deep in her chest, and it would not, Jade realized, go away so easily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she embraced it, let it wash over her as she lay there, arms wrapped around Tori, and eventually, she drifted off to sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first time all summer, Beck had texted her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d talked in the group chat, of course, but he was a world away in Madrid, and anyway, they’d both been busy. But now, for the first time all summer, he had texted her directly, and all he had said was:</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Beck: </b>
  <span>explain</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade didn’t know what to do with that. Like... what?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then another message came through, and… oh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a screenshot of her Instagram, one of the photos she had uploaded the night before. It was one of the pictures of Tori and, okay, whatever, the caption was </span>
  <em>
    <span>“golden hour.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>But because it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>what about it</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Beck: </b>
  <span>jade</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>it’s not a secret we’ve been hanging out this summer</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Beck: </b>
  <span>sure. hanging out…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was when he sent another screenshot, this time of Tori’s Instagram and a picture of Jade. And maybe she was smiling happily at the camera, like an </span>
  <em>
    <span>actual </span>
  </em>
  <span>smile, but she had </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> witnessed a lady spill egg salad all down her front and it had been the highlight of her entire day. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>that pic is out of context</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Beck: </b>
  <span>you could have just told me. i would have supported you</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>????? told you what</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Beck: </b>
  <span>are you guys dating? i think it’s great</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The spectrum of emotion that passed through Jade in that instant was not quantifiable or even identifiable. She scowled at her phone for a second, then abandoned it next to her on the bed as she decided the question or sentiment or whatever Beck was trying to get at didn’t justify a response. Especially when he hadn’t texted her all summer about anything else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>People really needed to learn to mind their own fucking business.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Okay</span>
  </em>
  <span>, it’s not like she hadn’t thought about it, though. Obviously she had. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had been hanging out like this all summer, kissing and fooling around for half of it, and they saw each other like, literally every day. But when they’d first started it all, it had seemed like such a summer thing, something that had a definite timeline and the end was, of course, when Jade went off to school in September.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But maybe…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe Jade could see it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Continuing</span>
  </em>
  <span> whatever this was.  Maybe she could imagine it, the sleeping in, the waking up together like they had earlier that morning. Jade getting them coffee from the kitchen, chilling next to each other in bed just doing their own thing on their phones, their legs pressed together under the covers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe she could see Tori’s clothes in her room, her t-shirt draped over Jade’s desk chair. The two of them driving around, paying for each other’s Inside-Out Burger and Jet Brew and sushi and whatever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe she could see it. Maybe it could be just like this, her and Tori. A thing. Tori and Jade. Jade-and-Tori.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe she </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> it, she thought, as Tori came out of the bathroom, post-shower and combing through her wet hair, still in Jade’s borrowed clothes from the night before. Tori smiled at her, trailing a comforting hand across Jade’s shoulders as she passed by to get to her bag, and Jade thought, again, how unfairy, stupidly gorgeous Tori was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That feeling filled her up again, the one from the previous night, and Jade realized, suddenly, with annoyance and anger and maybe some modicum of </span>
  <em>
    <span>relief</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that maybe stupid Beck had been right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What they were doing was already dating. There was no </span>
  <em>
    <span>continuing it</span>
  </em>
  <span>, there was only defining it, and Jade suddenly, desperately, wanted to do that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I ran into your mom in the hall,” Tori said, like Jade wasn’t mid-epiphany. Kinda rude, but, fine, pause on that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m guessing she said something embarrassing, then,” Jade grumbled and Tori chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade waited, but Tori didn’t elaborate. “Well,” she demanded. “What was it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She just said she was glad you’re happier this summer. She said last summer you’d been a bit down in the dumps.” Jade glared at that, but Tori was infuriatingly unaffected. She raised her hands placatingly. “Her words, not mine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade huffed, rolling on her back. “I was recovering from a major breakup, in case anyone forgot.” There was no response to that, and Jade lifted her head to see Tori staring at her thoughtfully. She dropped it back down on the pillow with a grunt. “Well, did she say anything else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe,” Tori said again. She climbed on the bed and crawled on top of Jade, resting on her forearms on either side of Jade’s shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, if you’re gonna keep being cryptic, you can leave,” Jade said, but she had wrapped her wrists around the back of Tori’s neck already, so, whatever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori’s lips twitched, her eyes searching Jade’s face. “She seemed to think your better mood this summer had to do with me.”</span>
</p><p><span>Jade immediately scoffed, because </span><em><span>fuck</span></em><span>, what was with these people. She </span><em><span>did</span></em> <em><span>not</span></em><span> ask. “</span><em><span>Oh</span></em><span>.”</span></p><p>
  <span>“I told her to mind her business,” Tori said, eyebrows lifting as she looked at Jade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade blinked, her mouth falling open. “You didn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Tori laughed, “I didn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh.” Jade rolled her eyes. “What did you say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>thanks, same</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Tori’s body shook with laughter. “I didn’t know what to say!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade groaned. “Oh my God. You’re useless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Tori chuckled. She pressed a kiss to Jade’s lips, lingering there. “But you like me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the sort of thing she would have gone out of her way to deny before, but that was then and this was now, and now there was pretty much no part of Jade that wanted to do that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she said, a little breathless in the wake of her earlier epiphany. It would be the perfect segue, this moment, to bring up what she’d been thinking about when Tori was in the shower, but Jade couldn’t find the words. Tori was looking at her with those brown eyes, all soft and pretty, and they just wouldn’t come.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jade,” Tori murmured, her voice small and expression turning pensive again like it had the day before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade frowned. “Hmm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I accepted the Jack Anthony offer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade stilled. “Oh. In New York?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori nodded. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s…” Jade let out a breath. “That’s great. Wow. Congratulations.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> Tori searched her face, eyes flicking back and forth between Jade’s. “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When… um, so when do you leave?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori hesitated. “September First.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow,” Jade blinked. “Soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade felt she should say something now, about whatever this meant for what they were doing. But Tori was still looking at her, just inches from her face, and Jade needed a minute to process this. Still she felt she should say </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m... really proud of you,” was what ended up coming out, and it wasn’t exactly what she intended to say, but maybe it was still in the ballpark of things she </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> to say, so that was cringeworthy. But it was true, so. Ugh. Whatever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori blinked, her mouth falling open slightly. Her neck warmed under Jade’s fingers and her eyes fluttered closed, cheeks turning pink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking at her, Jade’s stomach twisted, a feeling so familiar to her now. She was struck again, as she had so often been that summer, at how unbelievable it was to be in this position with Tori, after everything. But she couldn’t deny that she wanted to be here, with Tori’s nose brushing hers as she leaned in to connect their lips, her weight settling more fully on Jade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had kissed so many times that summer, there was a familiarity there now. But this was something new from Tori, something softer and tender and fond, as Jade let her take the lead. It filled her up, made her heartbeat quicken. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe Jade could see it all now, the things she wanted, literally at her fingertips as they pulled Tori closer by the back of the neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But they were still kissing and Tori was still leaving and no matter how desperately she willed the words that would speak her wishes into existence to leave her mouth, they never did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With August winding down, Jade had just a few shifts left at the movie theater, which unfortunately meant she was training up her replacement, who happened to be the fetus-twerp’s equally fetusy and even more twerpy twin brother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The best movie of the summer was clearly </span>
  <em>
    <span>Transformers</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he was saying to his sister as they stocked up cups and napkins and popcorn bowls. “Like no contest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ew, Greg,” responded the girl-fetus-twerp. “You have garbage taste in films.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade would agree, except she didn’t care enough to actually participate in this stupid conversation. How she got stuck on babysitting duty was truly beyond her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you just only like condescendingly pretentious films. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Boyhood </span>
  </em>
  <span>was so </span>
  <em>
    <span>boring</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re just wrong. Like, objectively.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are too. Jade will tell you. Jade --”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Jade snarled, not even looking up from her Instagram scrolling. “I’m not part of this conversation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Boy-fetus-twerp popped up next to her, looking over her shoulder. She resisted the urge to Whack-A-Mole smack him back where he came from. “Hey, so, Jade. Gretch said you’re dating Tori Vega.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade whipped her head to glare at Gretchen. Gretchen just shrugged, unaffected, which, like, did teens not have a healthy fear mechanism anymore or </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>? “Well, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Gretchen righteously defended.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remember when I told you to mind your fucking business, Gretchen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Greg laughed. “Okay, well, it’s not Gretchen’s fault, to be fair. I mean, I saw one of your Insta posts with Tori on her feed and she said you worked together and stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade just grunted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s hot,” Greg continued. “Like, really hot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m aware,” Jade muttered, wondering if it would be like,</span>
  <em>
    <span> too</span>
  </em>
  <span> out of line to smack a fifteen year-old.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She can sing, too,” Gretchen said. “‘Turn On the Sun’ is totally in my top-listened to right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Greg made a noise. “Eh. It’s catchy but it’s way overplayed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, really, though, Jade wondered. Just a little knock upside the head. Would it be </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> bad?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Greg gasped, sounding very fifteen for a second. “Can we meet her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade stared. “Who, Tori?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Gretchen said, excitedly nodding along next to her brother and making them look like a pair of twin bobbleheads. “Oh my God, Jade, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade scowled. “I’m not her fucking keeper.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But Jaaaade,” Gretchen whined. “Can you </span>
  <em>
    <span>ask</span>
  </em>
  <span> her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Buy backstage passes to her future show like everyone else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But,” Greg groaned. “You’re her girlfriend. Doesn’t she want to meet your coworkers?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade snorted. “First, no. And second, I never confirmed or denied that title.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually,” Gretchen sniffed. “You kind of did deny it. But I didn’t believe you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Greg frowned. “Why would you </span>
  <em>
    <span>deny</span>
  </em>
  <span> that you’re dating Tori Vega? She’s hot!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard you the first time!” Jade snapped. “And I don’t have time to explain our entire history to a couple of middle schoolers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re about to be sophomores,” Gretchen said petulantly. “And you could just </span>
  <em>
    <span>ask</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was then that Jade decided she’d had enough of this pointless conversation. “Okay, listen up, Tweedledee and Tweedledum. I do not have any interest in bringing my dating life, whatever that looks like, into my work-life. And even if I did, I wouldn’t subject Tori to the fangirl whining of a couple of twerps like you. So go clean the ICEE machine, and leave me alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, Ja--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GO!” She pointed her finger and, finally, thank fuck, the two twerps looked a little scared of her, and scuttled off toward the machine, tails between their legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her last day could not come quick enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade was in a mood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not for any particular reason, really. Jade was just often in a mood. It hadn’t happened much that summer, mostly just when she dealt with idiotic people at work, but boy, was she in a mood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori was packing for New York, so she was too busy for Jade. Not that she’d said that. What she’d actually said was, “come over and chill with me while I pack,” and to that Jade had said, “hard pass.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had better things to do than sit around and watch Tori get ready to leave. Better things, like working on her script.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except she had a major case of writer’s block, so that wasn’t happening. Instead she was going down a SplashFace rabbit hole and watching videos of old people falling to cheer her up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t working, but it was still funny.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then SplashFace was recommending Tori’s music video to her and Jade was clicking on it because she was in a mood and enjoyed self-induced torture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d already watched the video and it was pretty much as Tori had said it would be, just her walking around LA and singing. Boring. But whatever. She figured it was a pretty typical genre of music video. Tina Turner had made it look good and so did Tori, so like, Jade didn’t hold it against her. She watched it to the end in any case.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then, because she was in a mood and had nothing better to do, she was reading the comments on the video. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Most of them were pretty nice.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Love it!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ahhhh obsessed with this song!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Come to Brazil!!!!!!!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>But then there were others, which weren’t so nice, like:</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“This girl will be a 1 hit wonder.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“The sun isn’t the only thing she could turn on...”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“The unspeakably filthy things I would do to Tori Vega 🍆💦”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ugh. Jade rolled her eyes and closed her laptop with a huff.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe that was enough self-induced torture for one day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade was done with Regal Cinemas. Like. For good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d clocked out for the last time, returned her employee shirt and key card, and now she was just waiting by concessions because Tori had promised to take her to Cheesecake Warehouse after her shift, partly because Tori was leaving tomorrow, and partly to celebrate the fact that Jade had only been written up twice all summer for being rude to people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Customer service was kind of her bitch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Won’t you come back next summer? Pleeeeeeeeeeease, Jade?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But maybe Jade should’ve waited in the mall because if she had to listen to these fetus-twerps whine for five more minutes, she might kill one of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Jade, Gretchen wouldn’t shut up about you all summer and now I finally work here too and you’re just leaving? It’s pretty messed up, dude.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade sighed because she could not be flattered by some geeky fifteen year-olds. “Sucks to suck, twerps.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>hate</span>
  </em>
  <span> that you’re leaving me with Old Man Boris,” Gretchen hissed. Old Man Boris was their oldest employee at seventy and he often followed Gretchen around because she reminded him of his granddaughter. Jade thought it was hilarious, but only because it wasn’t her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh,” Jade shrugged. “Tell him to fuck off once and he’ll leave you alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gretchen crossed her arms. “You know I can’t do that!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not my problem, Gretch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s not your problem?” An arm slid around Jade’s waist and if she hadn’t recognized Tori’s voice, the dumbstruck expressions on the fetus-twerps’ faces would’ve given it away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing is my problem anymore,” Jade said gleefully, finally ready to leave this unholy place for good. “Later kids.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it appeared the twerps wouldn’t let this be an easy goodbye, because they both seemed to gasp at the exact same time, their combined inhalation of breath sounding exactly like a kettle blowing off steam. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ohhhhh. Myyyyyyy. Godddddddddd!” Gretchen recovered first. “Jade you </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade realized what was happening a second too late and cringed. “I really didn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t what?” Tori asked, glancing at Jade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jade said she wasn’t going to let you meet us because we’re embarrassing,” Greg said, his eyes still wide. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori gave her an amused look. “Did she?” Jade just grunted. “Well I didn’t realize Jade had friends at work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Friends?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jade shot her a horrified glare. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Tori</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, Jade, you didn’t even tell her about us?” Greg teased and Jade considered strangling him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t even know </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> until last week!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re still friends, though!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade absolutely would strangle him. She would. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“</span>
  </em>
  <span>We’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> friends.</span>
  <em>
    <span>”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori laughed. “She used to say that about me, too,” she conspiratorially whispered to the twins. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gretchen smirked. “Wow. And now you’re da--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GRETCHEN.” Jade glared. “If you don’t mind your business, I will personally threaten Old Man Boris into never leaving you alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gretchen huffed. “Fine. Geez. You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>soooo </span>
  </em>
  <span>grumpy.” She sighed, turning back to Tori. “At the risk of having Jade pay an old man to stalk me,” Jade’s glare sharpened, “would you mind if I got an autograph?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade wheezed, but Tori just laughed. “Yeah, of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gretchen beamed and hit the button on the receipt printer, printing out a blank strip of paper and ripping it off. She grabbed a stray pen and handed it to Tori, who signed it and gave it back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Greg was also ripping off a blank receipt and jotting something down on it, but Jade couldn’t see what, because suddenly she was being wrapped up in a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blinked, mouth opening in shock. “Why are you touching me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gretchen snorted into her shoulder. “It’s called a hug.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know what a hug is. Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m gonna miss you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade made horrified eye contact with Tori over Gretchen’s shoulder. Tori gave her a </span>
  <em>
    <span>look</span>
  </em>
  <span> and Jade sighed. Awkwardly, she patted Gretchen on the back. “Yeah. I’m gonna… same.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally Gretchen squeezed her once, hard, before releasing her. “Come visit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade thought there was probably no way in hell she’d step foot in this Regal Cinemas again, but whatever. “Um. Yeah. For sure.” Gretchen beamed at her and maybe that was… nice. She grunted. “Well. Anyway. It was nice knowing you. Thing 1.” She nodded at Greg. “Thing 2.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep,” Greg said. “See you around.” Then he held out the receipt paper to Tori. “So, hey. If you ever get tired of Jade’s attitude, which sounds pretty likely, this is my number.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade blinked. Stared at the receipt paper. Watched as Tori reached out and grabbed the paper, pocketing it with a laugh. “I’m pretty familiar with Jade’s many moods,” Tori said, her hand squeezing Jade’s waist once as if to placate her. “But thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Greg shot her a smirk. Jade glared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She. Would. Strangle. Him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except Tori was grabbing her hand now, perhaps sensing danger, and giving it a squeeze. “Well, great meeting you guys! I’m sure we’ll see you around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that, she steered Jade out of the Regal Cinemas and into the mall, and Jade did not get to strangle anyone at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The waiter was flirting with Tori. Like, actually flirting. Not fifteen year-oldish idiotic flirting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was grinning at her and Tori was handing him her menu, smiling back. Then he was walking away and Jade was glaring at him as he went.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And like. Okay. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Okay</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Jade had been here before. Jade had </span>
  <em>
    <span>lived </span>
  </em>
  <span>here so many times before. Jade was so fucking familiar with this entire area that she might as well be the mayor of the fucking place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But </span>
  <em>
    <span>come on</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It wasn’t her fault that all the people she was into were extremely attractive and had great hair. </span>
  <em>
    <span>How </span>
  </em>
  <span>was that her problem?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why must she be the one to suffer?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cat told me that Sam eats the huge salads from this place and will finish the whole thing and still be hungry,” Tori was saying to her like Jade wasn’t using every bit of willpower she possessed to repress the jealous energy swirling inside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh.” Jade grunted. She was digging her nails into her palms in her lap to keep her mood away. It wasn’t working.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori gave her a strange look and hooked her foot around Jade’s under the table. Jade froze because it was between that and shrugging Tori off completely and she didn’t want to do that. She didn’t want to do </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She really fucking didn’t want to do this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why did she always do this?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Tori said, clearly reading Jade like an open book. “Is this because I said I was familiar with your moods?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t. But now that she mentioned it, that was annoying, too. “No. It’s nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori rolled her eyes. “It’s clearly not nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade thinned her lips. She did not want to snap at Tori in this stupid Cheesecake Warehouse in the mall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it because… your coworker gave me his number?” Tori must have seen something on her face because she raised her eyebrows. “Jade.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh. What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s like twelve.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade sniffed. “Fifteen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jade.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> She snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori’s lips twitched. “I’m not gonna be into some fifteen year-old.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you did take his number,” snarked Jade. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was being nice!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And okay, it wasn’t even about that. Jade knew this, rationally. She knew Tori wasn’t into the stupid fetus-twerp. She knew that. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you had no problem being </span>
  <em>
    <span>nice</span>
  </em>
  <span> to our suck-up waiter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So why was she </span>
  <em>
    <span>doing</span>
  </em>
  <span> this?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori frowned, looking at Jade curiously. Then she smiled. Like actually fucking smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jade.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Tori.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not into the waiter.” Jade said nothing and Tori chuckled. “I’m actually into </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, in case you didn’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade’s heart did about three cartwheels and ended up somewhere in her stomach. She shivered, suddenly feeling very cold and exposed in this heavily air-conditioned restaurant and with Tori looking at her like </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, obviously,” she muttered. But Tori clearly saw through her deflection because her lips twitched. Jade grunted, fighting off her blush. “‘Kay whatever. Give me your jacket. It’s freezing in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori snorted, but easily slid out of her jean jacket and passed it across the table. Jade put it on, then slumped her chin in her hand on the table, feeling a little better. The jacket was warm and it smelled like Tori’s laundry detergent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori rested her hand on the table, palm upward, and looked at Jade expectantly. Jade stared down at the hand. Tori waggled her fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, she rolled her eyes and reached out, lacing her fingers with Tori’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was good. It was fine. It was… whatever. Jade wasn’t blushing. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Her face was just… warm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She deflated, getting lost for a second in the pretty brown of Tori’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then their waiter was back with their drinks and Tori looked away, breaking their gaze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t take her hand away, though, and Jade stared at their interlocked fingers on the table, wondering how it felt like her heart had gone from a near standstill to performing a flying acrobatics routine just because Tori Vega had held her hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The evening was kind of perfect after that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori bought her cheesecake, and after, they made out against Jade’s car in the parking lot. Tori said good night, and when Jade tried to give her back her jacket, Tori had told her to keep it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then she’d given Jade a last kiss good night, and Jade had driven home in some kind of daze, feeling like her heart was flying right out of her chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, she thought, settling into some new kind of mindset. She could do this. She could do this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She really, really could do this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>Hey. I had a good time tonight</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>Jade?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>Okay, haven’t heard from you since last night. Everything okay?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>Jade??????????</span>
</p><p>
  <b>2 Missed Calls from Tori Vega</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>Can you just let me know you’re okay? I’m worried about you</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>Jade come on. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>Okay well. My flight is at 9 tonight. I wanted to say goodbye to you.  Please answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>Okay just… text me when you can I guess. See you in a few weeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t do this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>God. She could </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> do this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had gotten home the night before, went to take her keys out of Tori’s jacket pocket, and had pulled out that stupid receipt paper with the fetus-twerp’s number on it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And okay, whatever. She’d rolled her eyes and thrown it out. It wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then she’d gone on Instagram because Tori had tagged her in a post. It was a set of pictures, the main one being of their cheesecake, but you could see their held hands off to the side and that was fine. The second was a selfie, one that Jade had begrudgingly let Tori take, but they looked good together, so…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whatever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then Jade’s eyes had flickered down to the comments (like really, they were just right there in your face weren’t they?), and had seen the following:</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Trina_Vega: </b>
  <span>TORI you better have brought me home some cheesecake</span>
</p><p>
  <b>jackanthony: </b>
  <span>Wow absolutely gorgeous! Can’t wait to work with you 😍</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>122 other comments</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And that was pretty much when Jade realized she could not fucking do this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had spent so long doing this with Beck. The uncertainty, the possessiveness, the jealousy. She had </span>
  <em>
    <span>hated</span>
  </em>
  <span> it, and he had hated it, and in the end, it had been their downfall. And it had been her fault.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade knew that. God, she knew that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that was </span>
  <em>
    <span>then</span>
  </em>
  <span> and this was now, and if she hadn’t learned from her relationship with Beck, then what was the point? Then was it all for nothing?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she knew, rationally, that she had no reason to be mad at Tori. Tori could make her own decisions. She could be with guys from Sherwood who were obsessed with golf, or waiters at the Cheesecake Warehouse, or Jack Fucking Anthony himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she was with Jade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(Wasn’t she??)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except soon she would be gone, a rising star, across the country and busy, attention on her everywhere she went.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Jade… Jade needed hands held across the table, makeout sessions in her car, validation that Tori was </span>
  <em>
    <span>into her</span>
  </em>
  <span>, not anyone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade knew how she was, what she could be like. Needy, insecure, outrageously, toxically jealous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t want to do that again. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>could not</span>
  </em>
  <span> do that again. Not to Tori, who was so much more emotionally available than Beck. Tori, who would tease her back, who would reach out, who would put everything on hold if it meant keeping whatever they had alive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because that’s what Tori always did. Tori and her unrelenting determination that they would be friends, no matter how shitty Jade had been to her or how many times Jade had rejected the claim. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What would Tori be like if they were not just friends, but something more? Something bigger than all that?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade had slumped on her bed, head in her hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An hour before she had been on what seemed like a high-speed train, going so fast it felt she might fly off the tracks. She needed to step off for a second before they both got crushed underneath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade had always forged her own path in her life. She knew what she wanted and she went for it. In her relationships, her personality, her art. She had never been afraid to rock the boat, to make things more difficult than they had to be. She had liked it that way even, had never wanted things to be so smooth sailing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she had never gone so far as to sink the ship, had never been that self-sabotaging that she’d collapsed her life in the process. With Beck, she’d come close. She’d always made waves, but they’d somehow managed to stay upright.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade had gone off-course. She’d gotten lost in the pretty brown of Tori’s eyes and let herself be pulled in, and she’d forgotten, for a moment, that her jealousy was a hurricane of destruction, liable to sink them both.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, Jade thought. She could not do this. Not right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She needed a minute. She needed time to sort herself out, to right the ship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because she should not be mad at Tori for some comment that someone else made on their stupid Instagram selfie. But she </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>and no matter how rational she was about it, she couldn’t make that feeling disappear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Jade would not, </span>
  <em>
    <span>could not</span>
  </em>
  <span>, let them drown completely. She liked Tori too much for that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And there it was, at last. It came to her, the words to describe that unnamable, unspeakable feeling, which was no longer so unnamable or unspeakable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had </span>
  <em>
    <span>feelings</span>
  </em>
  <span> for Tori Vega. Real, actual feelings. And she could not dream up a fantasy scenario anymore that included her and Tori being together without Jade doing what she always did and messing it all up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So maybe Jade just needed some time. Time to work herself out, to come to terms with their situation and her own flaws. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could do that. Tori would go, just for a few weeks, and Jade would tame the storm and right the ship. Then Tori would come back, because Tori had always, </span>
  <em>
    <span>always </span>
  </em>
  <span>come back. Even when Jade hadn’t deserved it, Tori had always come back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade had not thought to consider, in that moment, what would happen if Tori did not come back.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>you didn't think this was all fluff did you?????</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. 'tis the damn season/august (tori)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"It was just a little too cliche, Tori thought. Sitting in her parked car over the holidays in front of a school she didn’t even go to anymore, crying over Jade West."</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for the feedback so far. appreciate you guys.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Four months.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been four months since Tori had gone to New York, four months since she’d left LA.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Four months since she’d seen Jade West.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she’d decided to come back for the holidays, she’d waffled back and forth between wanting to see Jade or not. On one hand, she had a lot she wanted to say to Jade. She had four months of things-left-unsaid on her mind and that list only continued to grow the longer she didn't say them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the other hand, she was afraid that seeing Jade would reopen a painful wound that was only fractionally held together anyway, and that didn’t exactly sound like a great way to spend her Christmas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ultimately, she’d decided it would be in her best interest to avoid Jade for the time being.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except Trina had dragged her to do some last minute Christmas shopping at Wanko’s Warehouse, and she had ventured into the electronics department, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>, there she was, in all her beautiful, gloomy glory: Jade West. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori skidded to a halt at the end of the aisle, shock stopping her in her tracks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade hadn’t seen her yet. No, Jade was looking at something on display, her eyes narrowed in that hyper-focused way that Tori had increasingly found sexy, and she had not yet seen Tori.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked the same, Tori thought. Same ripped black jeans, same black sweater, same dark makeup. Just her hair was different. Wavy, like she sometimes wore it, but the dyed strands were blue now, not green like they’d been when Tori had left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori stood there frozen, unsure what to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade had still not seen her, but it would only be moments before she looked up, surely, and… then what?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then they had words in Wanko’s? Made up? Completely ignored each other?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori didn’t know. She didn’t even know what she </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> to happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(Well. Maybe she did.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(Maybe she really, really did.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before she could decide what to do, though, Jade started to look up, to turn her head, and Tori took a quick step backward, using the aisle-dividing shelf to hide. She pressed herself against the boxes on the shelf, her heart pounding. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t ready. Whatever she </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>(or really, really wanted), she wasn’t ready.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because once she saw Jade, once she said what she needed to say, there would be no turning back, for better or worse. And as long as everything remained so unresolved, so without closure, then Tori could continue to fantasize a scenario that went her way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If she said her piece to Jade, and it didn’t go well, then that was that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But if she never said anything at all, then Tori could still give in to the possibility of hope.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And no matter what she told herself, she just wasn’t ready to give up that possibility quite yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The worst part was that she just didn’t get what happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t know where or when the disconnect between them occurred. One minute she’d been kissing Jade good night, and the next she was texting and getting no response. One day she’d been working up the courage to tell Jade how she felt, the next she’d been ghosted. Like night and day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Things with Jade had always been a little like that, though. Jade was a master of the bait-and-switch, and Tori had always fallen for it. It seemed their early relationship had almost entirely consisted of Jade luring her in with the possibility of friendship only to give her coffee from the trash or rides to school that left her traumatized.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori had kinda thought they’d moved past that, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It just didn’t make </span>
  <em>
    <span>sense</span>
  </em>
  <span>. How they got from that last night at Cheesecake Warehouse to where they were now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it was that lack of understanding that really frustrated Tori the most.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thing about the summer was that Tori had thought that, for once, they’d been on the same page. They had been hurtling toward something unexpected, but Tori had thought they’d both wanted the same thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she thought back on the summer, she worried she’d twisted it in her mind into something that it wasn’t. That August had been like a dream and Tori wondered if maybe that was because she’d made it into one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t know the exact moment when Jade started to consider them something new. Because whatever they had been -- friends, friends with benefits, girlfriends -- it had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>new</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Tori just knew that Jade had kissed her and, for her, suddenly everything was different. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something in Tori had come to life that night. Something had suddenly cracked open inside her, something she hadn’t known was there. Jade had been kissing her, her fingers on Tori’s face, her eyes an electric blue as they locked onto Tori’s, and Tori had thought </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh. Now this</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Now this</span>
  </em>
  <span> was what kissing should feel like.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Now this</span>
  </em>
  <span> was what people meant when they said they had butterflies.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Now this</span>
  </em>
  <span> was Jade West, soft and fun and </span>
  <em>
    <span>sexy</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whatever it had been for Jade, for Tori it had been the beginning of a treacherous downward slope. She had kissed Jade back and started sliding into something she couldn’t stop. She had gone over the precipice of that hill and she had not, not even for a second, looked back. She hadn’t even considered it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There had been Jade’s lips, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>now this</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and Tori had started to fall. She had started to fall and she hadn’t wanted to stop. She had wanted to keep falling, into Jade, into </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span>, into the rush of that beautiful newness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hadn’t stopped to think that Jade might not want to fall with her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Tori had hit the ground, hard, and she had only one thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Now this</span>
  </em>
  <span> was heartbreak. And boy, did it suck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So there Tori stood, frozen with her back against a few discounted Blu-Ray players, and she was not ready.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t ready to face Jade, with her electric eyes and her cutting sarcasm. She wasn’t ready to rip open the wound, but she wasn’t ready to start permanently stitching it back together, either. She had clung to this uncertain limbo for four months, and though it was painful, she wasn’t ready to relinquish it quite yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She peeked her head around the corner, just to see if Jade was still there, to see if Jade had noticed her at all. But the aisle was empty and Jade was gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori let out a breath, turning around to go find Trina so they could leave this place </span>
  <em>
    <span>immediately</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and --</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“AH!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She jumped, like, a mile. Because there was Jade West, standing there with her arms crossed and lips twisted in a very familiar scowl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Creep much?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I -- no, I wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>creeping</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I was just --” And there it was, that old, familiar indignance that always rose in her when Jade looked at her like that, and she felt it taking over. “Okay, no, you know what? I don’t have to explain myself to you. I have every right to be in this Wanko’s and in this aisle!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade raised an eyebrow. “Except that you’re supposed to be in New York.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m not!” Jade continued to stare and Tori felt the pressure of the expectant silence start to get to her. “I came back for the holidays.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Oh,"</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jade said, and her expression was so cold Tori nearly shivered. "Glad you could find a reason to come back at last."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori frowned. "What is that supposed to mean?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Figure it out." Then Jade started to walk away, and after all that, Tori couldn't bear to just let it happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grabbed for Jade. "Okay, no just wait a second."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade glared down at Tori’s hand, wrapped around her forearm, but she didn’t yank away, and Tori didn’t let go. She had never found Jade so particularly scary as the rest of them, but if she were being honest, that probably had more to do with her own naive stupidity than actual bravery. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let go,” Jade demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just wait a second,” Tori repeated. “Don’t leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s rich,” Jade muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori rolled her eyes. “Jade.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Jade hissed. “You’ve been gone for four months and you really want to do this right now in fucking Wanko’s?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori frowned, remembering where (and, ugh, who) she was. Right. She released Jade’s arm, but she couldn’t really help herself. “Why didn’t you call me? Or text even?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade crossed her arms, pulling them into herself. She stared at Tori head-on. “Why didn’t you come back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you never called!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was rare that Tori had seen Jade look so genuinely perplexed. Which like, what? She could not, for the life of her, understand what was so surprising about this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought…” Jade began, her defensive stance sagging ever so slightly. “After you came back, I was going --”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tori! There you are,” and Tori had never in her life wished for a different sister as much as she did then. She tore her eyes away from Jade to see Trina striding up to them, a few potential purchases in hand. When she saw who Tori was talking to, she froze. “Oh, it’s you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade’s face immediately twisted back into displeasure, her posture hardening again. “Oh, my bad. I didn’t realize there was a 2-for-1 sale happening right now. Find one obnoxious Vega sister, get the second one free!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori actually might have laughed if half the dig hadn’t been at her. She was definitely in agreement with the part about Trina being obnoxious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh,” Trina scoffed. She turned to Tori. “I can’t believe you’re friends with her. Or whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not friends,” Jade drawled, her eyes still on Tori. Then her voice turned so sickly and sarcastically sweet, she could almost pass for Cat. “But it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> lovely to see you both. Have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>great </span>
  </em>
  <span>rest of your holiday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a final quirk of her perfectly pierced eyebrow, she pushed past Tori and stomped away. Tori watched her go until she was out of sight. Then she turned on Trina. “UGH, Trina! You have the worst timing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever,” Trina shrugged. “I’m done, anyway. Let’s go. Unless you need something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori shook her head. She had definitely gotten more out of this stupid Wanko’s trip than she had bargained for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There actually had been one text exchange between them after Tori had left. Just one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was barely enough to even count, but it had happened, the day after Tori had touched down in New York. She’d still been trying to get in contact with Jade at that point, leaning more toward being worried something had happened than anything else, and not quite ready to give up on the idea of them. Of Jade-and-Tori. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then Jade had sent her immediately to voicemail and that had been… annoying.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>Really? If you don’t answer, I’m just going to keep calling. What happened to you?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And finally, finally, Jade responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>i need some space</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori had stared at the message, frowning down at those four little words. Space? Space from what? How much more space could you give a girl than 3,000 miles?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>Okay. Text me when you’re ready to talk I guess.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that had been that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d settled into New York, turning her focus to music, to her </span>
  <em>
    <span>career</span>
  </em>
  <span>. If Jade wanted space then Tori would give it to her. She had things to occupy her time anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then days turned to weeks, and things started picking up for her. New York was where it was happening, it seemed, where she could hit fast-forward on her dreams and make them reality. There were music videos to shoot, songs to be featured on, plans for live-shows and more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d planned to stay for one month, but when her success started to skyrocket, she became busier, and she realized she actually didn’t have to go back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should just stay,” said Jack, one night when they were in the studio. He was a cool guy, in his late-twenties and married to a sweet and painfully gay Abercrombie model named Juan. They were sort of the only friends Tori had in New York after her three short weeks there. “New York moves at such a different pace than LA. You can get stuff </span>
  <em>
    <span>done</span>
  </em>
  <span> here, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The idea wasn’t horrible, Tori thought. Her mind involuntarily drifted to Jade and her space, wondering if she’d had enough yet. She was still new at this -- at her music career, at doing things on her own, at navigating the complex wants and wishes of Jade West. Maybe staying a little longer actually was the best thing for her right then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she put down a deposit for a 9-month lease on a pre-furnished place. Her mom shipped some more of her stuff over. And that was that. Suddenly, she lived in New York.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to take you out,” Jack gushed to her. “Best gay bars in the world, right here in the city.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m still nineteen,” Tori replied weakly, heart going very fast at the word </span>
  <em>
    <span>gay</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Because she was still new at that, too, wasn’t she? Even if she was pretty sure it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>true</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack waved a hand at her protest. “Don’t worry about it. Anyway, I’ve seen pics of your girl. A heartbreaker like that will fuck you up for months and you are </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> moping around, okay? You’re too pretty and too talented, and anyway, it’s bad for your sunshiney popstar image.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Tori had gone out. She’d drank expensive fruity cocktails on other people’s dimes, danced with Jack Anthony and people she had no interest in, and she’d enjoyed herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She liked New York. Maybe not permanently -- she missed LA non-weather and, ironically, she missed having space around her (New York was sort of claustrophobic that way) -- but it was good for now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, Tori thought of Jade. Three thousand miles stretched between them, an endless abyss of space, and Tori felt she was drowning in it all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Jade hadn’t texted. Or called. Not even an email or an Instagram like. Her silence was cold and confusing, the opposite of their summer together, and the further Tori slipped away from that August, the less it felt like what she'd had with Jade had even been real at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori was set to go back to New York the Sunday after Christmas, but she wasn’t sure she was going to make it that long. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had gotten used to independence, to living alone in New York, but now she’d been cooped up with her family for a week and Trina, in particular, was starting to get on Tori’s nerves. She wouldn’t stop begging Tori to introduce her to industry people, but as Tori was still an industry green-bean, she not only didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>that many people, but she definitely didn’t have enough power to get someone with Trina’s voice in anybody’s good graces.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trina was relentless, though, and started sending Tori an endless stream of videos of her singing. The night after Christmas, Tori’d finally had enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going for a drive,” she’d snapped, desperate for some air and some time away from her family. Her parents weren’t bad, but they could at least tell Trina to leave her alone!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t know exactly where she was going, but nostalgia led her down the familiar road to Hollywood Arts. It was closed off for the break, so Tori pulled up in the empty lot between the school and the church next door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stared at the building, looking at its dark windows and familiar exterior. She remembered her first day there so clearly. How had it only been a couple of years ago? How had this one place set her on a path that would change her life so much?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just sat there for a minute, breathing, looking at the school that had given her everything. Friends. Passion. The start of an actual career making </span>
  <em>
    <span>music</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before she even recognized what was happening, a sob ripped out of her throat. She gripped the steering wheel in front of her, letting fury and confusion and everything she’d been feeling for the past four months out into the compact space of the dark car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a minute, she wiped her eyes, pulling herself together. It was just a little too cliche, she thought. Sitting in her parked car over the holidays in front of a school she didn’t even go to anymore, crying over Jade West.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because those tears were mostly for Jade. Sure there was a bit of nostalgia, and homesickness, and just the overwhelming feeling of letting out the feelings you’d been bottling up for some time. But mostly, those tears were for Jade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was funny, really, Tori thought bitterly. When she’d attended this school, she never thought she’d be crying over Jade West. Crying </span>
  <em>
    <span>because</span>
  </em>
  <span> of Jade, maybe. There had been a few times she’d come close (that first day when Jade dumped coffee on her, that time she pushed Tori off the ledge for the stunt scene, when Jade tried to wreck her Prome, just to name a few), but never had she thought she’d be crying because Jade West broke her heart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt weird to think it. Because they hadn’t even been dating, not really. Sure, they had done things that people in relationships do. They’d gone out for sushi, hung out and watched TV together, they’d been… physically intimate. Jade had been Tori’s first time, and maybe that didn’t have to mean anything, not really, but when she looked at it in the context of the whole summer, it really, really did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That day she left for New York, she had wanted to look Jade in the eyes and ask Jade to be hers. Like, for real. So that when she came back from New York, they would be a thing. Jade-and-Tori. Something Tori could hold in her heart, prized as its own special category: </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jade and Me. Us.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>But Jade had iced her out, so Jade had never been hers and she had not been Jade’s, and to think that Jade West could break her heart when she had not even been given the chance to tell Jade it was hers in the first place was just... pathetic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori sighed, her fingers reaching for her phone in the cup holder, just for something to do. She wasn’t ready to go home yet, back to her hovering parents and annoyingly persistent sister. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She spent some time scrolling through her social media apps, clicking around on her Slap page. Then, because she must be into some specific kind of torture that night, she clicked over to Jade’s Instagram.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had avoided it, really, since late September, but there were still only a couple new posts she hadn’t seen yet. Jade didn’t really post much and when she did, they were usually really artsy. There was that one of Tori at sunset that had made Tori lightheaded when she first saw it. Because it had been a kind of quiet confirmation -- this was how Jade West saw her: golden and glowing and gorgeous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or not, Tori thought now. Maybe it had been, as Jade had said that night, just the lighting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade’s newest pictures, few though they were, were certainly in Jade-fashion, becoming of a beautiful and brooding freshman film student: coffee shop aesthetic, dark clouds, a roll of undeveloped film.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And surprisingly, one of Jade, captured in profile. Tori’s fingers paused their scrolling, halting the screen from moving. It wasn’t a selfie; someone else had taken the photo. Curiously, Tori clicked the tagged account and it hopped over to the locked, private profile of some girl named Beth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori’s heart twisted, but she ignored it. Jade had people here now, friends -- or more, maybe -- that Tori did not know. The thought was strange, Jade having friends outside of their Hollywood Arts group, but they all did now. Growing up was kind of pleasantly heartbreaking like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She frowned and clicked back to the picture, really taking it in now. Jade was in her element, a camera held out in front of her. She had her hair tied back (Tori’s heart skipped at the rare sight), sunglasses over her eyes, jaw set seriously. She was beautiful, to be sure, but that wasn’t why Tori’s stomach flipped three times over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade was wearing her jacket. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Her</span>
  </em>
  <span> jacket. Tori’s jean jacket that she had given to Jade </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> night. Jade had ghosted her, saying she needed space, and here she was on -- Tori checked the date of the picture -- </span>
  <em>
    <span>November 4th</span>
  </em>
  <span>, wearing Tori’s jean jacket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without thinking, really, she pulled up her messaging app.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>I want my jacket back</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was convinced Jade wouldn’t respond, but before Tori could even click out of the message, the message popped over to </span>
  <em>
    <span>read</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And then --</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>fine. i’ll be home all night, come and get it if you want it</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori stared down at the message.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Come and get it</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a Jade West challenge if Tori ever saw one. She dropped her phone back into the cup holder, her hands coming up to grip the steering wheel again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, no, she couldn’t just… </span>
  <em>
    <span>go</span>
  </em>
  <span> to Jade’s. It was 10pm and Tori should be getting home, and anyway, they were, like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fighting</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Sort of? Whatever it was they were doing, it wasn’t like they were on good terms. She couldn’t just go to Jade’s and get the jacket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then again, Tori still had things she wanted to say, and maybe now she could finally say them, without being in a stupid Wanko’s with dumb Trina interrupting them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Surely Jade had to know Tori wouldn’t just </span>
  <em>
    <span>let it go</span>
  </em>
  <span>, whatever conversation they hadn’t even really started (let alone finished) the one minute they saw each other in Wanko’s. But… Jade had approached her, hadn’t she? If Jade hadn’t wanted to talk, she could’ve slipped away into the store while Tori had her back turned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori almost smiled at the thought. Yeah, right. Jade West, avoid confrontation? Not likely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fine, Tori thought. She had seldom backed down from one of Jade’s challenges, and anyway, what did she have to lose? She had already, seemingly, lost Jade. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The least she could do was get her jacket back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori didn’t know what she expected when she rang the bell and Jade’s front door swung open. Maybe for Jade to shove the jacket in her arms and slam the door in her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What she definitely had not expected was to be greeted by a smiling middle-aged man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” he grinned, like a stranger hadn't just rang the bell at ten o'clock. “Can I help you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori blinked, suddenly doubting that Jade still even lived at this address. It would be just like Jade to move and conveniently, purposely forget to inform Tori of this when she’d said to come over. A hilarious prank, courtesy of Jade West. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But no, that was definitely Jade’s same old car in the driveway and her same old 8th-grade picture on the wall just inside the entranceway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um,” Tori said. “Is Jade here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh!” The guy waved her inside. “You must be Tori! Lynn has told me all about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Weird to know she was a topic of conversation between Jade’s mom and… this man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man winked. “Jade’s in her room. You can go on up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori thanked him and bounded up the stairs, confused enough that she forgot she was nervous to see Jade, and she knocked on Jade’s closed door before she even had time to think about what she wanted to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then Jade was snarking, “what?,” and well. Too late now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori pushed open the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade was sitting in bed, slouched against the headboard, computer in her lap. Judging by the sounds coming from the speakers, she was in the middle of watching something, and the sight was so familiar, Tori almost forgot they were fighting. Or whatever it was they were doing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um,” Tori said, pointing behind her. “Did you know there’s a man in your house?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade snorted, not bothering to look at her. “Unless you mean someone other than Phil, then yes, I’m aware.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Phil,” Tori frowned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My mom’s boyfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Good for her. Since when?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade shrugged. “October or something, I dunno.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he nice? Or do you like him?” Tori amended, realizing those weren’t necessarily inclusive when it came to Jade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade seemed to think about it for a second. Eventually, she grunted. “He has interesting taste in 80s movies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori was pretty sure that was a compliment coming from Jade, but it was hard to tell. “Oh. Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your jacket’s there.” Jade pointed to her desk chair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori could see the dismissal for what it was, but Jade didn’t really think she was going to leave that easily, did she? “Well, since I’m already here, I thought maybe we could talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade’s eyes finally left the screen and flicked over to Tori. She didn’t pause whatever she was watching, though, and Tori flinched when suspenseful music began to issue from the speakers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you? Well, maybe I don’t think that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on. If you didn’t want me to bring it up then you wouldn’t have invited me here. You knew I would!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade scoffed. “Or maybe I just don’t really consider what you may or may not do anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, that stung a bit, even though Tori kind of knew it wasn’t true. Still. “Well, that implies that at one point you did, which brings us back to the same thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my God, fine,” Jade huffed, finally pausing whatever she was watching and pushing the laptop away so she could sit up straighter. “Just say what you want to say then and let’s be done with this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wanna know what happened because I don’t get it,” Tori threw her hands up, deciding the conversation didn’t need much preamble. “Like, really, Jade, I’m serious. Did I make it all up in my head? Because it seemed like we were something and then suddenly you decided to ignore me. Was it a joke? Another classic Jade prank? Be with Tori all summer, drag her along like you like her, then pretend she doesn’t exist? I don’t get it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade stared at her, expression unreadable. Finally, she frowned. “You really think I would do that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori scoffed. “At this point I have no idea what you would do. Because I didn’t think you would just completely ghost me either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said I needed space!” Jade defended. “I didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>completely</span>
  </em>
  <span> ghost.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori rolled her eyes. “Yes you did. No goodbye, no word about what was happening. One text and four months of radio silence does </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> qualify as not ghosting. It just doesn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you were supposed to come back after a month. I figured you’d moved on!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I haven’t!” And there it was, like a slap to the face, the thought Tori had tried to ignore. She didn’t move on. She still hadn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade blinked. Said nothing. Tori pulled her arms around her stomach, breathing hard. She honestly didn’t know what to think anymore. Jade had always been so good at getting a rise out of her and Tori had never been able to keep her thoughts close to her chest. She had always shown Jade all her cards too soon, too quick, and she didn’t know anymore what Jade would do with them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t make it up,” Jade said finally. “I’m sorry if I made you think that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The word </span>
  <em>
    <span>sorry</span>
  </em>
  <span> coming from Jade was so unexpected and disarming that Tori immediately deflated. “I just don’t get it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade sighed, running a hand through her hair and closing her eyes. Tori watched the movement, her heart aching just a little bit. Finally, Jade looked at her again. “I did need some space,” she said at last. “To figure stuff out, I guess. I was overwhelmed. And I thought… I thought when you came back, I would be able to explain myself.” Jade frowned. “But then you didn’t come back and I figured you had started a new life in New York and that was just… that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori let her hands fall back to her sides, frustrated. “You could’ve just told me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Jade said after a second of thought, as if this hadn’t occurred to her before. “Yeah, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stared at each other. That seemed to be the end of it, and Tori didn’t know where to go from here. She didn’t know what to say or if she should leave or what. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, Jade broke the silence. “You really haven’t moved on from the summer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Tori breathlessly admitted, once again unable to stop herself from laying all her cards out for Jade to see.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade didn’t respond for a long moment, and when she finally did, it was so quiet that Tori almost missed it. “Me neither.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori stared at her, at her electric eyes and the fierce set of her jaw. She realized, in the back of her mind, that she had been standing in almost this exact spot when Jade had first kissed her. When Jade had leaned up on her knees, touched their lips together, so quick and soft Tori thought she’d imagined it for a moment, and had opened that door inside her that Tori had never even thought to look at before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she had looked now, had peeked her head inside and walked over the threshold, and she couldn’t turn back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going back on Sunday,” Tori said, the words not matching up with what she wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(What she really, really wanted.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade considered this, perhaps seeing something in Tori’s expression that Tori wasn’t really trying very hard to hide. “You’re here now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So…” Jade’s eyes flicked back and forth between Tori’s, down to her lips and back again. “Maybe you could just… stay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I could,” Tori agreed, thinking what’s one night, one weekend, one memory remade into reality.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She leaned down at the same time Jade reached for her, and then they were kissing, Tori pushing her back on the bed, Jade’s fingers warm on her skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t know what would happen. </span>
  <em>
    <span>After</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She knew that it could break her heart, that she could be doing it to herself. She knew she would leave, that she would go back to New York and she would not, no matter what, ask Jade to wait for her and Jade would not ask her to stay for good. That was not who they were, who they had been. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But this was just for the night, like it had been just for the summer, and she could be Jade’s again, if only just for now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Tori did not spare a thought for the </span>
  <em>
    <span>after</span>
  </em>
  <span>, for the inevitable heartbreak. She let all rational thought fly away from her, let Jade’s softness fill her up, let herself slide a few feet further down the treacherous slope created for her by Jade West.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In that moment, there was no after. There was only </span>
  <em>
    <span>now this</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori remembered, with striking clarity, the first moment Jade had touched her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been surprising, but also not. She had felt something building between them and it had taken Jade kissing her to really see it, but once she saw it, it was no longer unseeable. The surprising part was not really that it was happening, but how.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori had learned many things about Jade West over the years. Jade was strong and she was tough and she was intimidating, although Tori rarely was intimidated by her. But she was also insecure and emotional and soft, although she had rarely been soft on Tori.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, that softness had been reserved almost exclusively for Beck, and sometimes for Cat, and only in the most extraordinarily shocking of times, had she shown any amount of softness toward Tori.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she had seen it then, on Jade’s face as she had leaned over her, beautiful and warm, and touched her for the very first time. Tori had felt so much in that moment. Shock, for one, pleasure, for another. But also affection, and trust, and an extremely sudden fondness for Jade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because it was shocking, truly, that Jade West was kissing her, was touching her, was looking at Tori with some kind of awe in her eyes. These were not things that were possible when Tori had first met Jade, or even years later, at the beginning of that summer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now, with Jade touching her again, with that same awed expression on her face, Tori felt it all over, that affection and fondness that had led to the slippery slope she had willingly let herself traverse without hesitation or reservation. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Now this</span>
  </em>
  <span> was Jade West, soft and smiling and </span>
  <em>
    <span>sexy</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And, God, Tori was obsessed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was not, she knew, about the pleasure of Jade touching her. That was great, of course, and something that had shattered Tori’s previous expectations about all things dating, romance, and her sexuality. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, it was really about </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jade</span>
  </em>
  <span>. This private Jade, shown to few, given willingly to even fewer. How small was the list here, of the people Jade had let in like this? Not into her bed, but into her open vulnerability, her genuine smile, her freely given trust?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And how could Tori suddenly be included here?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How could Tori suddenly </span>
  <em>
    <span>be</span>
  </em>
  <span> the list?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was overwhelming, but Tori had embraced it. She had leaned into what Jade was giving her, had taken it into her heart, and she knew she would do whatever it took to keep it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because </span>
  <em>
    <span>now this</span>
  </em>
  <span> was Jade West, and she was everything Tori had never known she wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Now this</span>
  </em>
  <span> was Jade West, and Tori was obsessed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade’s bed was warm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori had forgotten that, how hot Jade ran, so hot it almost made staying under the covers impossible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade’s bed was warm, stifling almost, and Tori did not want to leave it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What were you watching?” She murmured into Jade’s neck. It had been a common thing for them, that August, to cuddle up with some show after they’d had sex. Tori fell back into the ritual almost without thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade shifted underneath her, humming. She had one arm wrapped around Tori’s back, but with the other, she reached for her laptop, still open on the other side of the bed. The screen had gone to sleep, but she touched the trackpad and it bloomed awake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>American Horror Story</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Jade said, voice quiet and soft. “I can start the episode over if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori peered at the screen. “That’s not the newest season.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade shrugged. “I’m behind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can just play it,” Tori said. “I’ve seen it already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade restarted the episode from the beginning anyway, rolling on her side so she could see the screen better. Tori wrapped her arm around her from behind, pulling Jade into her and tucking her nose against the back of Jade’s neck, reorienting herself with the softness of Jade’s skin, their bodies pressed together, the smell of Jade’s hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade said nothing when Tori pressed a kiss to her shoulder, just adjusted their tangled legs into a more comfortable position.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stayed like that for some time, and Tori, despite the unsettling episode on the screen, felt relaxed and sleepy and comfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade’s bed was warm, and she didn’t want to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She woke to a quiet knocking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jade?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori blinked her eyes open, releasing her sleepy grip on Jade automatically as they both shifted into consciousness. The sun was barely muted through Jade’s closed curtains, dark though they were, so Tori knew it must be morning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thought jolted her further awake. She was still at Jade’s, and she was naked, and it was morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jade?” The voice said again, still from outside the door, and Tori recognized it as the guy she had met the night before. Phil. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Jade snapped. She groaned, rolling into the space Tori had just put between them. Her toes pressed between Tori’s calves, her arm wrapping itself around Tori’s waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your mother and I are going to get some brunch and run errands, if you want to join us!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade moaned again. “Oh my fucking God,” she murmured under her breath, her mouth against Tori’s shoulder. “No,” she called louder. “I’m good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, well, if you change your mind, we’re leaving in ten minutes! Otherwise, there’s coffee in the pot.” There was a slight pause, then, “And if I don’t see her before we get back, tell Tori it was really nice to meet her!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A deep sense of bewildered embarrassment sparked in her chest. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh my God</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade didn’t seem to care. She grunted again, clearly still attempting to cling to sleep, and snuggled more into Tori, her grip tightening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori reached for her phone, trying not to jostle Jade too much. She squinted at the screen uncomfortably, realizing she never took her contacts out the night before. Ugh. The digital clock said </span>
  <em>
    <span>10:41</span>
  </em>
  <span> and she had a text from Trina from earlier this morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Trina: </b>
  <span>Where are you? If you need me to be the getaway car from a bad one night stand, you have until 9. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori huffed, texting back.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>I’m fine. And I have my car with me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trina answered almost immediately, despite Tori's delayed response.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Trina: </b>
  <span>Are you at Jade’s</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>... Yes</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Trina: </b>
  <span>Ugh. You’re useless. Hope you at least remembered to shave</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori rolled her eyes and set her phone down next to her on the bed. Trina. Ugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She yawned, closing her eyes again, wondering just how long she would be allowed to stay in this position, wrapped up in Jade’s arms like this. She figured probably about as long as Jade remained docile and sleepy. Might as well make the most of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only a couple minutes later, the telltale sound of the garage rumbling open and then closed indicated Jade’s mom and Phil had left. Jade made a content sound in the back of her throat, her lips brushing Tori’s shoulder, and sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori frowned and opened her eyes again when Jade pulled back and pushed herself out of bed. She stretched briefly, pulled on a pair of underwear, picked up Tori’s discarded hoodie from the floor, and slid it over her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then she was gone, and Tori heard her thumping down the stairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori figured her time here was probably coming to an end and leaned over the side of the bed to grab her clothes that were in reach. She’d just put her shirt back on when Jade returned, carrying two cups of coffee. Wordlessly, she handed one to Tori, then climbed back in bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori sat there, just watching Jade. She had cupped her hands around her mug and was looking at Tori curiously. She took a sip of coffee, and then she said, “What’s with this sweatshirt?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori scrunched her nose. “It’s Taylor Swift’s new album. It’s good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade hummed around the rim of her mug. “Thought you preferred Katy Perry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jack gave it to me,” Tori shrugged. “He worked on it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Jade looked away then, frowning. “You like it out there, then? In New York?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” Tori said. “There are some things I like a lot. Others not so much. It’s cold there. Like actually cold. And crowded. But the people are fun and there’s a lot to do, and…” Tori hesitated. “I’ve been… discovering myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade looked back at her, eyebrows raised. “Discovering yourself?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Like, I dunno. Finding out who I am and what I like.” Tori shrugged. “I haven’t really ever been on my own before, and there’s always been Trina on my back, and school and like, people telling me who to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade’s lips twitched. “Like Mason Thornesmith.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Tori agreed. “And also just like… boys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Boys?” Jade’s eyebrows furrowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, like,” she exhaled, gripping her mug tight. “I’ve been thinking a lot since the summer and, I think, I’m not, you know… like, interested in them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade blinked at her. Then her lips twitched in amusement. “Okay. Good for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I definitely like girls, in any case,” Tori said in a rush.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Jade deadpanned. “No kidding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori rolled her eyes, gently shoving Jade in the shoulder. Jade smiled through a laugh, full and bright and genuine. Tori stared, swept up in it, in this mellow morning Jade who had no reason to brace herself against the world just yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was kind of intoxicating, Tori thought, and felt herself slide another few inches down the slope.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade cooked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing like, actually difficult, just eggs and bacon and hashbrowns, but it was good enough that Tori had to wonder if there were other hidden talents Jade possessed that had not yet been revealed to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s literally just breakfast,” Jade rolled her eyes. “And if you make a big deal about it, I’m seriously gonna throw it in the garbage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What else can you make?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade raised an eyebrow. “Can’t tell you. It would ruin the mystery.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mystery? What is this, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Scooby Doo?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Tori giggled, and Jade tossed a piece of toast crust at her. “Ooh. You’re like a goth Daphne Blake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my God. You’re losing bacon privileges.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Tori snatched her plate away as Jade made a grab for her bacon. “What? Daphne’s hot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade snorted. “You’re really leaning into this liking girls thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori grinned. “Who was your first girl crush?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Neve Campbell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade stared at her, her mouth falling open. “You fucking serious?” When Tori just shrugged, Jade let out an exasperated groan. “God. I can’t believe I like you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori knew it was supposed to be an insult, but her brain had gotten stuck on the last three words, and she was definitely taking it as a compliment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, how’s school? Do you like it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The morning had bled into afternoon, and still, Tori had not left. She knew she would have to eventually, sooner rather than later, but Jade didn’t seem in any hurry to push her out, and she was holding onto that fact tighter than she probably should have been.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After lunch, they’d retreated back to Jade’s room, intending to nap. Instead, they’d watched another episode of </span>
  <em>
    <span>AHS</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and now Jade was cycling through SplashFace videos, Tori’s head on her lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was nice, Tori thought, and there was a pang to the sentiment that made her hesitant to leave, afraid she would have to face what it meant, and she just wasn’t ready.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“School’s fine,” Jade said. “Boring, kind of.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Boring?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm, kind of,” Jade nodded, absentmindedly running a finger through Tori’s hair. She’d forgotten how physically affectionate Jade could actually be. It was something she had vaguely noticed when Jade was dating Beck, but to be the recipient of it over the summer had been… unexpectedly nice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori hummed. “Boring how?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno, like.” She sighed. “I had to take a couple prerequisites last semester that basically just felt like stuff we did at Hollywood Arts. Like Intro to Scriptwriting and Basic Stage Design and stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade shrugged. “Yeah. I mean, hopefully this semester will be better. I’m taking Advanced Scriptwriting, and a Transmedia class that seems interesting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. What about friends? You have a roommate right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beth, yeah.” Jade snorted. “She’s okay. She’s a student athlete.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way Jade said </span>
  <em>
    <span>student athlete</span>
  </em>
  <span> made it sound like a deadly disease. Tori laughed. “What sport?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Volleyball.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh. Is she tall?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A literal fucking giant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori grinned. “Wow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d like her probably,” Jade said, though the thought seemed to pain her. “She has that same obnoxiously positive outlook on everything that you do. Except like…” Jade trailed off, searching for the word. “Um. Not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori snorted. “Specific.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Tori said. “Maybe I’ll meet her some time and see for myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Jade said quietly. “Maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt that pang again, and couldn’t quite ignore it. It could’ve been like this, Tori realized. If she hadn’t gone to New York. There was a whole path here that she could’ve followed instead, one that led to her and Jade being like this all time. Being a real thing, a couple, Jade-and-Tori. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lazy weekends spent in each other’s company. Jade cooking for her. Meeting Jade’s new friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori had gotten a taste of it, of what she could’ve had, but now she had to leave again, and God, was this it? Was this where it stopped? Where she got off the train and let it pass her by?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her silent thought-spiral must’ve been noticeable, because Jade’s hand cupped over her jaw. “Um, Earth to Tori. You good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori exhaled, suddenly feeling very tired. “Just thinking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yikes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori frowned. "</span>
  <em>
    <span>Jade."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mmm?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wish…” She started, unsure she wanted to follow that thought through to the end. She didn’t want to regret her time in New York. It had brought her so much. But at the same time, if she’d just come back, had just told Jade how she felt…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But no, wait. She had tried. She had wanted to, but Jade hadn’t given her the chance. Jade had dipped out before Tori had been able to tell her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat up suddenly and Jade looked at her, bewildered. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you need space?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade blinked. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Space. I was literally about to leave for an entire month and you needed </span>
  <em>
    <span>space</span>
  </em>
  <span>? It doesn’t make sense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” Jade furrowed her eyebrows. “I don’t know, I just did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not an answer. Really, why? What was the point?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade glanced away, apparently steeling her resolve. When she looked back, her expression had hardened. “I couldn’t do it, okay? Is that what you want to hear?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori frowned. “Do </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What I always do,” Jade said hotly. “Fuck everything up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>talking</span>
  </em>
  <span> about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade rolled her eyes. “You don’t get it. You can’t. You and Beck are just the same! You don’t even know what you’re like. These perfect golden people, with talent and beauty and everything else. Everything is </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> easy and people just love you without you even trying. And with Beck it was whatever. I tried for years, but I never could get it right. Here’s abrasive, insecure, jealous Jade West to ruin it all. And I did. I really did.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jade.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t. It’s true and I know it.” Jade huffed, pulling her knees to her chest. She waved her hand in the air. “I know it’s my fault. I’m not saying he was perfect, but I know how I am. And when I started to… to have feelings. For you…” Jade trailed off, gritting her teeth. Tori waited, her heart pounding. “I felt myself doing it again. And I didn’t want to. I thought I could just… fix it. Fix me. If I tried. If I had enough space to actually do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori paused, letting that wash over her. “You were… jealous?” Jade shrugged. “Of </span>
  <em>
    <span>who</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Who would you even be jealous of?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade’s expression twisted, like Tori was completely missing the point. “It’s not a specific </span>
  <em>
    <span>who</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that’s the thing. You were leaving. You were going to be famous. It could be anyone. Literally it could be </span>
  <em>
    <span>everyone</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Everywhere you go, someone in love with Tori Vega. Fans, people on the internet. It would be like Beck, but worse. And I wasn’t ready. I was gonna fuck it up just like I did with Beck and I didn’t want to, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not Beck,” Tori said, feeling a small slice of anger pierce her chest. “And you could’ve given me a chance or even a </span>
  <em>
    <span>choice</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Or at least a heads up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, well, I fucked up. What else is new?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It could’ve been like this,” Tori continued, still caught up on that. “I wanted to tell you before I left. That I wanted us to be a thing. And we could’ve been doing this the whole time? And instead, I thought I messed something up, that I did something that made you need space. I thought I was too much, like I was exactly that dumb, naive girl you always said I was. You really had feelings for me and instead of telling me, you just…” She trailed off, feeling the beginnings of tears in her eyes. But she didn’t want to cry. She could </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> cry in front of Jade right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade looked away, her arms pulling her knees tighter to her chest. “Well, you’re leaving again anyway, so it’s not like it fucking matters anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The reality of that, which she had been avoiding the past several hours, suddenly crashed over Tori. She pushed herself off the bed and started gathering her things. Her phone. Her keys. “Yeah. You’re right.” She grabbed her shoes, not even bothering to put them on. “This sucks, Jade. We really could have had everything. I liked you so much. You were the only person I wanted. You were literally the only person I could even freaking see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grabbed the last of her things and glanced back at the bed. Jade wasn’t looking at her, she was staring at the wall, but Tori could swear she might have been crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have a nice semester,” Tori said finally. “See you around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had driven down the street before she realized she was still barefoot, halfway home before she started crying, and had finally pulled all the way into her driveway before she realized that not only had she forgotten to grab her jean jacket, Jade had still been wearing her new hoodie, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck, Tori thought, letting the tears flow easy now. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Now this</span>
  </em>
  <span> was heartbreak, </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and she had brought it on herself.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this fic was birthed the literal minute i heard tis the damn season and i havent stopped listening to it since</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. the 1 (jade)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Jade was doing good. She was doing fine. She was doing great, really. So she’d been royally told off by Tori Vega and probably broke her own heart just a little bit and maybe she’d sunk into a slightly depressive funk, but like, she was doing good."</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hm... here's some angsty yearning jade for valentine's day. it's what she would want i guess.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jade was doing good. She was doing fine. She was doing great, really.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she’d been royally told off by Tori Vega and probably broke her own heart just a little bit and maybe she’d sunk into a slightly depressive funk, but like, she was doing good. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d fucked up and that was, you know, a thing, but life was moving forward. She was back at school and classes started tomorrow and she had better things to do than think about the unending line of mistakes she’d made in her life that had turned her into the pleasantly bitter person she was today.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So like, yeah. When she said she was doing good, she meant it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was doing good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bro. You look like shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, well. She was doing good, and just because her annoying asshole roommate didn’t see it, didn’t mean she wasn’t. Beth simply wasn’t privy to Jade’s internal process. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn, okay. What happened to you over the break?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And, cool, not that everyone was as emotionally mature as Jade, but if Jade had seen </span>
  <em>
    <span>Beth </span>
  </em>
  <span>laying in her bed under a mountain of blankets and watching </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Evil Dead</span>
  </em>
  <span> on her laptop, then she would’ve known to leave the girl alone. Like, this was just common sense. Whatever, though, some people had absolutely no self-awareness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing,” Jade muttered. “I’m good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re obviously not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the bottomline was this: when Jade had moved into her dorm armed with the knowledge that she would have to cohabitate with another girl for an entire school year, she’d worried that she’d be rooming with someone who would always be in her business and never leave her alone, but, good news, she could see now that she had clearly worried for nothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled the blankets over her head in an effort to make Beth </span>
  <em>
    <span>go away</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Beth was not so easily shut out. “Did you see your ex?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s not my ex.” And there it was, so plain and clear, and now Jade was crying. But whatever, she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Not her, crying over Tori Fucking Vega. Again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck this. She was totally good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want to talk about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade grunted. “No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth hovered for a minute, because she was one of </span>
  <em>
    <span>those </span>
  </em>
  <span>people. Then Jade heard the door open and close, and she was blissfully, peacefully alone again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So like, yeah. She was doing good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth was back and she had brought reinforcements.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sit up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leave me alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I brought coffee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade grunted. “You can’t just bribe people to speak to you with coffee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not bribing people. I’m bribing you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth tugged the covers off of her face. “Sit up and drink the damn coffee, West.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I literally hate you,” Jade muttered, but she sat up and drank the damn coffee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m heartbroken.” Beth stared at her for a long moment, waiting until Jade had like, wiped off most of her ruined mascara or whatever. “So... it was the girl, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade grunted, pulling her knees to her chest, fingers wrapped tightly around the to-go cup of coffee. “Do we have to do this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Beth raised her eyebrows teasingly. “It’s off-season now, J, and I have a lot more free time this semester. I was thinking I could use it to really develop our friendship.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm, joy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade sighed, then just went into the thing. And it really was like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>a whole thing</span>
  </em>
  <span>, wasn’t it? Her history with Tori, Beck, the breakup, the summer, Tori leaving, Jade’s complete and utter failure to make a good decision in her life. It was just a whole goddamn thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So then she left and now I’m just a total asshole and whatever. It’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth hummed. “Right. Got it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade frowned. “Okay, if you wanted to develop this friendship, you could say I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> a total asshole.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we the type of friends who lie to each other?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh fuck you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth laughed. “Look. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. I mean, it sounds like by trying not to mess up the relationship... you kinda messed up the relationship.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for that wisdom,” Jade snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But also,” Beth continued, like Jade hadn’t interrupted. “Kinda sounds like she wasn’t over it. So, who knows? Maybe it’s not over yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade slumped. “It’s over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just saying if my kinda-ex was Tori Vega, I wouldn’t just let it go if it seemed like there was any chance of getting her back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well,” Jade rolled her eyes. “If your kinda-ex was Jade West, you would be running for the hills.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love that attitude. You’re gonna go far in life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade dropped her empty coffee cup on the side table and flopped back down on her pillow. “I literally hate you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly? I’m fine with that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite the sentiment, Jade didn’t actually hate her roommate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth Lansing was, in fact, kind of perfectly suited to be her roommate, so that just went to show that those weird roommate surveys actually worked sometimes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth was clean, and she was a quiet studier, and she had a strong passion for soy lattes that rivaled only her passion for working out. Jade enjoyed lattes, but she didn’t care much for working out, it’s just that, apparently, when you were a student athlete at a top-tier D1 school, you spent a lot of time outside your dorm room doing things like working out, and Jade did, actually, enjoy being alone in her dorm room, so this was a passion she definitely supported.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So they were kind of great roommates and they were even okay friends. Beth had boring taste in films if her bookshelf of DVDs was any indication (there were like, two Matthew McConaughey movies on there, and in Jade’s opinion, that was two too many), but they liked the same music and Beth was easy to talk to in the same way Beck had been easy to talk to. She just thought everything Jade was into was “cool” and “chill” and “awesome”, and she had no problem telling Jade when she was out of line, which was sort of refreshing, especially after Hollywood Arts when the only people who had ever told her that were Beck and Tori. So maybe that was kind of nice, having a friend (one she didn’t want to make out with anyway), who would tell her when she was being a dick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then there was also the girls thing, which Jade hadn’t really worried about (fuck what anyone thought, and it’s not like she’d been with girls besides Tori anyway), but it was still a relief to show up on your first day of college, fresh off a weird semi-breakup with a girl you weren’t really even dating, and find out your roommate was a six-foot-two, volleyball-playing lesbian.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It at least made their shared meals in the dining hall entertaining, as they sat at their little table and Beth practically drooled into her salad at every girl who passed by. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so gay,” Jade commented, like she often did when this happened, Beth doing a double take when some girl repping Chi-Omega letters walked by. “Like, past regular sport-gay territory and into rugby-girl gay territory.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth huffed, stabbing at a tomato with her fork. “That is a harmful stereotype that, yes, I do play into. Fuck off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade grinned. “Maybe you’ll have more time to date now that it’s off-season.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you will,” Beth shot back, “now that you’ve officially been dumped.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade rolled her eyes. “Wow. Thanks for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth shrugged. “Accept it. I mean, I would. You could get girls. Or guys, whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm. Pass.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, why? You’re pretty hot, even if you’re a total downer. There’s a whole sea out there and plenty of fish and whatever, blah, blah. I say go for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade snorted. “Great, then go for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth nudged her under the table with her foot. “I meant you, dude. Why not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not great with people. Well, more like… people aren’t great with me. I think I just need to, like, not date people for a bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth considered this, then nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense. Anyway, the semester starts tomorrow and you can just throw yourself into the work, right? Get on that grind, or whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade grimaced. “Ew. Don’t use jock-words with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jocks and artists are the same, actually,” Beth said sagely. “You gotta use your conflicts to produce results. Like, no pain no gain, pain is art and all that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade thought about it. “That kind of makes sense and I hate it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hate the player, J. Not the game.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate them both and I hate you, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Beth nodded, head turning as another girl walked by their table. “That’s fair.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So it was good advice, she guessed. She’d throw herself into the work. Into class and her films and her projects.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Advanced Scriptwriting, in particular, seemed to be the place to do it, as she quickly learned the first day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now that we’ve gone over the boring University policies like Attendance and Conduct,” her prof was saying, “I have an announcement. This semester I’m doing my colleague a favor and have agreed to sit on the Application Committee for the school’s infamous Rising Star Grant in collaboration with the Academy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade had no idea what he was talking about, but a few students around her straightened up, so this must be a common-knowledge thing she was still too new to know about. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Obviously I hope all of you would apply anyway, because why else are you in this program if not for the opportunities presented to develop your work? However, I am, as some of you know, a lazy ass,” laughter from the class, “and I don’t want more work for myself than necessary. So! That being said, your final project will be an official application for the grant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you turn to the schedule included in your syllabus, you will see that over the course of the semester, we’ll be diving into units focused on each of the criteria you must meet for the application. Scriptwriting, yes! But we’ll also cover elevator pitches, which are a necessary part of the application and this industry in general, as well as budgeting, casting, location scouting, and so on and so forth. By the end of the semester, your cumulative work in this class will be enough to apply for the grant, although you are welcome to submit any project of your liking as your final project if you so choose! And of course, the winner will receive grant funding for the project, as well as access to advisors and time to meet with some of the great names in the game. Obviously this is open campus-wide, but I hope one of you is selected as the winner to boost my already over-stuffed ego.” He looked around. “Any questions?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A whole crowd of hands shot up, but Jade was busy flipping through the syllabus, looking at readings and due dates and application requirements. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It sounded like a lot of work. She smiled to herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perfect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a continuation of the short I did last year.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth hummed, rolling back and forth in her desk chair. “With the vampire cult.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. So at the end they moved into the sorority house, right? Well this is kind of a spin-off, where it’s a bit down the line and we have this freshman girl rushing the sorority and she realizes the sisters are vampires and it’s sort of a ritual thing. And basically it’s like, join the sorority and get turned, or reject it and, you know, get bitten and have your blood sucked and whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth frowned. “You’re twisted, West.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh please,” Jade rolled her eyes. “It’s barely anything!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it involves fake blood, it’s twisted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby.” Jade threw her pen across the room, but it completely missed Beth and hit the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth stared at her. “Was that supposed to hit me? Jesus. You have the hand-eye coordination of a baby giraffe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nobody asked you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You threw a pen and it missed me by five feet!” Beth shook her head. Then she looked at Jade thoughtfully. “You know what would be good? You should make the main chick date one of the vampires.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade snorted. “No. Make your own gay </span>
  <em>
    <span>Twilight</span>
  </em>
  <span>. This isn’t a romance. It’s horror.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, gay romance is lowkey totally a staple of horror. It would be hot. And it would be different! Like, fresh.” Beth frowned. “And fuck you, dude, Bella had more chemistry with any of those chicks than with Edward.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never talk to me about this again or I’ll put fake blood in places that will scar you for life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth gaped at her, shaking her head in disbelief. “Absolutely fucking twisted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Beck posted in the group - DIDDLYBOPS</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Beck: </b>
  <span>making moves tori! way to go</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Cat: </b>
  <span>Been listening on repeat all day! Yay!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Andre: </b>
  <span>That’s my girl</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>Aw thanks guys!!! Ahhh</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Robbie: </b>
  <span>Wait Tori why are you trending on The Slap?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>tori’s album just came out you wazz bag. she’s trending because she has talent unlike you</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Robbie: </b>
  <span>Oh yeah makes sense. Nice one Tori!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade was doing good. She was three quad Americanos in for the day and was on the verge of a breakdown probably, but yeah, she was doing good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just great.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I listened to it,” Beth said after she’d found Jade hunched over her desk, furiously typing into a new doc. “It’s not that good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes it is,” Jade snapped. “Don’t baby me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth slumped. “Fine, yeah, I’m obsessed. She’s great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade grunted. “I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, well,” Beth started. “Think of it this way. Like, at least what she went to New York for wasn’t a waste. So it was kind of worth it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade said nothing. If she said something she might lose it and that was so not fucking happening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth looked at her for a long moment. “I’m getting a pizza. You’ve had enough coffee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pepperoni,” Jade said in response. “And mushrooms.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ew, mushrooms? God you get more twisted every day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade huffed. “It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>comfort pizza and I want mushrooms!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright alright. Geez.” Beth shook her head in amusement. “You’re lucky I’m so nice, J. Otherwise you’d be alone and pizzaless tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade flipped her off on her way out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The problem was the </span>
  <em>
    <span>what if</span>
  </em>
  <span>s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were too many of them and Jade had always been an overthinker when it came to her mistakes. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What if</span>
  </em>
  <span> she had just told Tori how she felt? There were so many times she could’ve, but she never could get the words out. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What if</span>
  </em>
  <span> she had just explained to Tori what was going on with her, that she needed time to sort herself out but when Tori came back, they could try for real. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What if</span>
  </em>
  <span> she’d just bit it all back, pretended it wasn’t happening and -- well, she probably still would’ve blown it up in her own face on that one anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were just so many variables, so many different paths Jade could’ve gone down, and everything would be different. They occupied her mind all the time -- at night when she couldn’t sleep, in class when she should be paying attention, whenever Tori’s songs came on in the dining hall. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What if what if what if</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Casting,” her prof was saying. “As we all know, it can make or break a film. That’s why you really need to nail down the specific </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> of the character. Include a short description, mainly physical attributes, but you can add one or two buzzwords that will get your character across. I would discourage you from including your ideal casts in your character list, but, let’s be real, we all have our dream casting choice when it comes to our beloved characters. So for the sake of this exercise and your final project application, feel free to drop some names.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade stared down at her laptop, at the blinking cursor on the character sheet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had basically finished already, the exercise nearly complete. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But on this last thing, she was between a rock and a hard place. The rock being her artistic vision, and the hard place being her dignity and her -- </span>
  <em>
    <span>ugh </span>
  </em>
  <span>-- feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Casey Diaz: </b>
  <span>All-American Girl. Charming smile. Brown hair, brown eyes in direct contrast to white, blonde sorority sisters. Soft and fierce. Brave and daring.</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <b>Ideal Casting: </b>
</p><p>
  <span>And here was the rock and her hard place. Because when this idea had come to her, in the middle of the night while she was on the verge of sleep, there had been a clear image in her head of who Casey Diaz was, Jade's ideal Final Girl. And no matter how hard she tried, she could not let go of that image.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That cursor blinked and blinked all class long, swimming before her vision. She restlessly dragged her fingers across the keyboard. Her classmates started to pack up and, still, she hadn’t filled it in, but she could </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>just leave it blank.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t put someone who just </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> Casey Diaz, either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a fierce setting of her mouth, she typed the name and submitted it, sending it away, off into the electronic abyss where she could not get it back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whatever, she thought, slamming her laptop down on the words. It was just a project. Nobody would see it and think of her feelings or her dignity or anything else.</span>
</p><p><span>When they saw</span> <b><em>Ideal Casting: </em></b><em><span>Tori Vega</span></em><span>, they would be reminded of young fame and catchy pop tunes, and think nothing of Jade’s heart at all.</span></p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth was dragging her to a basketball game. A fucking basketball game.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to be social and do social things. We’re ranked. It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>fun</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade doubted it would be fun. There were about a million other words she would use to describe attending any kind of sporting event, and none of them were </span>
  <em>
    <span>fun</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whatever though, it was one night, and she had convinced Beth that they needed to stop and get coffee first, which wasn’t difficult really, because coffee was one of their only shared hobbies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Monica says she can do 125, but I think it’s bullshit. She’s all leg, her biceps are like, actual noodles.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade was only even vaguely listening because she had nothing better to listen to while they stood at the end of the coffee bar and waited for their lattes. She was mostly watching the barista work and trying to ignore that she unwillingly had learned all about bench pressing averages for women in their early twenties.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cronenberg,” said a voice next to her, and Jade looked over with a frown to see a college-aged guy standing there, staring at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She raised her eyebrows. “Are you talking to me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he grinned and pointed to her shirt. “Cronenberg. I love him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d forgotten she was wearing her shirt for </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Fly</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I actually prefer </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Brood</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Thought the body horror was legit. And it was just scarier.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade rolled her eyes. “In no universe is </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Brood</span>
  </em>
  <span> scarier. If you have some deep insecurities about not measuring up to the 80s masculinity standard of providing for your family and the relationship developed between woman and child, then sure. I guess. But </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Fly</span>
  </em>
  <span> obviously found more widespread success because it’s narratively more cohesive and it basically proved that horror is a genre that can play during awards season.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The guy snorted. “If it had success it’s only because it was able to pull in the female viewer with the totally cheapshot casting of Jeff Goldblum. Classic honey pot. Otherwise the target audience completely bombs out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade opened her mouth to deliver an absolutely scathing rebuttal to this fucking garbage argument, when the barista called out, “Mocha for Colton!” and the guy stepped forward to take the cup from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool shirt anyway,” he said. “I recommend you check out </span>
  <em>
    <span>Videodrome</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Another one of my favorites.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then the guy walked away, leaving Jade lowkey fuming in this fucking coffee shop. Okay, </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> is why she didn’t go to social events.  She couldn’t even make it to the fucking thing before being annoyed by some poser.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Easy there, Tiger,” Beth patted her on the shoulder. “That dude is not worth causing a scene in The Big Cup. They won’t let you back in. Tell her, Kate.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade looked up to see the barista grinning at her. “I dunno, Beth, we could maybe make an exception for this one. I like when girls throw down with shitty hipsters in here.” She nodded at Jade, holding up a cup with her name on it. “Jade, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, first, cool shirt. And second, don’t listen to dudes like that. They think girls are gonna watch movies like </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Fly</span>
  </em>
  <span> for a hot guy, when really they’re gonna watch it because--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s an 80s horror cult classic, yeah,” Jade said at the same time as the barista said, “Geena Davis is a total babe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade blinked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl smirked. “Oh, yeah that, too, I guess.” Jade, unable to help herself, laughed, and the girl shot her a wink. “Anyway, here’s your guys’ stuff. Take it easy, Beth. Nice meeting you, Jade.” She smiled at Jade once more, then drifted off to take someone’s order.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade grabbed her cup off the counter and followed Beth back out the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude,” Beth said when they stepped outside. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Dude</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade snorted. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kate!” Beth nudged her while they walked. “She was into you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh. Stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What! She was. You should ask her out. She likes weird stuff like you do. Once she was telling me about this band she saw on campus called Phalange Fever and it sounded like, actually insane.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade rolled her eyes. “You think because a girl likes some weird ass band that we’d get along?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’d get along with her more than you’d get along with other people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh.” Jade shook her head, taking a sip of her coffee. “No. Knowing me, it’d end like shit and then I’d never be able to go back there and it’s the closest coffee place to our dorm that’s not the campus Jet Brew.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth looked at her. “Okay, I think you need to just like, step away from this idea that you’re gonna mess up every relationship in your life. It’s not that deep, dude.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade just shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, wait, I’m actually serious, though. I think you should like, get out there again. Not even just dating, but like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>doing</span>
  </em>
  <span> things. I literally had to drag you out tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate sports.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth gave a long suffering sigh. “Not the point, dude. You say no to literally every party, social event, date, study group, or anything else offered up to you where you might have a good time. Meet people. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kiss someone!</span>
  </em>
  <span> God, don’t you miss sex? I miss sex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade scrunched her nose in displeasure. “Can we not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. We are. It’s intervention time.” Beth stopped walking and swung Jade’s shoulders around so they were facing each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Jade snarled. “Nuh uh. Hands off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth released her, but raised her hand up, pinky out. “Pact.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade shook her head vehemently. “Um. Hell no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Jade. We’re doing this. We’re gonna say yes to things. We’re gonna go out. We’re gonna have a good time. Comfort zones are on longer in our vocabulary. We are no longer denying ourselves a chance at fun. This is college, it’s the time of our lives! I don’t want us to waste it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then don’t waste it!” Jade growled. “I don’t know what that has to do with me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on! Look at you,” Beth insisted. “You could be crushing it on this campus and instead you’re wallowing after some girl you went to high school with.” Jade didn’t think that was fair, but whatever. “I’m betting Jade West pre- Tori Vega shutdown didn’t fucking wallow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade looked away, gritting her teeth. “Okay, what’s your point?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pact,” Beth shook her pinky determinedly. “We stop saying no to shit and start saying yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade hesitated, her mind immediately thinking back to a time she had to do something similar in high school. She thought, with a pang, that was actually one of the only times she’d hung out alone with Tori willingly before last summer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” she gave in with a sigh, thinking she was probably gonna regret this, “but I’m not dating the coffee chick. I’m not shitting where I eat. That’s just common sense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth grinned. “Fine.” She wiggled her finger again and Jade rolled her eyes but twisted her own pinky around it. “Great. Now for the first order of business, you are coming with me this Friday to a volleyball social.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade groaned. She was definitely going to regret this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span> So Jade was still doing good. Trying some new shit out. Being social. Going on dates.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t saying yes or whatever to </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Sikowitz-style, but she was, you know, making an effort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was fine. Like, sure, she wasn’t exactly vibing with the people she went out with and she basically almost murdered a dude for trying to make out with her in the fucking movie theater during the middle of the movie like they were fourteen, but like, yeah. It was fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She </span>
  </em>
  <span>was fine. She was good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just... </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t working out with anyone because she was chasing a feeling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They weren’t all bad, her dates. Some of them were good and on a couple of them, she even almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>liked</span>
  </em>
  <span> the people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s just... it wasn’t enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that’s what got her. Because she didn’t know how she got to this point. She didn’t understand, exactly, the long series of events and convoluted feelings that led from the moment she had dumped iced coffee on Tori’s head for flirting with her boyfriend, to </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and that inescapable feeling that Tori was probably the person she was supposed to end up with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori and her. Jade-and-Tori. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was chasing that feeling, that unnamable, unspeakable feeling that had gripped her over the summer. The one that led to her reaching for Tori’s hand just because she </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span>, the one that tied her stomach in knots when Tori just fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>looked </span>
  </em>
  <span>at her a certain way, the one that made her want to kiss Tori until she was dizzy.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You were literally the only person I could even freaking see</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It consumed her, that feeling. Tori had seen all of Jade’s flaws, her mistakes, her cracked and rough seams, and she had not wanted to change them at all. She had simply asked that Jade make space for her -- in her room, in her life, in her heart --  and Jade had done it. Maybe slowly and with an effort, but she had, and they had fit together like Jade had not fit with anyone else, not even Beck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Jade didn’t know what to do with that. Before, she had thought that if someone had an issue with who she was, then that was their problem, and usually, it really was. But Tori had leaned into who she was, not away from her, and Jade hadn’t been able to prepare for that. So she had overcorrected, had been afraid of her own sharp edges, her own pointed corners, and she had tried to smooth them over before they could do any damage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In doing so, she had fucked it up. She had nudged up against that unspeakable, unnamable feeling of being </span>
  <em>
    <span>home</span>
  </em>
  <span> -- of being </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span> -- that Tori had given her, and it had been too new and too weird and she hadn’t been ready. So she had shut it down, set it aside and buried it deep, thinking she’d be able to come back to it when she was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, she was ready now, and she was chasing that feeling with everything she </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but it was too late, and Tori was gone, and Jade was pretty sure that the feeling was not replicable, replaceable, or in any form recreatable if Tori wasn’t there to lean into the seams, to look at Jade and be unafraid of a little roughness, a little cracking in the glass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So maybe Jade was saying yes, going out on a few dates, kissing a few different people, but in doing so, she was chasing a feeling she’d never catch. Not with these people, anyway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not without Tori.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, people, listen up!” Her prof clapped his hands and Jade looked up from her peer editing exercise. “We’re just about out of time and I wish you all a fantastic Spring Break! Please remember your script rough draft is due at the end of the week. That will give you about one month to finalize and submit your application for your final grade in this class. If you have questions, I will be available by email, but please, for the love of God, do not email me over the break unless it absolutely can’t wait because though this may shock most of you, I, too, have a life. And on that note… enjoy your break!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade was spending her break immersed in her work. It was pretty much the only way she was going to get through an entire week back at her mom’s, where she had to decide whether to spend her time outside of her room and risk having to converse with Phil, or in her room, where she was constantly reminded of Tori storming out on her, shoeless and crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t a great time, definitely not her best break ever, and she found herself wishing for the company of her obnoxious roommate more often than not, because while Beth might be annoying and overbearing and a little bit intrusive about Jade’s business, at least she was a good distraction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just come back to the dorm,” Beth said when Jade video-called her about halfway through the break. “It’s chill here right now. And there’s a party on Saturday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade thought about it. “My mom will probably guilt trip me if I go back now and I don’t really have the emotional capacity to deal with that, but maybe Saturday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, alright. By the way, oh my God, did you </span>
  <em>
    <span>see</span>
  </em>
  <span> that chick I went out with over the weekend? Jade. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jade</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’m in love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade snorted. “You said that about that girl with the glasses and the fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>Captain America</span>
  </em>
  <span> sticker on her laptop at the library last week. And about every other girl you even look at.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, well. Ugh, just look at her, though. Here, I linked you to her Insta.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade rolled her eyes, but clicked the link. “Yeah, she’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay? Just </span>
  <em>
    <span>okay</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Come on, West, this is an actual goddess in human-form.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not into blondes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh. You are actually the worst.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade smirked. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, but, she’s totally funny, and actually super smart. You know I don’t normally…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Jade had stopped listening. She had clicked off the girl's profile and over to her feed, and because she was now living some kind of karmic retribution for her entire life probably, the first post was a picture of Tori.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade knew she should just keep scrolling, that a stupid fucking peace sign selfie of Tori shouldn’t be enough to make any kind of dent in her mood, but…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe she just wasn’t as tough as she used to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She clicked the profile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her stomach flipped and her heart completely dropped to somewhere around her knees and her entire body seemed to rearrange itself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t news to Jade that Tori posted pretty often and that most of her pictures were selfies, because Tori was just like that, but it was still… </span>
  <em>
    <span>a lot</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Picture after picture of Tori and her stupidly gorgeous face and her dumb sunshine smile and her annoyingly perfect hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade frowned, eyes still on Tori’s profile. “Nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Liar, I can </span>
  <em>
    <span>see</span>
  </em>
  <span> you glowering at something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade glanced up. “I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>glowering</span>
  </em>
  <span>, freak.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you are. What are you looking at? Shit, did they just announce they were making another musical movie adaptation of something you like? I really don’t get your beef with that stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade scoffed. “I don’t have time to once again explain to you the pros and cons of movie adaptation vs stage-filming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth stared at her, unimpressed. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>What</span>
  </em>
  <span> are you looking at?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing, just…” She sighed, then rolled her eyes, giving in. “Tori’s Instagram.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jade!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Even though she knew </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth shook her head in exasperation. “That’s like, break-up 101. You don’t look at their profile. People always fucking do this. They go look at the profile, thinking they’re gonna see something that will make them feel better, like their ex is doing something outrageous or part of one of those idiotic period schemes or dating someone ugly, or just, whatever. But that’s just never gonna happen. Whatever you think you’re gonna find over there, you’re just not. So knock it off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, first, I wasn’t looking to make myself feel better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh right, I should’ve known. You’re one of those people who looks to make themselves feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>worse. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Because you’re Jade West and you’re fucking twisted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade scowled. “I wasn’t looking to make myself feel worse. I was just looking because I was curious. So chill.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth stared at her for a second. “Look, it’s okay to miss her, dude. But don’t torture yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right. Sure, yeah. Okay, well. You know what? You clearly just need to have a good time and get drunk. Come back for the party Saturday and then you’ll really be good. How’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite herself, Jade’s lips twitched. “Yeah, fine. I’ll be there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” Beth squinted at her, then grinned. “Okay, well, I’m meeting this chick at The Big Cup in thirty so I kinda gotta run. You good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Jade rolled her eyes. “I’m good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I’ll text you about the date later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade snorted. “I don’t care, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ugh. “Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth grinned. “Later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They hung up and Jade picked up her phone again. It was still on Tori’s stupid Instagram, a selfie of Tori with two guys. The tags said </span>
  <b>jackanthony</b>
  <span> and </span>
  <b>juanrivera</b>
  <span>. Not that Jade cared, but now that she was looking, she noticed that most of Tori’s pictures were solo shots or of her with these two guys.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So maybe Tori wasn’t dating, Jade thought, if, like she’d confessed over Christmas, she wasn't really into guys anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Interesting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade sighed, thinking of the selfie Tori had made them take at Cheesecake Warehouse and feeling a little pang of something she didn’t really want to dissect right then. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something like </span>
  <em>
    <span>what ifs</span>
  </em>
  <span> and that unnamable, unspeakable feeling, and Tori’s stupidly gorgeous face smiling at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe she should just text Tori. To talk or whatever. It’s what she should’ve done, way back in September, or even in January after they’d left things so… open and confusing and weird.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, yeah, she’d just text her. It was one fucking text. What was the worst that could happen? Just one simple, chill text to tell Tori that maybe, just maybe, she kind of mis--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Jade.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade startled and immediately dropped her phone on the desk. “Jesus! Can you knock?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil smiled sheepishly at her. “Sorry, yeah, my bad. Promise I’ll do that next time. But just wanted to let you know that your mom got called in to the hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade gave him an expectant look. “Okay, and?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And…” Phil frowned. “Just letting you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Jade drawled. “But she’s always getting called in, this isn’t exactly new information.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade looked at him, this man her mother had been seeing for nearly six months. She didn’t get it. “She always does this, you know,” she said, because the guy at least deserved to know if he didn’t already. “Puts her work before everything else and cancels plans if she gets called in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gave her a small smile. “I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, well.” Jade huffed, uncertain why she suddenly needed to give this man a hard time, but still needing to do it anyway. “It already screwed up one marriage. I mean, not that my dad isn’t the biggest asshole on the planet, but she wasn’t exactly great, either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil hummed. “Your mother is dedicated. I get that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade scowled. “Dedicated to her work. Not that dedicated to other things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil leaned against the doorway, looking at Jade thoughtfully. “Is this something that bothers you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me?” Jade laughed. “No. I’m not dating her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just saying if it </span>
  <em>
    <span>were </span>
  </em>
  <span>me, I’d be pretty pissed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil nodded, still giving Jade that look. “Well,” he said. “I understand your mom’s pretty important and people need her time and attention more than I do. If that means she cancels sometimes, then I’m okay with that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil raised his eyebrows. “How what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like,” Jade frowned. “Doesn’t it make you mad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Phil chuckled lightly. “Why would it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade shrugged. “Because she’s your girlfriend? And she should want to be with you more than she wants to be with other people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil tilted his head to the side. “I don’t think it’s that she doesn’t want to be with me, but in the moment, other things take priority.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But,” Jade argued, “that’s fucked up. How do you know it’s not just that everything else isn’t a priority. If she keeps choosing other things and people over you, then clearly you’re not at the top of the list.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s not about me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade scoffed. “How is it not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s be real,” Phil gave Jade a self-deprecating grin. “Your mother is way out of my league. I’m just a schmuck, aren’t I? You’re telling me a neurosurgeon is gonna ignore someone’s life-saving brain surgery just because she had a movie date with this guy? It’s not about me. I’m not part of the equation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fucked up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it?” Phil shrugged. “Your mother doesn’t belong to me, even if we’re dating. Her time and her attention are her own. At the end of the day, she’s gonna call me and tell me how the surgery went. She’s choosing to do that. She’s choosing me. I don’t know why, but she is. I can’t control who needs her or what she does with her time. But if she wants to call me after and talk to me just because, then I know she’s still prioritizing me because she’s making an effort.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade made a face. "Okay, but if she's so out of your league then wouldn't that make it worse? If someone better comes along and gets her attention, then you're just toast."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jade. People don't think like that. And if they do then they're not worth your time." He raised his eyebrows. "I mean when you're dating someone, are you constantly looking for something better?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No," Jade said. "I have standards, thanks. When I'm dating someone, they have my attention."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil gave a wry grin. "Okay, well see. There you go."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not everyone is like that. You're naive if you think so."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Maybe," Phil shrugged. "But if there's not trust in the relationship, it's not gonna work. I trust your mom. And she trusts me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's not about </span>
  <em>
    <span>trust</span>
  </em>
  <span>," Jade said. "It's about not being blindsided if something is gonna happen."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil furrowed his eyebrows. "That's trust, Jade. You have to believe that they have your best interests at heart and even if they change their mind about you, they'll let you know."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But how do you </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Know what?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That they have your best interests at heart."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil shrugged. "You don't. That's the trust."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well that blows."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil looked at her for a moment. "Is this about Tori being in New York?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade scoffed. "That's so not your business, dude."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil smiled, undeterred. "Humor me?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade grunted. Deliberated for a moment. "Fine. No, it's more about me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How so?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade sighed. "It's not that I don't trust Tori. Tori is like… too nice and too genuine to even glance at anyone else and I know that."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil nodded. "Okay, so?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So…" Jade frowned. "It's like I can't help it. Even before Tori. It's like… if someone else is even </span>
  <em>
    <span>there</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I get anxious. And I know like, rationally, that Tori or even the guy I was with before Tori, or just whoever… I know rationally they're not interested. But it's like this switch inside me I can't turn off. I get mad because at least if I'm mad then I have their attention. And if I have their attention, then nobody else does."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I see," Phil nodded. "So did Tori end it because you were fighting a lot or…?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No," Jade frowned. "I ended it because it's shitty and she's like, one of those people who cares about things </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> much that she'd let it eat her alive and like, she doesn't deserve that. It's miserable."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil hummed. "Look, I know some people enjoy a little pain," he gave her an amused look, "but most people don't stay if they're actually that miserable. If she was with you, it's probably because she wanted to be."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah, because I stopped it before I made her miserable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, why are you so convinced she would’ve been?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade shrugged. “I’ve been here before, and I’m me, and I don’t know how to not be like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil ran a hand over his face. “Feelings like that pass, Jade. Anger, jealousy. They’re fleeting if you let them be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t know how to </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>that,” Jade shot back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk it out.” He gave her a sympathetic look. “It sucks. It feels bad. But you have to tell people what you’re feeling and give them the chance to respond. If you just react and expect them to know, then that’s where the problem happens. The problem isn’t the feeling, it’s your response. Tori can probably handle a little jealousy. She probably can’t handle you treating her poorly because of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade huffed. “It would just be easier if I could chill for like, five seconds.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it would.” Phil raised his eyebrows. “Look, if you get mad or jealous, then just try to let it pass over you. Focus on what’s happening. Facts. Things you know. See if it fades. And if not, then just tell them what you’re feeling. Give them the chance to help you feel better. It doesn’t have to end in a fight that makes everyone miserable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade sat there for a second, taking that in. It kind of sucked. Like… </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>sucked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But... maybe there was no magic solution, no simple fix to wish the jealousy away. Maybe her pointed corners and rough edges were just something she had to live with. Maybe she had to find someone who leaned into them, not away. Someone who wasn’t scared of a little cracking in the glass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she said at last. “I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil chuckled. “Glad I could help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” he rubbed his hands together. “What I really came up here to tell you, besides about your mother going to work, was that there is a showing of </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Witches of Eastwick</span>
  </em>
  <span> on HBO in,” he looked at his watch, “twenty minutes. If you want to watch, I was thinking of ordering a pizza.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade hesitated, but she did actually like that movie. “Alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool,” Phil beamed at her and Jade had to refrain from rolling her eyes. “I’ll order the pizza then. Pepperoni, onions, and mushrooms. How’s that sound? Okay? You like mushrooms, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh,” Jade frowned. “Yeah, that’s… that sounds good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great.” He tapped the doorframe with his hand before walking away, calling back down the hall, “Twenty minutes! Come downstairs! I’ll pop popcorn!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade did roll her eyes then. With a shake of her head, she picked up her phone again. It was still open on a text to Tori. She frowned, hesitated… then closed out of the text. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe she’d text Tori tomorrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Beth: </b>
  <span>Date was a bust and I’ll spare you the deets. Whatever. Don’t forget about the party Saturday. You’re coming!!!!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>yeah yeah. i’ll be there.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Beth:</b>
  <span> Great because I’m ready to get fucked uppppppppppppp.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>yeah sounds good</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, Jade was good. Like, great. Like the motherfucking picture of spectacular.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude,” Beth laughed. “You’re so fucked up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drunk. Jade was drunk. Absolutely sloshed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was good. She was good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was absolutely fucking --</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bad. This was bad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m never drinking with you again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Into the toilet, J! Not on my shoes, bro!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade groaned. Leaned over the toilet. Vomited the equivalent of six shots of Fireball into the toilet. “Fuck you, for real,” Jade moaned. “Truly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fair.” Beth patted her on the back. “I think you got it all out, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade responded by throwing up the rest of what was left in her stomach. Great times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Better. Okay, Jade was feeling… better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The room had stopped spinning at least. She didn’t know </span>
  <em>
    <span>how </span>
  </em>
  <span>she’d gotten to her room from the party exactly, but at least it wasn’t spinning anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She groaned, feeling clammy and warm, and flipped her pillow to the cold side. She frowned into it, closing her eyes, thinking of how good Tori’s cold toes always felt on her skin at night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How you doing, Champ?” Beth said from her side of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” Jade rasped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth paused. “Are you crying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade sniffled. “Fuck no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade breathed in. Breathed out. “Beth?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I miss Tori.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, dude.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade clenched her eyes closed tighter, like that might hold the tears in. “I hate this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” There was a pause. “So… What was she like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who? Tori?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Annoying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth snorted. “Okay. Cool. Sounds great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Jade just sat there and breathed for a minute. “You know like… when you’re losing a match and it’s not looking so hot but then you start to make a comeback and suddenly you’re like… feverish with the possibility that you could do it. You could actually win?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She heard Beth roll over and look at her. “Yeah I know the feeling. Are you really doing a sports metaphor right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Shut up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Beth laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s like that. Like… everything is so hopeless and then all of a sudden literally anything is possible. That’s what Tori is like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth hummed. “It’s a good feeling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Jade agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were quiet for a long time. Jade wiped her eyes, starting to feel more tired than drunk now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should tell her,” Beth said eventually, just when Jade thought she had fallen asleep on the other side of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell her what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That you miss her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade grunted. “No. It’s lame. And she’s probably with someone else by now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno, dude. The way you told it, she didn’t sound ready to be done with your ass yet. Not that I can understand why, but still.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow thanks,” Jade snapped, but she was too tired to put any heat behind it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just saying. I usually don’t think it’s a good idea, you know, texting your ex and whatever. But if you’re gonna mope about it anyway, you might as well shoot your shot again and see what happens. You never know. Sometimes that shit actually does work out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade hesitated. “You don’t think it’s a bad idea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a horrible idea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth laughed. “We can say yes to horrible ideas. What’s the worst that could happen, a little heartbreak?  Hate to break it to you, J, but you’re already feeling a little heartbreak.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess,” Jade sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Go to sleep. You’ll feel better tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Jade said, thinking maybe tomorrow, </span>
  <em>
    <span>tomorrow</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she might text Tori and see what happens. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tomorrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rolled over and picked up her phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade woke up immediately ready to straight up kill someone. And that someone was Beth Lansing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her head hurt. God, it fucking hurt. It was pounding like little hammers were beating on her skull. And her stomach was beyond empty. And in that moment, she thought, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I will kill Beth Lansing for making me drink this much. How much even was it? There was the Fireball and the beer and --</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The night came back to her in a rush, then, all at once. Every single piece of the night. She blanched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Immediately, Jade lunged for her phone, suddenly feeling like she couldn’t breathe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No. Noooo. Nope.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The lock screen lit up as she picked it up and she cringed. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>New Text Message - Tori Vega</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh God. Fuck. What did she do? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t look. She really, really couldn’t look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>to look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened the message.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>look you don’t have to answer and i don’t even know if there is an answer but i can’t stop thinking about how if i had just done one thing different than everything with us would be different. i know it’s hypothetical because i did what i did but… i would do it different if i could. i really would do it all different</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jesus, Jade cringed. Motherfucking Jesus. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>Hey. Guessing since you sent this at 4am my time, you were probably a little drunk and want me to pretend like you didn’t send it. But for the record… I miss you too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, Jade thought,  trying to catch her breath. Okay. This was… fine. And maybe she wouldn’t actually kill Beth Lansing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t text back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t know what to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The days passed. She wrote essays and studied for exams and worked on her final project for Advanced Script, and still, she didn’t know what she wanted to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was out of excuses, out of defenses. She had spent so much time convinced that she had dug and buried herself in her own grave that she hadn’t stopped to think what she’d do if she suddenly had to dig it back up again and crawl the fuck out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she didn’t answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took her exams and submitted her final project, idly wondering in the back of her mind if perhaps there was still time to do things differently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <b>From: </b>
  <span>risingstargrant@usc.edu</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Subject: </b>
  <span>Application Decision</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To Jade West -</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We are pleased to inform you that you have been selected as the recipient of USC’s 2015 Rising Star Grant, in collaboration with the Academy. To accept your grant, please email Dr. Frank Hopkins at frank.hopkins@usc.edu. See attached for information regarding terms and guidelines.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Congratulations and a job well done! We look forward to supporting you in any way we can.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Best wishes,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maureen Kim</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>Board Member - USC’s Rising Star Grant, in collaboration with the Academy</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade was doing good.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Really</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She was doing good. The semester was over, she was at a volleyball party with Beth, and they were celebrating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I please be in the film?” Beth begged. “Please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade, happy and the perfect kind of tipsy, laughed. “Can you act?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>yeah</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I acted all year like I enjoy being your roommate. So how’s that for an audition, bitch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s mutual.” But they were both laughing, and Jade was good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon, though, you have to let me be in it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Do I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes! You’re seriously gonna cast a bunch of hot girls to be sexy sorority vampires and not let me in on that action? That’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>twisted</span>
  </em>
  <span>, West.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade snorted. “You have a weird definition of </span>
  <em>
    <span>twisted</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you know that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beth grinned. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> are my definition.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” Jade said. “You can be in it. But if you suck at acting you’re an extra with no lines.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” Beth pumped her fist. “I knew there was a reason I kept you around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed, actually letting Beth squeeze her up in a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeah. Jade was good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori posted in the group - DIDDLYBOPS</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>Life update: I’m moving back to LA!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Cat: </b>
  <span>Aw, yay! Sam and I are coming back after the summer. REUNION!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Andre: </b>
  <span>I’ll probably be making my way back there some time this summer too. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Beck: </b>
  <span>miss you guys</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Robbie: </b>
  <span>Wait, you guys aren’t in LA anymore??????????</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>i’m the only one still here chizhead</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tori: </b>
  <span>Not for long!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>i’m shooting a film this summer. if any of you come back and want to be in it let me know</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Beck: </b>
  <span>is that code for “i miss you”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jade: </b>
  <span>i can’t confirm or deny that. no more questions</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Cat: </b>
  <span>kk!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade was doing good. She was doing fine. She was...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well. Whatever. You get the picture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was feeling some kind of way, definitely. But </span>
  <em>
    <span>how </span>
  </em>
  <span>that was exactly, she wasn’t sure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had just finished packing up her dorm when she’d seen the group chat notification and had sat down on her sheetless, empty bed, trying to take stock of the situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because Jade was a realist. Even more, she was a cynicist. Sometimes beyond the point of realism. But for once in her life, she felt…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Optimistic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It probably didn’t mean anything, really. If Tori actually was moving back to LA, then she had texted in the group chat to tell them because she missed everyone and was checking in. That was the Tori-thing to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Part of Jade wondered if it was pointed at her. Maybe in some small way. A little nudge. She really </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> the only person still in LA, and they hadn’t really texted all semester, just that horrible drunk text, but Jade hadn’t ever responded and their connection was practically nonexistent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So maybe Tori was trying to say to her in some small way, </span>
  <em>
    <span>hey, I’m coming back</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Heads up. If you want to do things differently, then now is your chance.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it was an olive branch. A peace offering. A little spark of hope.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade wanted to think that. For once, she really, really wanted to give in to the small desire for optimism that sometimes whispered to her underneath all that doubt and cynicism. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tori had given her so many chances, had extended so many olive branches. And she had always come back. Even when Jade didn’t deserve it, she had always come back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So maybe Jade could lean into this. She’d had nine months of space, space she hadn’t really even actually wanted, and she was ready.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was ready to stop chasing that feeling she couldn’t catch. Tori was coming back and Jade was ready. She was good. She was great.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For once, she was hopeful.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. willow (tori)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Tori had no idea what she’d get back from Jade if she reached out. There was nothing she could do to set herself up here. She could only fall back, as she had in December, on those fantasies of what she wanted to happen. As long as she didn’t reach out, there was still possibility and hope and the chance that Jade would still want this, want them, just as much as Tori did."</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i started writing jade's film as a book once. maybe one day i'll finish it. probably not though. thanks for reading.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nine months.</p>
<p>It had been nine months since she had left LA, nine months since she’d come to New York.</p>
<p>Nine months, and Tori had decided it was time to leave.</p>
<p>She had packed up her things, shipped them back to Los Angeles, and in a few days time, she’d be on a plane headed across the country.</p>
<p>Headed home.</p>
<p>Home. She didn’t even know what that meant for her anymore. Her friends were gone, her career off the ground. She was going to live in her own apartment in LA, away from her family and free with her independence. </p>
<p>And then there was Jade, and who knew where they stood. Tori didn’t even know what she wanted, or she at least tried not to think about what she wanted (what she really, really wanted), because she could not dare to have expectations after their painful parting and then Jade’s confusing and unacknowledged drunk text.</p>
<p>(Despite it all, she missed Jade, but had she said too much?)</p>
<p>So she was going home, yes, but she didn’t even know what she’d find when she got there.</p>
<p>For now, though, she was in a bar with her friends, celebrating one of her last nights in the city. There was Jack and Juan and a small group of others, and as Tori looked around at them all, she was struck with the sad sense of how fleeting life could be. </p>
<p>They were drinking and dancing and laughing, and Tori was having a great time. But like her life in New York, these people were temporary. She had enjoyed them in the moment, but when it came time to leave, she felt she would miss the idea of this time and place more than the actual thing.</p>
<p>“The city,” Jack mused to her. “It didn’t give you what you wanted.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” She asked, thinking of her album, her career, her music. All the things New York had given to her in such a short time. “Of course it did.”</p>
<p>“No, he’s right,” Juan said. “I see it all the time. Especially with young up-and-comers. They come to New York and the city opens itself to them. It becomes part of their identities. Not so with you.”</p>
<p>Tori shrugged, smiling. “I’m an LA girl, what can I say?”</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Juan agreed. “But you’re unfulfilled. You could’ve gone back, but you didn’t. You stayed. And now you go back because you still haven’t found what you needed to find.”</p>
<p>Tori laughed at that, feeling tipsy on tequila and a little intrigued at such a serendipitous concept. “And what exactly was I supposed to find?”</p>
<p>“Girl, how am I supposed to know?” He grinned at her. “I just know you didn’t find it.” Juan looped his arm over her shoulder, his eyes suddenly going wide as he turned to Jack. “Baby, you know what she needs?”</p>
<p>Jack raised an eyebrow. “What’s that?”</p>
<p>“The Sasha Suarez Special.”</p>
<p>“Oh my God,” Jack’s mouth fell open. “You’re so right.”</p>
<p>Tori frowned. “The what?”</p>
<p>They both beamed at her, mischievous and excited. Jack started typing into his phone as Juan gave her shoulder a squeeze. “This girl,” he gushed. “I swear to God, Tor. She’ll change your life.”</p>
<p>Tori hesitated, her mind on leaving, on going home to LA, on who might be (but almost certainly probably wasn't) there waiting for her. </p>
<p>(Tori missed Jade.)</p>
<p>“I’m leaving in two days," she said. "I don’t think that’s really enough time to be set up with a girl…"</p>
<p>“Honey.” Jack looked up from his phone. “This isn’t a setup. It's just one night. But I’m surprised we didn’t think of this before. Why didn’t we think of this before?”</p>
<p>Juan hummed. “We were blinded by Tori’s natural charisma and forgot she's still green. But you’re right, a baby gay like her is in need of some Sasha action.”</p>
<p>“Baby gay?” Tori pouted. “I’m not <em> that </em>new here! I don’t need some weird intervention.”</p>
<p>“Trust me,” Jack laughed. “<em> Everyone </em> needs this kind of intervention. Especially you.”</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>Tori was skeptical, but she let her friends drag her out of the bar and into a club in search of the infamous Sasha Suarez.</p>
<p>They found her at the bartop, talking up the bartender, but when she saw Jack and Juan, she nearly screamed with happiness. She immediately swept them both up in a hug and Tori, waiting for this reunion to pass so they could be introduced, tried not to look like she was obviously checking the girl out, but she was curious, and okay, the girl was like… <em> Sexy </em>. </p>
<p>Really sexy. Like, Tori would never question if she liked girls ever again as long as she could remember what this girl looked like, kind of sexy. </p>
<p>She had dark raven hair, long and straight down her back, and she was wearing a tiny black dress that left little to the imagination, and impressively strappy high heels on her feet. She had kind eyes and a sweet face but what really got Tori was her smile. It was tilted and bright and very confident, and there was something in it that gave off the sense that this girl loved just about every minute of her life, genuinely and fully.</p>
<p>Jack and Juan finished hugging her and then Jack turned to Tori with a wide grin. “Tori, this is Sasha. Sasha, this is Tori Vega.”</p>
<p>Sasha’s gaze traveled from Tori’s face down to her toes and back again, finally settling on her eyes. She smiled widely when Tori held out her hand. “Nice to meet you, Tori Vega,” she said in greeting, her soft fingers wrapping around Tori’s own. “You wanna dance?”</p>
<p>Tori could not think of any reason at all in the world to say no.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>Tori was learning quickly that she appalled the physical need to blink, because every millisecond she was not currently looking at Sasha Suarez was a wasted one. </p>
<p>She did not yet understand the intervention that was supposed to happen on her behalf, but she did understand the appeal of this girl. She had dragged Tori to the dancefloor, her body already moving with the music, and Tori was swept up in it, in the body pressed up against hers, letting Sasha take the lead. Her arms were around Sasha’s hips and Sasha’s hands were behind her neck, and Tori was carried away in the rush of a sudden freefall.</p>
<p>Sasha was <em> fun </em>, twirling Tori around, flirty and handsy. She was magnetic and seemed to have zero reservations, her laughter carefree in Tori’s ear. She had a mesmerizing energy, contagious and overwhelming, that made it hard to breathe. Tori’s heart beat quick in time to the music, her skin flushed and cheeks warm. She didn’t know how many songs had played, how much time had passed. She knew only the music and Sasha’s hands on her body, her fingers dancing over Tori’s skin, when suddenly it was last call.</p>
<p>Tori blinked in surprise when the lights flipped on.</p>
<p>Sasha grinned and Tori could feel it in her chest like a spotlight. She pressed her forehead to Sasha’s trying to catch her breath, and their noses brushed.</p>
<p>“Tori Vega,” Sasha smiled, her breath hot on Tori’s lips. “I’d like to buy you breakfast.”</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>Tori was staring. She couldn’t help it. Sasha had just run her hand through her hair, flipping it over her part, and it was probably one of the sexiest things Tori had witnessed a girl do. She thought Sasha was probably one of those girls whose hair could fall, unbrushed, any which way at all and still look sexy. </p>
<p>“So,” Sasha grinned, amused like she knew exactly the effect she was having on Tori. “Juan tells me you’re leaving the city.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, on Monday,” Tori said, tearing her eyes away from Sasha’s knowing smile and trying not to blush too much.</p>
<p>“I don’t know how anyone could leave New York,” Sasha mused. “I think everywhere else is probably dreadfully boring.”</p>
<p>Tori hummed, lips twitching. “LA is a lot different than New York, but it has its pros and cons just like any other place, I guess. And it’s home, so maybe I’m kind of partial to it.”</p>
<p>“Hm.” Sasha nodded at that. She picked up her coffee mug, cupping her hands around it, and the familiarness in the gesture made Tori’s heart flip.</p>
<p>Perhaps it was the softness of Sasha’s face, tired in this diner at almost 4 in the morning, or in the way she was holding the mug, her black nail polish striking against the white cup. Or maybe it was the way Tori couldn’t stop staring at her, at the sharp setting of her jaw, how she was thoughtfully looking at Tori, mellow and calm and beautiful.</p>
<p>(Tori missed Jade.)</p>
<p>Across from her, Sasha set her coffee cup down on the table and leaned forward in the booth. “So,” she said, looking at Tori knowingly. “What’s her name?”</p>
<p>Tori blinked like, fifty times before she could speak. “I -- who?”</p>
<p>Sasha laughed. “The girl you’re thinking about.”</p>
<p>“Um. I don’t…” Tori frowned, baffled. She stared at Sasha across the table. “How did you know? Is it that… um, that obvious?”</p>
<p>“A little, but…” Sasha shrugged, her smile widening. “I’m gonna be real with you for a moment, is that cool?”</p>
<p>“Um. Okay?”</p>
<p>Sasha scrunched her nose. “I’ve been with a lot of girls. Like… a <em> lot </em> of girls.”</p>
<p>Tori felt herself blushing, although she had no idea why. “Okay?”</p>
<p>“Girls are kind of predictable,” Sasha said. “Especially girls who like other girls, which is the type of girl we’re talking about here.”</p>
<p>Tori nodded, following. But also… not following. “Right, yeah.”</p>
<p>“There are three kinds of girls in this category, see. Girls who are thinking about another girl, girls who are trying <em> not </em> to think about another girl, and girls who will do anything in their power to think of <em> all </em> girls but not <em> one </em> girl. Does that make sense?”</p>
<p>Tori hesitated. “So which am I?”</p>
<p>Sasha smiled, her lips twisting. “I think you know the answer, but let’s come back to that. The point is, there’s a sort of energy around girls when they either, one, are trying <em> not </em> to think of another girl, or <em> two </em>, are just out there to play the field with whatever girl they fancy.”</p>
<p>“And I…” Tori frowned. “Don’t have this energy?”</p>
<p>“Not at all.”</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>Sasha laughed. “Don’t sound so down. It’s not necessarily a bad thing.”</p>
<p>Tori wasn’t so sure about that, but she was curious. “So what does… that energy look like?”</p>
<p>“Well,” Sasha tilted her head to the side. “Depends. Sometimes, sort of desperate. Maybe recklessly fun, which I do enjoy, if I’m being honest. Confident, sometimes, or at least trying to be.”</p>
<p>Tori frowned. “And… what am I like?”</p>
<p>Sasha’s lips twitched. “Sweet. But also a little sad.” She gestured toward her face. “It’s in the eyes. It’s kind of like...” Sasha thought about it. “You want something to happen between us but you also don’t because maybe it might make you think of her and you don’t know if you want that or not.”</p>
<p>Tori sagged, suddenly feeling way out of her element. “You can get all that from just looking at a girl? That’s kind of insane.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Sasha smirked. “It’s part of my charm.” She looked Tori up and down. “So, tell me, Tori Vega, do I remind you of her? You had a look on your face.”</p>
<p>Tori hummed. “Um… no actually.”</p>
<p>“No?”</p>
<p>Tori shook her head, gesturing toward Sasha's hands. “I mean, she holds her coffee cup the same, but other than that, not really.”</p>
<p>“What’s her name?”</p>
<p>“Jade.”</p>
<p>“Jade. I like that.” Sasha leaned forward, chin in her hand. “Show me what she looks like.” Tori pulled out her phone, navigated to Jade’s Instagram, and slid it across the table. Sasha positively beamed, her fingers scrolling down the screen. “‘Kay, wow. Obsessed with everything about her.”</p>
<p>Tori laughed. “Yeah, she’s…” She trailed off, feeling a pang in her chest. “She’s beautiful, obviously. And complicated. Like… complex, you know? And she’s very serious and really passionate, so when you’re like… the focus of her attention, it’s so…” Tori sighed, slumping. “I dunno. Indescribable.”</p>
<p>Sasha hummed. “So why didn’t it work out?”</p>
<p>“Well, I came to New York.” Tori shrugged. “And Jade, she, like… well, she gets jealous easily and it kind of messed up her last relationship. So she thought she wouldn’t be able to handle how it’d be with me, being in New York and starting to be more public and stuff. And she shut me out and she didn’t tell me why. And then I decided to stay here for longer and just…” Tori trailed off. “It’s kind of complicated.”</p>
<p>Sasha nodded. “Right. But you’re going back now?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Yeah I guess.”</p>
<p>“So…?”</p>
<p>Tori shrugged. “I don’t know.”</p>
<p>“You want her back, though?” Sasha frowned. “I mean, you miss her and everything?”</p>
<p>Tori paused. “Yeah, but… I don’t know. I don’t want her to shut me out again.”</p>
<p>“Gotcha.” Sasha took another sip of her coffee, eyeing Tori thoughtfully. “So say she hypothetically wanted to get back together with you. You would be worried because she’s sort of insecure and that might make her get jealous or blow you off?”</p>
<p>“Hypothetically, yes.”</p>
<p>“Say I could hypothetically tell you a secret to dating a girl like that. Would you hypothetically want to get back together with her?”</p>
<p>Tori stared, her eyebrows lifting up. “<em> Is </em> there some kind of secret?”</p>
<p>The corners of Sasha’s mouth twitched. “Maybe.”</p>
<p>Tori bit her lip. “You could teach me how to stop Jade from being jealous?”</p>
<p>“Mmm,” Sasha tilted her head. “No. Some people are just jealous-types and that's something they need to figure out for themselves. But… yeah. People just want to feel loved, and when they do, they’re less prone to stuff like that.”</p>
<p>Tori could hardly breathe for fear of hoping for too much. “So what’s the secret?”</p>
<p>Sasha was shooting her an amused look. “Have you heard of love languages?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Tori shrugged, thinking of how she took a quiz with Trina once and Trina told her that because her love language was gifts, then Tori should constantly bring her presents. “There’s five right?”</p>
<p>“You got it. Do you know Jade’s?”</p>
<p>“Hmm. Words of affirmation, probably, right? She wants to know I like her.”</p>
<p>Sasha leaned forward, grinning. “Wrong.”</p>
<p>Tori blinked. “Wrong?”</p>
<p>“Wrong,” Sasha nodded. “Okay, the secret to girls, and I mean almost all girls, Tori, but especially girls like Jade, is that their love language is <em> every </em> love language. These quizzes and things, they make you think that there’s one that’s more important to someone, but that’s not true. Sure, you might need to indulge in one more often than another, but all of them are equally important. You can’t neglect any of them or you start to neglect your girl.”</p>
<p>Tori thought about that. “So you think Jade was insecure and jealous because I was neglecting her?”</p>
<p>“Mm, maybe, maybe not. I don’t know enough about your relationship to say.” Sasha raised her eyebrows. “But like, did you tell her how you felt <em> when </em> you felt it? Did you notice how she reacted when you did nice things for her or brought her gifts or whatever else?”</p>
<p>“I…” Tori considered it. She hadn’t told Jade very often, maybe once or twice, that she liked her and thought she was pretty. But when she had, Jade had done that melty smile Tori adored. And that time when she held Jade’s hand across the table at Cheesecake Warehouse and she had blushed, soft and cute. When she brought Jade coffee and Jade had gone shopping with her. A playful nudge to get Jade to laugh, a million kisses to make her look at Tori with that awed look in her eyes. </p>
<p>Jade always seemed so uncrackable, so unreadable, her affection so guarded. But maybe she really wasn’t. Maybe she just needed a little extra love and attention to bring it out. </p>
<p>“Huh…” Tori said eventually. </p>
<p>Sasha grinned. “Exactly.” Then she looked at Tori seriously. “But doing it is only half of it, really. You have to want to do it and you have to mean it, even on her bad days. Especially on her bad days. Otherwise it’s all just thin air, you know?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Tori said, a little lost in thought. “That makes sense.”</p>
<p>“If you want her, you gotta show her,” Sasha shrugged like it was that easy. “Otherwise she might think you want something else.” She gave Tori a small smile. “And you don’t want something else, do you?”</p>
<p>Tori let out a breath, sinking into the booth. “No,” she admitted. It felt good to say it, to stop pretending like she didn’t want Jade just because Jade had hurt her. “After everything… I don’t know. There’s this whole history between us and it wasn’t great most of the time, you know? The majority of it is just so messy. But it seems, like, <em> actually </em>impossible that we made it out on the other side of all that and ended up where we were if that wasn’t supposed to mean something. Like,” Tori frowned. “What I felt wasn’t something I could’ve just made up because I never would’ve imagined us together in a million years. So I know it was real, even if she made me want to doubt it.”</p>
<p>Sasha hummed. “Well, I don’t know Jade, so I can’t really say for sure, but honestly, Tori, it sounds kind of intense and maybe she just got a little scared. That’s pretty understandable.”</p>
<p>It seemed so unlikely that Jade West got scared of anything, but was it really? Was it so impossible that Jade might’ve felt something for <em> Tori </em> of all people and that had been enough to freak her out? Jade, who willingly engaged in horror movies and confrontation for fun, had maybe felt a little soft on Tori Vega and had needed to hit the brakes, hold on a minute, stop and take a breath. </p>
<p>Maybe she had just needed a little space.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Tori murmured. “I guess it is.” </p>
<p>“You should go for it,” Sasha said, finally passing Tori’s phone back and gesturing toward the waitress for their bill. “You know, try to get her back.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Tori nodded, a little breathless at the prospect. “I think I will.” She glanced across the table, frowning slightly. “Thanks, and uh. Sorry. I had a good time with you tonight and you’re so gorgeous and awesome and all we did was talk about my ex.”</p>
<p>Sasha smiled, eyes kind. “I’ve been with a lot of girls, Tori Vega. You’re not the first I’ve talked into getting back with their ex.”</p>
<p>Tori felt her eyebrows lift. “Really?”</p>
<p>“Really.” Sasha scrunched her nose. </p>
<p>Tori laughed. “Why are you single? It doesn’t make sense.”</p>
<p>“Mmm,” Sasha smiled ruefully. “Three types of girls, remember? So, let’s see if you’ve picked up anything. Which do you think I am?”</p>
<p>Tori thought it seemed pretty obvious. “The kind of girl who wants all girls, not just one girl.”</p>
<p>Sasha’s grin widened. “Wrong again.” Tori stared at the girl across the table, completely thrown, and Sasha laughed. “Guess you’ve still got a lot to learn. But honestly, I hope you don’t. I hope it works out with Jade.” </p>
<p>“Me, too,” Tori said, watching as Sasha paid the bill and talked to the waitress, leaving Tori to sit there questioning everything she’d ever assumed about girls.</p>
<p>By the time they left the diner, it was nearing five in the morning and the sky was turning the pleasantly pretty blue that occurs just before dawn.</p>
<p>“Thank you again,” Tori said, turning to Sasha outside the diner. “Really. I just… I had such a good time tonight and you paid for the coffee and I’ll never even see you again. I don’t know how to give it back.”</p>
<p>Sasha smiled, her eyes roaming over Tori’s face. “You don’t need to. I had a good time, too. You’ve been a perfectly lovely distraction.”</p>
<p>“I just feel like…” Tori paused, something occurring to her. “Wait. You’re the second type,” she said slowly. “There’s a girl you want to forget. Someone who broke your heart.”</p>
<p>Sasha laughed, delighted. “You’re a quick learner, Tori Vega. But sometimes we want to forget the girls whose hearts we broke. Spend more time with me and maybe you’d find a little more that reminds you of your girl. It sounds like we’re not so different, Jade and I.”</p>
<p>“What?” Tori gaped. “Really? No way.”</p>
<p>Sasha gave her a wry smile. “You’re cute. I’d like to kiss you now, if you don’t mind.”</p>
<p>“I…” Tori blushed, her heart suddenly quickening its pace. “Yeah, okay.”</p>
<p>It was not the most life-altering kiss of her life (<em> Tori missed Jade </em>), but it was flirty and fun, soft and meaningful and magical. If Tori had to describe her time with Sasha Suarez, she thought words wouldn’t really do it justice.</p>
<p>This kiss though, she mused as Sasha finally pulled away, her smile still pressed to Tori’s lips, felt like it fit Sasha perfectly. </p>
<p>“Goodbye, Tori Vega,” she murmured, sweet and low. “And good night.”</p>
<p>Then she was walking away, leaving Tori dumbstruck and dazed, gazing after her as she disappeared into the gently waking city.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>
  <b>New Message: You, Juan, and +1</b>
</p>
<p><b>Juan: </b>So were we right or were we right</p>
<p><b>Tori: </b>Right about what lol</p>
<p><b>Jack: </b>Sasha Suarez. Did she change your life?</p>
<p><b>Tori: </b>Honestly? Yeah kinda</p>
<p><b>Jack: </b>🙌 Have a good flight and call me for your next album. We’ll be unstoppable yet</p>
<p><b>Juan: </b>Miss you already babe don’t forget us once you’re back in LA</p>
<p><b>Tori: </b>How could I? Thanks for everything</p>
<p><b>Juan: </b>😘</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>Tori had been home for a week.</p>
<p>She’d moved into her new place, unpacked all her things. She’d caught up with her family, sorted out her upcoming schedule.</p>
<p>Now she was settled, and she was restless, and mainly, she was nervous.</p>
<p>She’d been trying to work up the courage to text Jade all week. To say that she was back, to ask if she wanted to meet up.</p>
<p>But like how they’d left it in August, their parting at Christmas had been so abrupt and unfinished. Tori didn’t know where she stood with Jade at all. She felt if she knew how Jade was feeling -- pissed, annoyed, completely done with Tori -- then at least Tori would know what to expect and could prepare herself.</p>
<p>But she had stormed out of Jade’s room, and Jade had drunk texted her in April, and now the status of where they stood with each other was so unclear.</p>
<p>Tori had no idea what she’d get back from Jade if she reached out. There was nothing she could do to set herself up here. She could only fall back, as she had in December, on those fantasies of what she wanted to happen. As long as she didn’t reach out, there was still possibility and hope and the chance that Jade would still want this, want <em> them </em>, just as much as Tori did.</p>
<p>If she texted and Jade ignored her or told her to fuck off or worse, she’d moved on, then Tori would finally be forced to consider that maybe they’d never been meant-to-be, the two of them together, nothing more than high school rivals who’d shared a summer fling.</p>
<p>Tori just wasn’t ready to face that possibility yet.</p>
<p>But the fact of the matter, really, was that she could not have anything with Jade at all if they never spoke, that they could not be, as Tori so desperately wanted, Jade-and-Tori, something she could hold in her heart, prized as its own special category: <em> Jade and me. Us. </em></p>
<p>Tori wanted the solidified <em> us </em> . She wanted <em> them </em>. She wanted Jade, her mellow, morning laugh, her electric eyes and cutting sarcasm, her soft heart.</p>
<p>So she bit down her nerves, ignored the part of her that clung to desperate fantasy, and sent a message into the void.</p>
<p>She could only hope Jade would respond.</p>
<p><b>Tori: </b>Hi. I’m back in LA. I’ve been thinking about you. Do you maybe want to meet up? For coffee or something?</p>
<p>Unlike at Christmas, there was no immediate response. Tori held her breath, waited for the message to flip over to <em> read </em>, for the three little dots that meant Jade was typing back to pop up on the screen.</p>
<p>But there was nothing, and Tori was forced to accept that maybe Jade might not want anything to do with her.</p>
<p>Or maybe, whispered that hopeful part of her that refused to quit, maybe Jade was just busy.</p>
<p>Yeah. She’d give Jade a little time. That’s what she’d do. So she grabbed her PearPods and went down to the gym in her building, thinking a run on the treadmill was the perfect kind of painful distraction to pass the time.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p><b>Jade: </b>hey. just saw your message. my schedule is sort of crazy right now but im free around 3. coffee sounds great.</p>
<p>
  <b>Jade dropped a pin</b>
</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>The place was called The Big Cup and it was a few blocks away from the USC campus. </p>
<p>Jade was already there when Tori arrived, nestled in a back corner away from the door at a two-top. She had headphones in her ears, her laptop in front of her on the table, and she had not spared even the slightest glace upward when Tori got there.</p>
<p>She was in her own little world, typing away, stopping only to pick up her coffee cup, realize it was empty, and set it back down with a huff, her eyes never leaving the screen.</p>
<p>She looked the same. Same black tank top, same ripped black jeans, same dark eye makeup. Only her hair was different, blonde and purple highlights replacing the blue she’d had at Christmas. </p>
<p>Tori stood in line, trying not to stare, and desperately searched for the right words she might say when she finally sat across from Jade at the table.</p>
<p>“I can help who’s next,” called the barista, and Tori tore her eyes away from Jade and stepped up to place her order. She got out her wallet, then frowned. </p>
<p>“That girl,” she asked the barista who was looking at her expectantly, waiting for payment. “Do you know what she’s drinking?”</p>
<p>Tori had known Jade’s order once upon a time, but she had no idea if Jade still drank what she’d liked last summer. </p>
<p>The barista, whose nametag said Kate, looked where Tori was pointing. “Sure,” she said. “You want to add it to your order?”</p>
<p>“Please.”</p>
<p>The barista rang it up and Tori handed over her card. As the barista handed it back, she gave Tori a wry smile. “Careful with that one. I’ve seen her throw down with a handful of guys in this place for even glancing at her wrong.”</p>
<p>Tori’s eyes widened, but she laughed. “Huh. Ever been on the receiving end?”</p>
<p>“Me?” Kate shook her head. “I enjoy the show, but I can’t say she’s squared off with me.”</p>
<p>“Well, I can.” Tori glanced over at Jade again. “And I’d tell you she’s all bark and no bite, but that’s definitely not entirely true.”</p>
<p>“Ouch,” Kate said, but she was smiling like the thought pleased her. “Good luck, then.”</p>
<p>Tori gave her a parting smile, grabbed her drinks from the bar, and with a last breath for courage, made her way to the table.</p>
<p>When Jade had finally texted her back (a couple hours after her run), it had been like a shot of adrenaline to her chest. Her heart had beat fast and her limbs had tingled and her brain seemed to suddenly move at one hundred miles per hour as it searched for the magic words she could say to make everything between them okay again.</p>
<p>She hadn’t found them. As she got ready, on the drive over, when she walked through the door, they eluded her. Still, she didn’t know.</p>
<p>But Jade was right there and though Tori had no idea what she was going to say when she finally sat down, she wasn’t about to let the moment get away from her.</p>
<p>Jade finally looked up when Tori pulled out the chair across from her. She opened her mouth angrily, but then must have realized it was Tori because it snapped shut and she plucked the PearPods from her ears.</p>
<p>“Jesus, a little warning next time, huh, Vega? Thought I was going to have to scare off another dude trying to sit there.”</p>
<p>Tori’s lips twitched. “Sorry, I thought you were expecting me.”</p>
<p>“I was, but…” Jade’s eyes slid over to the second coffee cup Tori had set down. “Is that for me?”</p>
<p>“Mhmm.” Tori nudged it across the table. “Barista told me what you get. So I take it this is a regular spot for you.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Jade answered. She shut her laptop and moved it into her bag. “My dorm was kinda close to here and in September, my apartment is just around the corner.”</p>
<p>Tori nodded, feeling a pang again at the thought that she had missed so much, had no idea what kind of life Jade had here now. “Cool.”</p>
<p>Jade hummed, settling more comfortably in her chair, and reached for her new coffee. She cupped her hands around it in that old familiar way and Tori’s heart did a somersault. </p>
<p>“So,” Jade said, eyebrows raised. “You’re back.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Tori agreed. “I’m back.”</p>
<p>“For good?”</p>
<p>Tori shrugged. “For the foreseeable future.”</p>
<p>“Why now?”</p>
<p>“My lease was up in New York and…” Tori hesitated, but she was here, wasn’t she? “There were things I was missing here. LA is home.”</p>
<p>Jade nodded, eyes thoughtful. After a delayed second, she said, “I listened to the album.”</p>
<p>Well that was surprising. “You did?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. It’s good, Tori. Really good.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Tori grinned, feeling warm. “I’m proud of it.”</p>
<p>“My roommate,” Jade rolled her eyes. “She likes your stuff a lot.”</p>
<p>Tori chuckled. “Beth, right?”</p>
<p>“Ugh, yeah.”</p>
<p>“She sounds cool.”</p>
<p>“She’s okay.”</p>
<p>Tori laughed. “Well, look at you. You said you’re filming one of your movies this summer right?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Jade tilted her head to the side. “It’s been a little crazy. I’m trying to finish up the casting process now but it’s been hard, and there’s a lot of discrepancy on location and everything, so just,” Jade let out a small huff. “I’m not used to collaborating. It’s kind of obnoxious.”</p>
<p>“Jade doesn’t play nice with others,” Tori teased.</p>
<p>Jade rolled her eyes but she was biting back a smile. “They don’t understand my vision.”</p>
<p>“Well, it sounds great. I’d love to see it when it’s done.”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Jade agreed. </p>
<p>They stared at each other, and Tori, like always, felt an expectancy in the silence, a need to fill it up. She took a sip of her coffee, trying to fight it off. Finally, she sighed.</p>
<p>“So,” she started, wishing she had the words. “I’ve been thinking…”</p>
<p>“Yikes.”</p>
<p>Tori shot Jade a look. “<em> Jade </em>.”</p>
<p>Jade grinned, unaffected, but then her expression turned thoughtful again. She straightened up in her chair and leveled her gaze on Tori seriously. “Look, I can guess where this is going and maybe I should go first.”</p>
<p>Tori, who still had not figured out for herself where it was going, paused. “Okay,” she agreed, suddenly nervous again. What if she didn’t get to say what she wanted to say before Jade declared she had no interest in seeing her again.</p>
<p>“You were right, what you said over Christmas. What I did really sucked.” Jade took a deep breath, her eyes still meeting Tori’s. “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Tori blinked in surprise. “Oh.”</p>
<p>“I thought…” She glanced away then, a pink to her cheeks, and Tori realized she had no idea at all what Jade was going to say. “I was having feelings for you, and I thought if we started a relationship before I was ready then I was bound to do with you the same thing I did with Beck. But you’re not Beck and, well, you were right. I should’ve given you a choice.”</p>
<p>Tori made a sound in her throat. “Yeah, that would’ve been nice. But the truth is… Our past relationship didn’t exactly create a good space for us to communicate. And we both didn’t say what we were thinking that summer.”</p>
<p>Jade frowned. “No?”</p>
<p>“No.” Tori took a deep breath. “I should’ve told you how I felt, too. I wanted to, like, a million times. I wanted to tell you I was kind of crazy about you and I think you’re awesome and that Beck was dumb for letting you go. But then I did the same thing he did and I realize now how stupid that was. I thought just because I was feeling a certain way, ready to jump into something, that you felt it too and would want the same thing, you know? Because it felt so unbelievable that after everything we went through that we could feel so right together. But I know our history is… weird. And I guess that probably complicated everything and maybe you felt different and I didn't really stop to even ask.”</p>
<p>Jade was staring at her, cheeks pink, mouth open. “I…” She blinked. “Okay, wait. Just… wait.”</p>
<p>Tori waited, nervous.</p>
<p>Finally, Jade let out a breath. “There’s, like, a lot to unpack here.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Tori said quietly. “I’ve been thinking about some of this for a long time.”</p>
<p>Jade was still just looking at her, like she was trying to process everything Tori had said. Finally, she tilted her head thoughtfully. “I did want the same things. I mean, yeah, it was a lot and I didn’t handle it great. But it wasn’t so totally unbelievable.”</p>
<p>A little bubble of warmth bloomed in Tori’s chest. “Really?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Jade frowned. “We kind of just… fit together. I was crazy about you, too.” Jade seemed to brace herself, then, quietly, “I still am.”</p>
<p>Tori could barely breathe. “I miss you. I missed you all the time when I was in New York.”</p>
<p>Jade blushed and glanced away. “Yeah,” she said, voice still quiet. “Same.”</p>
<p>Hope and happiness were coursing through Tori now. She stared at Jade across the table from her, looking so pretty and soft and flushing pinker the longer Tori looked. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself.</p>
<p>“Look,” she said. “I have no idea if you’re with someone or if you’ve moved on or what. But I can’t stand the thought of just… letting us walk away from this. I know we’ve never done things normally. Not friendship or dating or anything else. But I don’t want normal. I want our weirdness and our messy history and… and… and <em> us </em> . I want <em> you </em>. I want everything about you, even the stuff you think isn't worth it. It is worth it. I want it all. I should’ve told you before.”</p>
<p>Jade was positively red now and she lifted her hands to her face to cover it. “Oh my god, Tori, stop. I can’t do this.”</p>
<p>Tori opened her mouth to argue, but then she realized Jade wasn’t upset. She was overwhelmed. Tori shut her mouth, softening. </p>
<p>Finally, Jade pulled one hand away from her face, the other still on her cheek. She looked at Tori, that familiar softness to her eyes, and Tori practically melted.</p>
<p>She extended her hand, palm up, out onto the table. Jade’s eyes slid down to stare at it.</p>
<p>“I just want you, Jade,” Tori said quietly. “It’s not so unbelievable, is it?”</p>
<p>Jade hesitated, her lips pursing. “What if I fuck it up again?” She murmured, but her gaze didn’t leave the table, those soft eyes still on Tori’s fingers.</p>
<p>Tori shrugged, suddenly remembering what had happened the last time she had offered her hand to Jade just like this. Jade had not disappointed her then and she didn’t think Jade would now. “I trust you.”</p>
<p>Jade’s shoulders sagged, and she finally pulled her other hand away from her flushed face. Tentatively, she slid her fingers between Tori’s, lacing them together on the table. </p>
<p>“So we’re doing this?” Jade asked, eyes flicking up from their hands at last. “Me and you? Us?”</p>
<p>“Us,” Tori agreed, unable to help her wide smile. </p>
<p>Jade smiled back, and it was so affectionate and happy, Tori couldn’t look away. Jade had never smiled at her quite like that.</p>
<p><em> Now this </em>, Tori thought, sliding so far down the slope created for her by Jade West that she could no longer even conceive of the top.</p>
<p>
  <em> Now us. </em>
</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>As Tori sat there, holding Jade’s hand and looking at her across the table, she couldn’t help but think how surreal it all was.</p>
<p>Despite what she’d told Jade, it actually was a little unbelievable. Not Tori’s feelings for Jade. Those, she thought, felt perfectly right and understandable. She had always been drawn to Jade, had always wanted to be part of her life, whether that was as friends or friend-group acquaintances or whatever else. </p>
<p>Tori had always felt a pull between them, not always friendly or even civil, but always <em> something </em> . And last summer, she had felt that Jade at least enjoyed spending time with her, maybe just to make out or have sex or watch movies, but still, she had chosen to do those things <em> with Tori </em>, and had made it clear time and again that if she didn’t want to, then she wouldn’t.</p>
<p>But to have Jade return her feelings, to smile at Tori the way she was right then felt very unbelievable. </p>
<p>Because Tori had learned many things about Jade West over the years. Jade could be aggressive, pretentious, and downright rude a lot of the time, and she often was to Tori. But she could also be kind of dorky, generous with her time, and affectionate, although she had rarely shown Tori that side of her.</p>
<p>So to have it here, in front of her, so open and obvious and clearly <em> wanted </em> by Jade… that was unbelievable. That they could go from what they had been during Tori’s first week at Hollywood Arts to <em> this </em>. </p>
<p>Tori didn’t know what to do now. She could not stop staring at the easy happiness, the soft affection, on Jade’s face. It was a part of Jade she had glimpsed last summer, when Jade would reach for her hand out of the blue, when she made Jade laugh, when Jade kissed her just because… But to see it on Jade’s face now, so present and unrestrained, Tori felt like if she looked away it might all disappear.</p>
<p>“So…” Jade said, her hand laced with Tori’s on the table. She was still blushing, but it had faded now to a soft pink that made Tori want to melt. Jade was so pretty it was hard to comprehend it. “Do you have plans for the summer?”</p>
<p>“Just hanging out with you.” Tori smiled, just because she could flirt with Jade now and not think anything of it. </p>
<p>Unsurprisingly, Jade rolled her eyes, but her smile grew. “Okay, well,” she said wryly. “I meant with your music and life and everything.”</p>
<p>“Mmm,” Tori shrugged. “Nothing concrete. Maybe prepare to do some live shows in the fall. I have a fitness routine I’m supposed to follow to keep in shape for potential choreo, but other than that and a few press things… Not much.”</p>
<p>Jade nodded thoughtfully and looked down at their hands again, her head tilting to the side. Then suddenly she glanced back up at Tori and her smile was different, tilted and excited. Her eyes were wide, her jaw set seriously. </p>
<p>“Will you be in my movie,” Jade asked in a rush, her fingers squeezing Tori’s. </p>
<p>Tori blinked. “Oh. Sure if you want me to. Like the one you’re doing this summer, right?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Jade exhaled, meeting Tori’s eyes with an unexpected intensity. “It’s the perfect role for you. And it pays.”</p>
<p>“It pays?” Tori frowned. “We’ve never paid each other to be in our projects before.”</p>
<p>“It’s sort of different now,” Jade said slowly. “It’s not… it’s not a student film, exactly. I mean it is, but it isn’t.”</p>
<p>Tori tilted her head. “What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“I mean, it’s sort of the real deal.”</p>
<p>“The real deal?”</p>
<p>Jade let go of Tori’s hand and Tori pouted, but Jade didn’t see because she had lifted her bag off the floor and was searching through it. She pulled out a sheaf of papers, eyes scanning over the first page quickly. Then she set her bag down and slid the packet across to Tori.</p>
<p>Tori looked down at it, taking in the familiar script formatting.</p>
<p>
  <b> <span class="courier"><b>BLOOD RUSH</b></span> </b>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="courier">
    <span class="u">Directed by</span>
  </span><br/>
<span class="courier">Jade West</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="u">
    <span class="courier">Written by</span>
  </span><br/>
<span class="courier">Jade West</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="u">
    <span class="courier">In Production with</span>
  </span><br/>
<span class="courier">USC Rising Star Grant</span><br/>
<span class="courier">The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences</span><br/>
<span class="courier">&amp;</span><br/>
<span class="courier">Worldwide Studios</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tori stared at it, speechless. She looked up at Jade, her mouth hanging open.</p>
<p>“So,” Jade said, lips pulling up in a satisfied grin. “Will you be in it?”</p>
<p>Tori finally managed to close her mouth. “I… Are you sure? I haven't acted since we graduated.”</p>
<p>“Don't worry, you'll be fine. The role was practically written for you." Jade waved her off with a teasing smirk. "And if you end up sucking then, whatever, I'll hate you forever and you'll be publicly shamed and we'll just be back to square one, won't we?"</p>
<p>Tori snorted. Same old Jade. "Well, when you make it sound so rewarding how could I say no?"</p>
<p>Jade’s smile was as wide as Tori had ever seen it. “Okay, well, you can keep that script then. Table-read is next week and we start filming after that.”</p>
<p>Tori blinked. “Next week?! You said you were still in the casting process!”</p>
<p>“Well, just for the one role because nobody was <em> fitting </em> , ugh. I was about to do the damn thing myself, but it’s such a huge undertaking to direct <em> and </em>play the lead.”</p>
<p>“The lead? Jade!” Tori frowned. “That’s… I mean.” She shook her head in disbelief. “And you don’t even want me to audition?”</p>
<p>“Nope.” Jade had pulled out her phone and was furiously typing away on it. “I wrote the script and I already know what your range is. I’m good.” She put her phone down on the table and looked at Tori again. “I emailed you the schedule and everything. Just let me know by tonight if it’s too much and you can’t do it.”</p>
<p>Tori glanced at her phone as the email notification popped up. “No, I mean. I really don’t have anything going on. I’m just…”</p>
<p>Jade’s lips twitched. “Come on, Vega. You too scared to act for the big screen?”</p>
<p>Tori made a face. “I’m not <em> scared </em> . This is just a huge deal for you and I haven’t seen you in months and I just…” She hesitated, but she had told herself she would be honest with Jade and speak her mind in the moment. “We <em> just </em> started this for real. I don’t want to mess up your work if something goes bad.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Jade twisted her lips, thinking. “I mean, we’ve always been able to figure things out professionally, even when we weren’t…” She trailed off and Tori waited. “Friends,” Jade said at last. </p>
<p>Despite <em> knowing </em> Jade liked her, the word still made her smile. “So you admit it. We <em> were </em>friends.”</p>
<p>“Ugh.” Jade rolled her eyes. “Does it really matter? That was completely the wrong part of that statement to get stuck on.”</p>
<p>“I just want you to say it after all this time!”</p>
<p>“Fine!” Jade rolled her eyes. “We were friends!”</p>
<p>Tori gave a self-satisfied smirk. “I knew it.”</p>
<p>“You are <em> so </em> annoying.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Tori grinned. “But you like me.”</p>
<p>Jade sighed, but her expression softened. “Yeah,” she said quietly. “I guess.”</p>
<p>“Cool,” Tori said, scrunching her nose happily. “I like you, too.”</p>
<p>Jade stared at her, still with that soft expression. Then she glanced away, her hand coming up to scratch at her nose, but not before Tori saw her smile grow wider. It made her heart flip.</p>
<p>Suddenly, Jade’s phone vibrated, buzzing loudly on the surface of the table. Tori jumped and Jade snatched it up. She glanced at it, frowned, then touched the screen, her eyes scanning over it.</p>
<p>“Shit,” she muttered, gaze flicking up to Tori’s face then back down. “I totally forgot about this meeting I have with my prof that was supposed to start like, five minutes ago.”</p>
<p>Tori raised her eyebrows. “Oh? Guess you gotta go then.”</p>
<p>“I…” Jade seemed conflicted, her hands hovering over her bag. “No. I mean. Well.”</p>
<p>“<em> Go </em>,” Tori said. “I’m not going anywhere. We have time. No rush.”</p>
<p>Jade nodded, letting out a deep exhale as she stood up and draped her bag over her shoulder. “I really did forget. I swear.”</p>
<p>Tori gave her a reassuring smile. “It’s fine, Jade. Promise.”</p>
<p>“Okay, well.” She grabbed her coffee off the table, then hesitated. “In the spirit of communicating better, I swear I’m not blowing you off and I’m gonna text you. Later tonight.”</p>
<p>Tori chuckled. “Okay. Noted.”</p>
<p>“Thanks for the coffee. And…” Jade bit her lip, eyes roving over Tori’s face. “I’m glad you came back.”</p>
<p>“Me too,” Tori said quietly. </p>
<p>Jade hesitated for another second, then leaned down and pressed her lips to Tori’s cheek. “Text you later. Bye.”</p>
<p>Tori blinked at the contact, her cheeks warming. But then Jade was hurrying away, leaving Tori looking like a dumbstruck fool at the table with her mouth hanging open. </p>
<p>//</p>
<p>When Jade had said “the real deal,” and Tori had read the front page of the script and saw who was working with Jade to produce it, it actually might not have properly sunk in exactly how real the deal was.</p>
<p>It did not really sink in at all as Jade texted her (like she’d promised), as she read the script (she really was the <em> lead </em>, holy chiz), and even at the table-read. </p>
<p>It perhaps did not finally sink in until she was walking onto a Worldwide Studios production lot staging area and seeing a production promo poster for <em> Blood Rush </em> , a folding chair with her name on it, and an honest-to-God trailer with “Casey Diaz” on the door that belonged to <em> her </em>, for a few short weeks, like some actual big-shot actor.</p>
<p>It was the actual real deal, and it was all Jade's doing.</p>
<p>Tori had always known Jade was a force of nature. It was impossible to exist around Jade without being buffeted along on the current of her strong personality and her firm artistic vision. Seeing Jade here, though, giving direction on set, looking at a camera playback, eyes focused and serious, Tori was honestly blown away. </p>
<p>Jade belonged here, Tori thought. Surrounded by cameras and people looking to her for guidance. She even had an assistant, a man several years older than her, whose sole purpose was to fetch her coffee and croissants. </p>
<p>(Dumb, Tori mused. She would’ve done it for free.)</p>
<p>For the most part, Tori was keeping up. She’d found it rough when she’d first read the script and she’d worried she wouldn’t be able to hold a flame to any of the other actors on the project. But Jade, who was too busy in the two weeks between when they’d met for coffee and when filming began to really hang out, had video-called her every night and ran lines with her. By the time she’d shown up for the table-read, she had fallen back into acting like she’d never stopped.</p>
<p>Now she was here, on Jade’s set, an eager and daring freshman girl rushing a sorority of vampires. She was supposed to be enraptured by the alluring and magnetic pull of her undead sorority sisters, and it was easy, really, to pretend. Because she <em> was </em>enraptured. Just… not by the vampires.</p>
<p>Jade was in her element, confident and certain and creative, and Tori was captivated by her. She was drawn to those electric eyes, the sharp set of her jaw, the self-assured way she offered direction. It would be impossible, Tori thought, to not give in to whatever Jade saw when she dreamt up this project, to not follow Jade through the uncomfortably murky swamp that was someone else’s artistic process in search of a collaborative end goal: Jade’s vision.</p>
<p>They were all swept up in it, but Tori especially. She had known, always, that Jade was bold and smart and capable, but here, she was something new entirely. A storm, not one of destruction or rage, as Tori had experienced before, but the kind after a drought, the kind that waters the dry dirt, breathing life into the soil.</p>
<p>And Tori wasn’t immune, wasn’t on the outside of it all.</p>
<p>No, she was caught up more than anyone, knowing exactly what Jade was capable of, knowing that Jade could see an ordinary moment and find just the right way to show the world it was golden and glowing and gorgeous.</p>
<p>So Tori let herself get lost in the storm, let it blow her a little further down the beautifully treacherous slope created for her by Jade West, not sure exactly when she would finally stop sliding, but honestly hoping it wasn’t anytime soon. </p>
<p>//</p>
<p>She lasted about three days before she couldn’t take it anymore. </p>
<p>“Where are we going?” </p>
<p>They had broken for dinner after filming for several hours straight, and after watching Jade in motion for most of the day, she'd had enough. She’d grabbed Jade by the hand and tugged her out of the sorority house interior set and they were now en route to the outside of the stage lot. </p>
<p>“Outside,” Tori said simply. </p>
<p>“What about my coffee?” Jade protested, but she was letting Tori drag her along anyway. </p>
<p>“You can have it after.”</p>
<p>Jade crinkled her nose. “After what?”</p>
<p>Tori pushed open the exterior door, pulling Jade outside. The night was warm and pleasant, a typical summer evening. The studio area itself was bustling with people from the other lots, but the space around theirs was empty. It was just the two of them under the moon and the smoggy LA sky.</p>
<p>“Tori,” Jade said impatiently. “After what?”</p>
<p>Tori gently swung Jade around by their held hands and nudged her against the wall of the building. Hardly able to take it anymore, she leaned in and pressed her lips to Jade’s, short and sweet. </p>
<p>When she pulled back, Jade was staring at her, eyes wide and cheeks flushed.</p>
<p>“After that,” Tori said, watching as Jade’s bewildered expression melted into mellow surprise. “You’re kind of unreal, you know, and…” Tori shrugged, still swept up in it all. “I’ve wanted to do that for like, two weeks, but especially since we started filming here. You’re just, like, actually incredible.”</p>
<p>Jade shot her a baffled look, but she was smiling underneath it all. “If you wanted to make out, you could’ve just said so.”</p>
<p>Tori made a face. “This <em> so </em>isn’t about that.” She paused. “Okay, well maybe, like, a little bit, but mostly I’m just in complete awe of you. You’re just like, totally kick ass, and amazing, and talented, and sexy, and --”</p>
<p>“Oh my God,” Jade huffed out a laugh, her fingers coming up to tug at Tori’s shirt. “Shut up and kiss me already, Vega.”</p>
<p>Tori didn’t have to be told twice.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>When they had first kissed, all those months ago, Tori had thought, with pleasant surprise, that Jade did not kiss in a very Jade West type of way. </p>
<p>The Jade that Tori knew was rough and intimidating and demanding. But Jade didn’t kiss in a way that reflected these aspects of her personality.</p>
<p>When Jade had kissed her, she had been soft and sensitive, and there had not been any kind of demand in the action at all, just affection and wanting and -- this was where it always got Tori, made her stomach swoop and her face flame up -- <em> comfort </em>.</p>
<p>It had not been conceivable to her, during that first kiss, that Jade could find comfort in that moment, in kissing <em> Tori </em>. It had gone against everything Tori knew about Jade.</p>
<p>But, Tori thought now, breathless as Jade kissed her back, let Tori lean her against the wall of the production lot, she had just not known Jade as well as she did now.</p>
<p>It had become clearer to her as the summer progressed, the more time she spent kissing Jade, being intimate, that Jade did feel those things, and even more, she <em> wanted </em> to feel them.</p>
<p>For all her outward protesting of people touching her, smiling at her, trying to be in her space, Jade had seemed to initiate these things with Tori that summer. So Tori had come to realize that hidden underneath all that dark eyeliner and sarcasm and deflection, not only was Jade capable of affection and gentleness and softness, she liked feeling those things. </p>
<p>Jade West, who could scare off a man with one look, would buckle at one flirty smile from Tori Vega. Jade, who did not need the approval of anyone, would blush herself pink at a compliment if it came from Tori. And Jade, who would likely cut off someone’s hand with a pair of scissors for touching her, would go soft and melty when Tori kissed her.</p>
<p>There was a kind of rush in this knowledge, in the idea that Jade liked her, trusted her, was <em> comforted </em> by this type of affection. </p>
<p>Kissing Jade was kind of like unlocking all the secret hidden parts of her nobody else got to see. </p>
<p>This was the magic of Jade West, Tori thought. Unlike Tori, who had never known how to not reveal all her cards to the world so easily, Jade had always had a good poker face, keeping everything so close to her chest that Tori could not be sure if she was bluffing or not. But then Jade had kissed her, soft and sweet, and Tori had seen what she hadn’t before: Jade could show love with the best of them. She was all-in, cards on the table, and what had once been hidden could no longer be.</p>
<p>She had thought, once, that Jade had not wanted to fall with her, that they had not been on the same page, not wanted the same things. That had been a mistake, because now Tori had seen the cards, Jade’s feelings, and she could not unsee them. What was once unclear was now so, so obvious. </p>
<p>Jade liked her. Jade liked her <em> so </em> much. There was genuine happiness here, in this simple act of kissing, Jade’s smile against her lips, her hands cupping Tori’s cheeks. </p>
<p><em> Now this </em> was Jade West, Tori knew. All of her, all of the hidden, complex wants and wishes Tori hadn’t known how to navigate before. They were not, as she had thought in the past, so complex. They were simple, really. Jade wanted comfort and trust and love. She had given Tori this part of her last summer and Tori had leaned into it, had taken it in her heart, but she had not known, at the time, exactly what to do with it besides try to keep it.</p>
<p>But Tori knew now. Jade was kissing her, so sweetly Tori ached with it, and she knew. She was not supposed to keep it in her heart -- she was supposed to give it back. </p>
<p>So kissing Jade again at last, her arms around Jade’s waist, her heart going a million miles per minute, Tori did.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>“You’re so fucking twisted.”</p>
<p>“This is a totally baseline amount of fake blood, you big baby. See! Look at Tori. She’s covered in way more than you!”</p>
<p>Tori raised her eyebrows as she walked up to where Jade and Beth (who Tori had finally met at the table-read) were sitting in the shade. They were on location today at the sorority house filming some of the last scenes. Tori had just been told to take lunch because they were about to shoot some vampire scenes that Casey wasn’t in.</p>
<p>“I <em> am </em>covered in a lot of fake blood,” she agreed. It was kind of itchy and sticky and she couldn’t wait to wash it out of her hair.</p>
<p>“Yeah, and it’s <em> twisted </em>,” Beth huffed, gesturing at Jade emphatically. “This girl would drink fake blood if she could.”</p>
<p>Tori scrunched her nose. “Ew.”</p>
<p>Jade lifted an eyebrow. “People ingest corn syrup every day.”</p>
<p>“So fucking twisted.” Beth crossed her arms. “I’m just saying <em> you </em> don’t have to wear it.”</p>
<p>“Well, I wouldn’t be complaining if I did!”</p>
<p>Tori grinned. “Jade.”</p>
<p>“What?” Jade muttered. Maybe she sensed something in Tori’s tone because she was giving her a skeptical look. </p>
<p>Tori held out her arms. “Hug?”</p>
<p>Jade looked down at her clothes, then back at Tori. “Do. Not.”</p>
<p>Tori laughed, taking a step closer. “Come on, it’s just a little fake blood.”</p>
<p>“Tori!” Jade shrieked as Tori reached for her shoulder. She slipped out of the chair and skipped a few steps away, out of reach. “Oh, would you look at that! Got a call time. Bye!”</p>
<p>Jade hurried away and Tori plopped herself down in her vacated chair with a laugh.</p>
<p>Next to her, Beth shook her head. “You <em> know </em> she’s twisted, right?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Tori sighed happily. “I know.”</p>
<p>“Ugh,” Beth frowned. “Well, if I’d known there’d be this much fake blood on me right now, I wouldn’t have begged her to let me be in this stupid film.”</p>
<p>Tori glanced over. “Did you?”</p>
<p>“Yeah and the bitch <em> still </em> made me audition.”</p>
<p>Tori frowned. “Really? She told me I didn’t have to.”</p>
<p>Beth snorted, raising her eyebrows at Tori. “I mean, yeah. She like, wrote the part for you.”</p>
<p>“Well, I know she said it was in my range, but still, I hadn’t even acted since we graduated.”</p>
<p>“No,” Beth let out a disbelieving laugh. “She <em> literally </em>wrote the part for you.” Tori blinked and opened her mouth to respond, but Beth continued. “I mean, people do weird shit to cope with breakups and I don’t think she actually thought anything would ever come of it, so it didn’t really matter at the time. But,” Beth shrugged. “She got the grant and you came back from New York and it was kind of too perfect to not give you the role, I guess.”</p>
<p>Tori stared, unsure what to say.</p>
<p>Beth shrugged, clearly not needing a response. “Anyway, you’re really great as Casey, so I wouldn’t worry about it. You’re good.”</p>
<p>“Thanks?” Tori finally got out.  </p>
<p>“Sure,” Beth said easily. “This whole thing is kind of crazy, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Tori agreed. “But it’s all very… Jade.”</p>
<p>Beth shot her a grin. “Twisted?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Tori laughed. “But also like… unbelievable, I guess. Jade has always had this way of making unbelievable things happen.”</p>
<p>Beth thought about that. “You know that guy, Dr. Hopkins?”</p>
<p>Tori nodded. She hadn’t talked to him, but she’d seen him around. “Yeah.”</p>
<p>“That’s Jade’s prof. The guy on the grant committee or whatever. And one day I was talking to him and he told me this was the first horror movie they’d ever accepted for the grant.”</p>
<p>Tori raised her eyebrows. “Really?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. He said horror isn’t exactly everyone’s favorite genre. It’s kind of the black sheep of awards season. But,” Beth hummed thoughtfully. “He said Jade’s entire application was one of the most complete and industry-accurate applications they’ve ever seen. Like with the budget and the pitch and everything. He said her idea was ‘bright’, whatever that means. So yeah. I guess she does have a way of making unbelievable things happen, huh? And now we’re all covered in fake blood!”</p>
<p>Tori laughed. “At least it’s not real blood, because I wouldn’t put that past her either.”</p>
<p>“Oh, you don’t have to tell me, dude.” Beth shook her head. “Once I saw this guy at a party try to hold her hand and I thought she was going to break his fingers.”</p>
<p>“Sounds like Jade,” Tori smiled. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Beth agreed. She gave Tori a soft look. “She would totally murder me for saying this to you, but I’m glad you’re back. I wasn’t aware she was even capable of smiling this much.”</p>
<p>That made Tori a little sad. “It wasn’t that bad while I was gone, was it?”</p>
<p>“Nah,” Beth shrugged. “She definitely had an eye-opening after the holidays and she was working through it, I guess. She was okay. Well actually, she was kind of a bum, but I tried to get her back out there because that’s what bros do, you know? She wasn’t having it, though.”</p>
<p>Tori’s lips twitched, remembering a time in high school she had also tried to get Jade back out there. “Yeah, I’m sure she loved being set up.”</p>
<p>“Eh. She went out a few times, actually. She just…” Beth shrugged. “Missed you, I guess.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Tori glanced away, fighting off a blush. “Well, I’m glad she had friends.”</p>
<p>Beth grinned. “Nah. She says we’re not friends and she literally hates me.”</p>
<p>Tori snorted. “That’s just something she says.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Beth laughed. “Huh. You know what, Tori, I’m glad we met. It’s gonna be nice to have someone else around here who sees Jade West for the nerd that she is.”</p>
<p>“Ditto,” Tori laughed. “Look, she’s coming back.”</p>
<p>They both turned their heads as Jade approached carrying two coffees. She was looking between them, frowning.</p>
<p>“What’s so funny?”</p>
<p>“Nothing,” Tori said at the same time as Beth said, “You.”</p>
<p>Jade rolled her eyes and must have decided to ignore them, because she held out one of the coffees to Tori. Tori took it happily.</p>
<p>Beth held out her hand expectantly. “Hand over mine.”</p>
<p>Jade raised an eyebrow. “This is for me. Get your own.”</p>
<p>“You brought Tori one!”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Jade shrugged. “So?”</p>
<p>Beth hopped off her chair and glared at Jade. “‘Kay fine. I’ll just get my own then.”</p>
<p>“Okay, and? Tell makeup and effects you need more blood on you while you're at it.”</p>
<p>Beth huffed. “You are so fucking twisted, West.”</p>
<p>Jade just grinned.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>Being on set all day was tiring, Tori was coming to realize. Twelve hour days that consisted mostly of standing around and waiting for the action to start. Given that she was in most of the scenes, she rarely got a break, and when she did, she liked to stick around and watch.</p>
<p>Now, though, Tori was exhausted. She’d been going for three days straight and as soon as she’d gotten the go-ahead to break for a few hours, she had escaped to her trailer for some air-conditioned rest. It wasn’t anything fancy, but there was a couch that was big enough to double as a bed, and she immediately flopped down on it to nap.</p>
<p>That had been some time ago, and she’d been dozing for a bit when she heard the door creak open.</p>
<p>“Tori?” </p>
<p>Tori made a sound of acknowledgment, not bothering to roll over and look at Jade. The door quietly shut and Tori thought Jade had left her alone, but then there was a shuffling sound and Jade settled on the couch behind her, arm circling over Tori’s waist. Tori hummed, feeling Jade’s head on the pillow next to her, her nose in Tori’s hair. She sighed and tangled their fingers together.</p>
<p>She didn’t know how long they laid there, wrapped up together, just breathing with their eyes closed. It couldn’t have been long, though, before there was a knock on the door.</p>
<p>“Tori!” Beth called through the closed door. “Have you seen Jade?”</p>
<p>Jade huffed from behind her, her grip on Tori tightening.</p>
<p>Tori smiled and squeezed her hand. “No, sorry. Haven’t seen her!” She called back.</p>
<p>“Ugh. Okay, well if you do, tell her Beth’s looking for her!” </p>
<p>“Okay!”</p>
<p>As soon as Beth was gone, Jade snuggled closer. “Liar.”</p>
<p>“Nuh uh,” Tori argued. “I haven’t even opened my eyes since you came in here. So technically, I haven’t seen you at all.”</p>
<p>“Wow,” Jade chuckled. “Cheating the system. Hot.”</p>
<p>Tori grinned and rolled over, finally opening her eyes to look at Jade. “Oh,” she said. “Beth is looking for you. Told her if I saw you I’d let her know.”</p>
<p>Jade rolled her eyes. “How nice of you to keep your word.”</p>
<p>“Mhmm.” Tori scrunched her nose, bringing her fingers up to Jade’s cheek. “Are you hiding in here? Finally getting sick of all those people?”</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Jade said, leaning into Tori’s hand. “Or maybe I’ve just spent like, five minutes alone with you since you’ve been back from New York and I saw an opportunity and decided to take it.”</p>
<p>“For snuggles,” Tori clarified, raising her eyebrows teasingly.</p>
<p>Jade’s lips tugged up in a small smile. “Yes,” she huffed. “For snuggles. Got a problem?”</p>
<p>“No,” Tori laughed. “Just checking.” She leaned in, pressing her nose, the tip of which had gotten cold in the trailer AC, against Jade’s cheek. “You know, just one more week and filming will be over and you’ll have a lot less to do. You should take it in while you can. All of this is pretty cool.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Jade agreed. “I know. I just…” She shrugged, rolling her eyes at herself. “I just miss spending time with you, is all.”</p>
<p>Tori melted. “In August, I’m all yours.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Jade grinned.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Tori smiled back.</p>
<p>“Alright.” Jade sighed. “Guess I better go see what Beth wants, then.”</p>
<p>Tori hummed in agreement, expecting Jade to leave, but she was still looking at her, soft eyes flicking back and forth between Tori’s. “What?” She said, suddenly self-conscious.</p>
<p>“You’re just gorgeous,” Jade said seriously. “I don’t think I’ve told you before.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Tori felt her cheeks up. “Well, there was that one time at Nozu you kinda said I was pretty.”</p>
<p>Jade snorted. “Yeah, okay, well. That barely counts.”</p>
<p>“You could tell me more,” Tori suggested playfully. “And see what happens.”</p>
<p>“Hmm,” Jade teased. “I’ll think about it.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” Tori smiled and leaned in to kiss Jade.</p>
<p>Jade sighed against her lips, a happy sound that made Tori’s stomach flip. “Okay.”</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>“Bye, then.”</p>
<p>Tori grinned. “Bye.”</p>
<p>With a last kiss to Tori’s lips, Jade stood up, fixed her hair, and pushed out of the trailer, the door shutting closed behind her. Tori closed her eyes again, intent on settling back into her nap, but she was smiling too much to fall back asleep.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>Filming on <em> Blood Rush </em> had wrapped.</p>
<p>In the next weeks, post-production would begin and by Christmas, it would be ready for promotion. Jade had told her the trailer was supposed to premier during the Oscars as part of the collaboration with the Academy. She said it didn’t mean anything, it wasn’t about to win awards or anything like that and it was all just a publicity thing, but still. Tori thought it was kind of unreal.</p>
<p>After everything, it still kind of felt like she had just been playing the lead in one of Jade’s school shorts, not an actual movie that actual people might see. She had no idea what this meant for her personally, especially with her music, but she couldn’t wait to see the opportunities it opened for Jade.</p>
<p>Still, that was all something to think about next year. For now, it was summer, just a Friday night after a long week of work, and Tori was about ready to pass out in her bed.</p>
<p>Her phone buzzed with a text.</p>
<p><b>Jade: </b>still awake?</p>
<p><b>Tori: </b>Yeah. What’s up?</p>
<p><b>Jade: </b>meet me somewhere?</p>
<p>Tori frowned, looking at the time. Why on Earth would Jade want to meet up at almost midnight?</p>
<p><b>Tori: </b>Where?</p>
<p><b>Jade: </b>that lot next to hollywood arts. do you know it?</p>
<p>Tori thought about her breakdown at Christmas with an uncomfortable twinge.</p>
<p><b>Tori: </b>Yeah I know it</p>
<p><b>Jade: </b>see you soon</p>
<p>Tori had no idea why Jade wanted to meet her in a sketchy parking lot at midnight, but she slipped on a pair of jeans and started the drive over anyway. She couldn’t help but wonder if this was it, after a long and convoluted setup, the final prank for Jade to pull the rug out from underneath her. It was certainly a Jade thing to do.</p>
<p>But things were different now, and Tori didn’t <em> actually </em>think Jade was up to anything. </p>
<p>Well, she thought as she parked the car, the lot dark before her. She hoped not anyway.</p>
<p>Jade was already there, leaning against her parked car. As Tori got out, she saw Jade had a set up going: a dark oblong shape and two folding chairs that she’d clearly stolen from the <em> Blood Rush </em> set that had <em> Jade West </em> and <em> Tori Vega </em> printed on them.</p>
<p>As Tori got closer, she realized the other object was a telescope.</p>
<p>“Um,” she said as she approached, “what’s going on?”</p>
<p>Jade pushed off from her car and put her hands in her jacket pockets, which Tori realized suddenly, was <em> her </em> jean jacket, given to Jade last summer and never returned.</p>
<p>“Is that my jacket?” She asked before Jade could respond to her first question.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” She offered Tori a small smile. “Thought I’d wear it one more time before I finally gave it back.”</p>
<p>“I see,” Tori chuckled. “And does that have to do with why we’re out in this sketchy parking lot at midnight? And what’s with the telescope? You didn’t buy that did you?”</p>
<p>Jade shook her head. “Borrowed it off one of the sorority vamps.”</p>
<p>Tori raised her eyebrows. “What for?”</p>
<p>“Well, I wanted to take you out, but the observatory closes at ten and this was the next thing I could think of.”</p>
<p>“Take me out?” Tori laughed in surprise. “Like... on a date?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Jade offered her hand out and Tori incredulously grabbed it. She pulled Tori to the telescope. “Look.”</p>
<p>It was already locked in and the sky was focused when she looked in, so Jade must have gotten here early to set it up. Tori couldn’t help the smile that broke over her face, even though she didn’t know exactly what she was looking at other than the stars. </p>
<p>There sure were a lot of them, though.</p>
<p>“Am I looking at something specific,” she asked, a little breathless as more stars came into the view the longer she looked.</p>
<p>“Ursa Major,” Jade said from next to her. “At least, I think.”</p>
<p>Tori pulled back from the telescope and looked up in the direction the telescope was pointing. Sure enough, there was the Big Dipper. Tori grinned and looked back through the telescope. “Oh. Wow.” She looked for another minute, marveling at the brightness of the stars even against the LA sky. Finally, she pulled back to give Jade an endeared look. “Jade.”</p>
<p>“I guess at the observatory they have guides and everything, but,” Jade shrugged. “I waited too long.”</p>
<p>Tori scrunched her nose. “Well, we could’ve gone tomorrow. Or whenever.”</p>
<p>“No, see,” Jade said seriously, but her lips quirked upward. “As of… twelve minutes ago, it’s officially August, and I wanted to make sure what you said was still true.”</p>
<p>Tori raised her eyebrows, matching Jade’s smile. “Which was what?”</p>
<p>“That you’re all mine,” Jade said, voice going quiet. “Because I want you to be. I want us to be, you know, each other’s.”</p>
<p> Tori went still, her breath caught in her throat. </p>
<p>“When you came back,” Jade continued, “You said last summer you hadn’t been sure I felt the same and that’s why you never said anything. The truth is that last summer, I wanted some kind of label, but before I could ask, you told me you were going to New York, and the timing felt bad, and I couldn’t, you know,”  Jade rolled her eyes, “work up the courage to ask you. But I wanted to, so. I’m asking now. I mean, I know we probably kind of are, but last summer, not making sure had been a mistake.”</p>
<p>Tori managed to inhale. “Wait, what exactly are you asking me?”</p>
<p>“To be my girlfriend.” Jade bit her lip, as if unsure of what Tori was going to say.</p>
<p>Tori, who had assumed this label since their coffee shop reunion, took in Jade’s face for a moment, admiring the slope of her jaw, the pretty blue of her eyes, the nervous twitch of her mouth. She realized, with an amused flip of her stomach, that this was not a classic Jade prank where she lured Tori in with niceties just to pull out the rug, but the opposite. A reverse bait-and-switch. </p>
<p>Oh, Jade.</p>
<p>She held her hand out, reaching for Jade, and Jade did not hesitate. She grabbed it, tangling their fingers together, and let Tori pull her in close.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’ll be your girlfriend” Tori said, her nose brushing Jade’s. “If you’ll be mine.”</p>
<p>Jade made a sound in the back of her throat. “Well, that was implied.”</p>
<p>“I thought it was implied after we met for coffee, so clearly these things need to be said.”</p>
<p>Jade huffed, but it was more a laugh than anything else, and Tori felt it on her lips. “God, you’re annoying.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Tori grinned. “But you like me. Like… a lot.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Jade agreed, her lips ghosting over Tori’s. “I really do.”</p>
<p>And then they were kissing, as girlfriends, as Jade-and-Tori, the two of them together. They had traveled so far, been so many things to each other, but now they were girlfriends. Now they were this.</p>
<p><em> Now this, </em>Tori thought again, with more conviction than she’d ever thought before.</p>
<p>
  <em> Now this. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>if you did not follow me from pp and are new to my writing, you should know i pretty much only write fics that are almost exclusively fluff with literally zero conflict. so this has truly been a ride but it's time i get back to my roots. there's one last chapter coming up and for all you fluff-lovers out there, they are straight up drowning in it. hope you will all stick around! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. long story short (jade)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Jade had spent months chasing this feeling. Months trying on obnoxious guys and annoying girls, months of misery and guilt and regret suffocating her from all sides. She had spent months knowing it was useless, months missing Tori, and now, at last, she felt she had everything she wanted, literally at her fingertips, all her wishes spoken into existence just like that."</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>bring on the fluffffffffff!!! sappy jade rise?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>August. Jade had blinked and July had passed her by, the summer almost over. Soon she would be packing up her things, moving into her new apartment, starting her second year of college.</p>
<p>But for now, it was still August, and she still had time.</p>
<p>“Stop! You’re gonna burn it.”</p>
<p>“No I’m not! I like it crunchy.”</p>
<p>“That’s not crunchy, it’s black.”</p>
<p>Tori stuck her tongue out. “Well, you do it if you’re such a good cook then!”</p>
<p>“Fine, hand over the spatula and I will!”</p>
<p>This is what August brought, apparently. She and Tori in Tori’s apartment, bickering about bacon as Tori cooked them breakfast. Or at least tried to cook them breakfast.</p>
<p>In the past, as recently as the spring even, Jade wouldn’t have believed anyone if they’d told her she’d end up waking up most mornings in Tori’s apartment, in Tori’s bed, with Tori’s arms around her.</p>
<p>But that was then, and this was now, and now, Jade was pretty used to waking up snuggled into Tori. Well, maybe not used to it, but she was… familiar with it. They’d been doing this for a little over a week now, and they had fallen into it almost too easily.</p>
<p>The cuddling, the holding hands, the breakfast in the morning. </p>
<p>They were dating. Like dating-dating. Like actual, for real, Slap-official girlfriends. </p>
<p>It was… whatever. No, it was fine. <em> Okay </em>, it was good.</p>
<p>Jade was happy. Like actually happy. Like a sing in the shower, smile for no reason, just because, kind of happy.</p>
<p>This was what they were doing now, Jade-and-Tori, <em> them </em>, no time-limit, no end-date, no reason to be anything else. It was August, and they were together, and Jade could see her future spread out in front of her, an endless string of days just like this:</p>
<p>Bacon on the stove, the morning sun on her face, and Tori Vega kissing her against the kitchen counter, looking like some kind of stupidly gorgeous walking advertisement for the world's hottest bedhead.</p>
<p>August. August was good.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>Okay, so, yeah, Jade’s definition of <em> good </em>hadn’t exactly been solid the past year. She knew that.</p>
<p>Whatever, though. When she said she was good now, she meant it. She was good.</p>
<p>She was more than good, actually, although it felt weird to think it because just a few months ago she had been so far from even being <em> fine </em> that the two might as well not even be in the same galaxy.</p>
<p>Now, though? Now she had a movie in post-production, a month to do whatever she wanted with her time, and a girlfriend.</p>
<p>A hot, talented girlfriend, who thought <em> Jade </em> was the best thing since sliced bread.</p>
<p>So when Jade said she was good, this time she knew it was true. </p>
<p>Because Jade was a realist. Even more, she was a cynicist, sometimes beyond the point of realism. So in that dark, hidden well of her heart that was no longer so dark or hidden, she knew she couldn’t have ever imagined a world in which she was twenty years old, had already written <em> and </em> directed her first feature film, and was in a functioning romantic relationship with Tori Fucking Vega.</p>
<p>There was just no universe in which Jade had thought that would be possible or <em> good </em>. </p>
<p>But that was then, and this was now, and now, Jade was living in a feeling. An unnamable, unspeakable feeling that made her stomach twist and her cheeks warm and her heart all disgustingly floppy. And she <em> liked </em>it.</p>
<p>So yeah, she meant it this time. For real.</p>
<p>She was good.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>There were things Jade should be doing, probably.</p>
<p>Answering a few emails, reviewing some of the post-production footage, getting ready to move to her new apartment.</p>
<p>Instead, she was doing nothing. Well, okay, that wasn’t completely true, although when her mom had walked by her room earlier and asked what she was up to, <em> nothing </em> had been her response.</p>
<p>No, Jade was doing something.</p>
<p>It was just something that was so embarrassingly inconceivable that she could not voice it out loud to anyone.</p>
<p>She was missing Tori.</p>
<p>Not like, in a sexy way even, which would have been vastly less embarrassingly inconceivable. Tori was hot, and she knew what Jade liked, and since they’d started officially dating, they’d had like, a lot of good sex.</p>
<p>No, Jade was missing Tori, like… emotionally. </p>
<p>It wasn’t a new feeling, exactly. She had missed Tori when she was in New York. But that had been different. They hadn’t been together, and Jade had thought she’d messed things up indefinitely, and that had been more of a heartbroken, regretful, achey kind of missing.</p>
<p>This way of missing was different. </p>
<p>This was restless and frustrating and, frankly, fucking stupid. Because she had seen Tori yesterday, and the day before that, <em> and </em> the day before that. Today, though, Tori had been busy with press stuff, and had been MIA all day.</p>
<p>But still. She should be able to handle one day without seeing Tori and be fine. </p>
<p>Like, come the fuck <em> on </em>.</p>
<p>And yet…</p>
<p>Jade sighed, rolling over in her bed and picking up her phone. Her heart almost beat out of her chest when she saw she had a notification that she’d missed.</p>
<p>She unlocked her phone and --</p>
<p>Her stomach sank. It was just some dumb email.</p>
<p>Then her phone buzzed in her hand.</p>
<p><b>Tori: </b>Hey. What are you up to?</p>
<p>Sweet Lord, thank fuck.</p>
<p><b>Jade:</b> nothing. what are you up to?</p>
<p><b>Tori: </b>Missing you 💖</p>
<p>And there went Jade’s heart, down into her stomach. She pressed her stupid traitorous smile into her pillow, took a deep breath, and typed back.</p>
<p><b>Jade: </b>same 🖤</p>
<p><b>Tori: </b>Just got finished. Come over?</p>
<p><b>Jade: </b>lol. is this a booty call</p>
<p>It was mostly a joke, because it obviously was, but they could do stuff like that now without it meaning anything, so.</p>
<p><b>Tori: </b>Lol. No I just want to hang out with you. I finally got that Scream movie you like? Did you know there’s a sequel??????</p>
<p>Several emotions flashed through Jade then, including fondness and happiness and some other mushy shit. The one that won out, though, was total incredulity.</p>
<p><b>Jade: </b>there’s like 4 of them tori omfg</p>
<p><b>Tori: </b>I know dork :) Just wanted you to roll your eyes. So are you coming or what?</p>
<p>Jade was basically already in the car.</p>
<p><b>Jade: </b>be there in 15</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>Okay, they were doing this.</p>
<p>Tori’s lips were on her neck and her fingers were brushing over Jade’s abdomen and they were totally doing this.</p>
<p>Not that Jade had really doubted they would, but maybe she did wonder if it had all just been a ploy to get her to come over and spend the night. But no, she’d gotten to Tori’s apartment and Tori had immediately pulled her into her bedroom, chattering on about really good Wanko’s deals and bargain bins.</p>
<p>Then she’d held up a <em> Scream </em> box set, grinning proudly at Jade, and slid the first DVD out of its case and into her DVD-rom. </p>
<p>That had been some time ago, and now Jade was sitting in between Tori’s legs, her back to Tori’s front, Tori’s arms around her, and they’d already made it through the first movie. So, yeah, okay, wow. They were doing this. </p>
<p>A movie marathon.</p>
<p>“Press play.”</p>
<p>“Okay, wait I’m just looking at the IMDB. I don’t get how so many cast members returned for the sequels.”</p>
<p>“You’re spoiling yourself for who doesn’t die!”</p>
<p>Tori chuckled, and Jade felt it on her skin. “Alright, alright. Geez.” She pressed a kiss to Jade’s neck, lifted her hand from around Jade’s waist, and clicked play on the movie.</p>
<p>“Your girl is in this one,” Jade said as the movie started. </p>
<p>She could feel Tori’s confused frown on her skin. “What girl?”</p>
<p>Jade pointed as the opening credits passed over the screen. <em> Sarah Michelle Gellar </em>. “Daphne Blake,” she smirked.</p>
<p>“Oh my God.” Tori laughed, and Jade felt her body shake with it. “Does she die? She <em> can’t </em> die!”</p>
<p>“Guess you’ll have to watch and find out.” Jade adjusted her position, settling more comfortably into Tori. “Have you seen <em> Buffy </em>?”</p>
<p>Tori shook her head. “Nuh uh. Should I?”</p>
<p>Jade shrugged. “You’d like her as Buffy and it’s pretty gay.”</p>
<p>“Ooh, okay. And it has vampires and creepy stuff, right? You like that stuff. Let’s watch it next.”</p>
<p>Jade chuckled. “I mean, it’s got like seven seasons and they all have like, twenty episodes or whatever. It’s kind of a big commitment.”</p>
<p>“Well,” Tori hummed, her thumb absentmindedly trailing over Jade’s stomach. "I'm not scared of a little commitment, so.” Jade blinked, feeling warm at such a statement, but Tori continued on like it was nothing. “Hey, if I were a vampire would you be mad if I turned you into one too?”</p>
<p>Jade opened her mouth at this topic change. Closed it. After a second, she snorted. “I guess not, but I’d probably just stake you first.”</p>
<p>“What! Even if we were already dating when I got turned into one?”</p>
<p>“Hmm.” Jade thought about it. “I guess if we were already dating, maybe. It’d be pretty hot to have a vampire girlfriend. I dunno if you’d be able to turn me, though. You’re not like, morally ambiguous enough.”</p>
<p>Tori huffed indignantly, and then Jade felt teeth on her neck, biting down playfully.</p>
<p>She squirmed. “Tori,” she warned, but it came out squeaky. Ugh.</p>
<p>Tori laughed darkly, her lips pressing to the spot. “Gotcha. You’re my vampire girl now, Jade West.”</p>
<p>“Oh my God,” Jade blushed out of secondhand embarrassment. <em> How </em> was she dating this person? “You are <em> so </em> lame. Like so lame.”</p>
<p>“Lame,” Tori agreed. “But committed. And you know, vampires live forever. Now <em> that’s </em> a big commitment.”</p>
<p>Jade furrowed her eyebrows, turning so she could look at Tori. “Are you trying to say something to me right now? Is that what’s happening?”</p>
<p>Tori immediately turned an adorable shade of pink. “No, I was just…” She shrugged, scrunching her nose, and they stared at each other, the movie playing in the background. Finally, Tori let out a breath, leaning forward to nuzzle her nose against Jade’s. “I just missed you today. That’s all.”</p>
<p>Jade kind of couldn’t breathe. There was an actual serial murder happening on the laptop screen, complete with blood and screams and stabbing, and Tori seemed fully unaware of it as she smiled shyly at Jade, her cheeks pink and expression soft. </p>
<p>Jade thought it was kind of like, the pinnacle of romance. </p>
<p>“Um,” she exhaled, lost in the warm brown of Tori’s eyes. “I... missed you, too.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>Tori grinned, her teeth bumping Jade’s lips. “A lot?”</p>
<p>Ugh. “Maybe.”</p>
<p>“Nice.” Tori smiled and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, lingering just enough to make Jade want more, before pulling back and returning her attention to the screen. “Shoot, wait, I missed the murder. Rewind!”</p>
<p>Jade’s heart pounded, her eyes fluttering open as Tori dragged the movie back to the opening credits.</p>
<p>Tori's arms circled tighter around her waist. “Wow, can’t believe you let me miss the beginning like that,” Tori teased. “So unlike you.”</p>
<p>Jade grunted, sinking back into Tori’s front, into the feeling of Tori having the upperhand, so familiar now and... not totally unwelcome. </p>
<p>Tori pressed another kiss to the side of her head as the movie started over, and okay, Jade thought again. So, they were doing this.</p>
<p>She just wasn't sure if she meant it about the movie marathon or something else.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>Tori was taking her to B.F. Wangs.</p>
<p>That’s the only reason Jade was in the mall on a Friday night in the middle of August, when she could be (and wanted to be) literally anywhere else. It’s just that these dumb restaurants were always attached to the stupid mall. </p>
<p>Fuck the mall.</p>
<p>“Can’t we just stop in and check it out?”</p>
<p>“No, I’m starving.”</p>
<p>Tori pouted. “What about after we eat?”</p>
<p>Jade groaned. “Why do I have to be here for shopping? Do I look like I want to be seen inside American Eagle?”</p>
<p>“I need someone to tell me if stuff looks good,” Tori whined, giving Jade’s hand a squeeze as they passed a few stores. “Dressing room mirrors can’t be trusted.”</p>
<p>“I can just tell you now and save myself the trouble. Yes, whatever it is, it looks good.”</p>
<p>Tori gave her a look, half-endeared, half-exasperated. “Okay, I find that hard to believe, though, considering I spent, like, three straight years listening to you make fun of my outfits.”</p>
<p>Jade rolled her eyes. “Well, that’s your problem if you believed everything I said when I was sixteen.”</p>
<p>“Wow, Jade. Just wow.”</p>
<p>Jade grinned. “Anyway. You’re hotter now and I think my style is rubbing off on you, so.” She gave a pointed look to Tori’s leather jacket and Tori scoffed.</p>
<p>“Okay, I had to wear this! You're literally wearing my denim jacket and you still have like three of my sweatshirts.”</p>
<p>“Once again, that’s your problem.”</p>
<p>Tori opened her mouth to respond when she was cut off by a very familiar inhalation of breath.</p>
<p>“Ohhhhh. Myyyyyy. Godddddddddddddd.”</p>
<p>Jade turned her neck so fast she nearly got whiplash. “Shit.”</p>
<p>They had just walked past the section of the mall where the stupid fucking Regal Cinemas was. Jade should’ve seen this coming. God. Why didn’t she see this coming?</p>
<p>“Jade!” Suddenly, she was being pulled into a very tight, very unwelcome hug. </p>
<p>She grunted. “<em> No </em>. Gretchen. Release me immediately.”</p>
<p>Gretchen laughed and let her go. “Hi. Oh my God. It’s so good to see you.”</p>
<p>“Hey, Jade,” said Greg, popping up next to Gretchen. They both had clearly just gotten off their shift, because they were still in uniform. </p>
<p>Jade looked back and forth between the two of them. “Um. Hi.”</p>
<p>They both looked... Pretty much the same. Greg had maybe grown a few inches and Gretchen’s hair was longer, but. Yep. Still fetus-twerps.</p>
<p>“And, wow! Hi, Tori!” Gretchen beamed, her eyes drifting down to Jade’s hand, which was still laced with Tori’s. “So you guys are still dating?”</p>
<p>Tori looked at Jade, lips twitching in amusement, and raised an eyebrow. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Jade said. “We’re… dating. And you’re still working here?”</p>
<p>“Yep, same old job” Greg said. “Old Man Boris died, though.”</p>
<p>Jade blinked. “What? Shut up.”</p>
<p>“Greg!” Gretchen slapped her brother on the arm. “No, he didn’t. He retired, you wazzbag.”</p>
<p>Greg laughed. “I just wanted to see what she’d say!”</p>
<p>“God, you guys are…” Jade bit her tongue on what she really wanted to say, which was slightly meaner, and instead said, “the same.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, duh? Why would we be different?” Gretchen gave her a look, then turned her attention on Tori. “Hey, by the way, Tori, loved the album! It was <em> so </em> good. Even Greg liked it.”</p>
<p>“Eh,” Greg shrugged. “I liked the music videos. Cool aesthetic.”</p>
<p>Jade rolled her eyes. “She lost your number, twerp, so give it a rest.”</p>
<p>Tori laughed and squeezed Jade’s hand. “Thanks guys.”</p>
<p>“Bummer you didn’t come back this summer, Jade,” said Greg. “There were some good releases this year.”</p>
<p>Gretchen nodded along next to him. “For once, we agree. <em> Mad Max </em> was awesome.”</p>
<p>Jade grunted. “You know I can watch movies without working here, right?”</p>
<p>“Well, <em> yeah </em>, but there’s no way you can watch them all.”</p>
<p>“Actually,” Tori said. “Jade was too busy making her own film this summer to really watch any of them, so.”</p>
<p>Both Greg and Gretchen looked at her. “What?” Gretchen said. “No way. Is that true?”</p>
<p>Jade just shrugged. “Guess you’ll have to wait and find out.”</p>
<p>“Ugh, what?” Greg whined. “Until when? What’s it about? And who’s in it?”</p>
<p>“Vampires,” Jade said, raising her eyebrows. “And Tori is in it.”</p>
<p>Gretchen looked back and forth between the two of them, eyes wide. “You <em> act </em>, too?”</p>
<p>Tori laughed. “Apparently.”</p>
<p>“Anyway!” Jade cut in. “It was really… something…. running into you guys, but we’re late for dinner, so.”</p>
<p>“Ugh,” Gretchen pouted. “Fine, but you <em> have </em> to come back if we end up screening your movie here.”</p>
<p>“Eh,” Jade shrugged.</p>
<p>Greg glanced at Tori. “Hey, so, if Jade starts to drive you nuts --”</p>
<p>Jade gave a very pointed tug on Tori’s hand. “Goodbye twerps.”</p>
<p>“-- You know where to find me!” Greg called after them.</p>
<p>Jade huffed, rolling her eyes, and Tori smirked at her. “Hey, think he’d go shopping with me?”</p>
<p>“Fine!” Jade snapped. “Take me to American Eagle! You want me to carry your bags, too? I will.”</p>
<p>“No,” Tori laughed, steering them toward B.F. Wangs. “I just wanted to make out with you in the dressing room. But actually you seem hangry and that’s not good for anyone. So let’s eat.”</p>
<p>Jade opened her mouth, then closed it. </p>
<p>Whatever.</p>
<p>Fuck the mall.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>The waiter was flirting with Tori. Like, actually flirting. Not sixteen year-oldish idiotic twerp flirting. </p>
<p>He was pushing his stupid, floppy hair off his forehead with a grin and Tori was handing him her menu, smiling politely back. Then he was walking away and Jade was glaring at him as he went.</p>
<p>And like. Okay. <em> Okay </em> . Jade wasn’t doing this. She <em> wasn’t </em>. Not again. </p>
<p>It’s just… despite trying to move away from this area of her life, she had, at one point, practically been the fucking mayor of the place, and maybe it wasn’t so easy to just forget her roots.</p>
<p>But come <em> on </em> . She was <em> not </em> dragging this bullshit back up in a fucking B.F. Wangs in the fucking mall. Not after everything. She wasn’t. She couldn’t.</p>
<p>“So you ready for some bang bang noodles?” Tori teased, taking a sip of her water and smiling at Jade across the table.</p>
<p>Jade nodded, trying to act like she hadn’t just pressed her fingers down into her own thighs so firmly she could feel her nails leaving half-moon crescents on the skin. </p>
<p>But Tori could clearly, as always, read her like an open book.</p>
<p>“Okay is this because I said I would take that kid shopping? You know I was kidding.”</p>
<p>Jade shook her head, her fingers clenching tighter. “No. I just forgot to ask for my refill.” It technically wasn’t even untrue, so.</p>
<p>Tori looked at Jade curiously for a moment, sizing her up. Then she let out a deep exhale.</p>
<p>“Jade.”</p>
<p>“What?” Whatever was coming was sure to be just great.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna go to the restroom.”</p>
<p>Or not. “Oh. Okay?”</p>
<p>“You’re not gonna ditch me in B.F. Wangs, are you?” Tori raised her eyebrows, lips quirking upward.</p>
<p>Jade thinned her lips, a little offended even if she knew Tori was just teasing her. “<em> No </em>.”</p>
<p>Tori grinned. “Okay, then, I’ll be right back.”</p>
<p>Jade grunted as Tori slid out of her side of the booth and walked away. And actually, that was fine, Jade thought. Maybe she was a little grateful for the momentary second to compose herself.</p>
<p>Because, okay, she needed to get a fucking grip. It was one stupid guy. Inconsequential, meaningless. Tori hadn’t even hardly looked at him.</p>
<p><em> These feelings pass </em> , she reminded herself. Tori was here with <em> Jade </em> . Tori <em> liked </em>her. Tori was her girlfriend, not scared of a little commitment, not afraid of Jade’s pointed corners and rough edges.</p>
<p>She could do this. </p>
<p>She could <em> do </em> this.</p>
<p>“Hmm,” Tori said, back from the restroom and sliding in next to Jade. “I was right.”</p>
<p>Jade blinked, thrown off by Tori suddenly all up in her space on her side of the booth. “I… About what?”</p>
<p>“Had to do a little recon of the restaurant to confirm, but yeah, nobody else’s date is as pretty as mine.”</p>
<p>Jade paused, stuck between blushing and rolling her eyes. “Oh my God.”</p>
<p>“So how was it?” Tori asked, her hand sliding over Jade’s underneath the table. She was forced to unclench her fingers as Tori’s tangled with her own. </p>
<p>“How was what?”</p>
<p>Tori raised her eyebrows. “That space I just gave you. To figure stuff out.”</p>
<p>A breath of air whooshed out of Jade. “Uh.”</p>
<p>Tori gave her a small smile, her nose scrunching cutely. “If you need some more, I can like, walk away and come back again?”</p>
<p>“No,” Jade rushed out. “No. I’m… We’re good.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Tori said, leaning in to brush her nose against Jade’s and lowering her voice, “because I’ve been looking at you all night and have decided I want less space between us. It’s kind of not fair how good you look in my jacket.”</p>
<p><em> Um. </em> Jade thought, and it was the only thought. </p>
<p>But then she couldn’t think anymore. Then she could barely even breathe, really, because Tori was kissing her. Like <em> actually </em> kissing her. Tori Vega was pressing her up against the back of the booth, kissing her, <em> with tongue </em>, in a fucking B.F. Wangs in the mall, and she couldn’t breathe.</p>
<p>Tori pulled back after a second, lingering, and Jade gasped for breath.</p>
<p>And apparently the waiter was back. “Everything still good over here?” He was saying, but Jade couldn’t even look at him. She was staring at Tori, her mouth hanging open surely, her cheeks burning hot.</p>
<p>“We’re great,” Tori said, giving him that polite smile again. “But I think my girlfriend might like a refill.”</p>
<p>Jade’s head was spinning and she still couldn’t think anything but <em> um </em>.</p>
<p>
  <em> Um??????? </em>
</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Tori must’ve said, and then she was turning back to Jade and the waiter was gone. “You wanted a refill, right?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Jade managed to get out, and she realized her fingers were holding Tori’s so tightly it kind of hurt. She squeezed once and let go. “Thanks.”</p>
<p>“Mhmm.” Tori gave her a happy smile, and pressed their lips together again, chaste and soft. Then she slid out of the booth and back to her own side of the table once again.</p>
<p>Jade looked at her, at her pretty warm eyes and that smile that made Jade’s stomach twist. She really was just so stupidly gorgeous. And she was Jade’s girlfriend.</p>
<p>That unnamable, unspeakable feeling that she’d been living in for weeks was suddenly so thick Jade could barely breathe for it all. But it was a good feeling, a Jade-and-Tori feeling, and Jade didn’t want it to stop.</p>
<p>Slowly, she put her hand on the table, palm up. Tori placed her hand on top, no hesitation, their fingers tangling together.</p>
<p>She beamed at Jade, and yeah, okay, there went Jade’s heart, down into her stomach. She smiled back, and she <em> knew </em> what it looked like, all soft and happy, but whatever.</p>
<p>She <em> was </em>.</p>
<p>She could do this, she thought, and for the first time, it resounded in her chest like a gong.</p>
<p>She could do this.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>Jade was in the mood.</p>
<p>Yeah. Not <em> a </em>mood. For once.</p>
<p><em> The </em> mood.</p>
<p>But obviously she was. Tori was driving her home, one hand on the wheel, the other on Jade’s thigh, and Jade couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss. Tori’s confident smile, her breath hot on Jade's lips. Her tongue in Jade’s mouth. </p>
<p>Her cheeks flushed just remembering it.</p>
<p>She glanced over at Tori from the passenger seat, just because it was still so unreal that they were together and she could shamelessly look at Tori as much as she wanted. Tori was hers and she was Tori’s, and Jade was living in an unnamable, unspeakable feeling, so thick and warm that she felt dizzy.</p>
<p>But Jade liked it, wanted it, was all about it, really.</p>
<p>Because here was Tori Vega, of the sexy restaurant kisses and confident smiles, and for some incomprehensible reason, she wanted Jade.</p>
<p>Jade, who was all rough edges and pointed corners and jealous insecurities. Jade, who had broken Tori’s heart a little just so that she wouldn’t break it a lot. Jade, who picked fights and kissed people she didn’t even like just to feel better, who kept score of every single time she’d been wronged, who had dug her own grave just to crawl her way out.</p>
<p>And still, Tori wanted her. Tori wanted slasher movie marathons, seven-season show commitments, Jade in her jacket as they walked hand-in-hand in the mall. She wanted bickering about breakfast and dressing room make out sessions and dropping Jade off at home after a date.</p>
<p>They had been something without actually being anything for so long, and now they were this, together, Jade-and-Tori.</p>
<p>And Jade was so fucking <em> good </em> she ached with it all.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Jade said as Tori pulled up to her house.</p>
<p>“Hey back.” Tori parked the car and turned to look at her, her hand squeezing Jade’s leg.</p>
<p>“I had a nice time with you tonight.”</p>
<p>Tori grinned happily. “Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Jade rolled her eyes. “Is that ever gonna stop surprising you?”</p>
<p>Tori teasingly raised her eyebrows. “Probably not.”</p>
<p>“‘Kay, whatever.” She tapped Tori’s hand on her lap. “Do you wanna come inside? I think my mom and Phil aren’t home.”</p>
<p>As soon as she said it, she internally cringed, knowing how it sounded, but she didn’t mean it like <em> that </em>.</p>
<p>Well. No. She meant it exactly like that. </p>
<p>And Tori seemed to know it. “Yeah,” she said, teeth biting over a smug little smirk that made Jade’s stomach completely bottom out. “I’d like that.” </p>
<p>Tori leaned over the console and kissed her, so slow and deep Jade could barely breathe, and when her tongue teased into Jade’s mouth, her heart nearly stopped.</p>
<p>Then Tori was pulling back, her happy laugh filling up the car, and Jade was jelly, an absolute puddle of arousal and melty warmth.</p>
<p>“Let’s go, then,” Tori said, still laughing, and Jade could do nothing but helplessly follow her out of the car, her heart clenching like a vice in her chest.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>It was working out, Jade thought, because she was living in a feeling. An unnamable, unspeakable feeling that made her toes tingle and her lungs weak and her skin warm.</p>
<p>She was swimming in it, sinking, really, but she didn’t want it to disappear.</p>
<p>Because she had spent months chasing this feeling. Months trying on obnoxious guys and annoying girls, months of misery and guilt and regret suffocating her from all sides. Jade had spent months knowing it was useless, months missing Tori, and now, at last, she felt she had everything she wanted, literally at her fingertips, all her wishes spoken into existence just like that.</p>
<p>Because here was Tori Vega, of the soft hair and sunshine smile, and she was hovering over Jade, her fingers making their way down Jade’s body, her eyes traveling over Jade’s face like she couldn’t get enough of it.</p>
<p>It was almost too much. It made her heart clench and her face hot and her head spin, and she looked away slightly, gasping for breath when Tori teased over her thighs.</p>
<p>“You okay?” Tori murmured, the thumb of her other hand ghosting over Jade’s cheek, and something in the not so dark and hidden well of Jade’s heart cracked open. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” she said, voice barely above a whisper. “I’m good.”</p>
<p>“You want me to stop?”</p>
<p>Jade shook her head, her grip behind Tori’s neck tightening. “No.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Tori smiled, matching Jade’s quiet tone. She pressed a soft kiss to Jade’s lips, her fingers continuing their path over Jade’s thighs until they finally slipped through her folds, and Jade shuddered. “You look so beautiful like this.”</p>
<p>Jade’s heart might as well have gone into cardiac arrest with how hard it clenched. “Tori,” she huffed, but it came out all soft. Ugh. </p>
<p>Tori laughed. “What? Am I not allowed to say that? What about pretty? Can I say that? Or,” she leaned in closer, their lips brushing, her fingers delicately pressing against Jade. “Can I tell you how sexy you look right now?”</p>
<p>Jade could <em> literally </em>not take this. She squirmed, that feeling overwhelming her chest, and when Tori finally slid inside her, she gasped, her whole body clenching.</p>
<p>“Hmm,” Tori hummed happily, her eyes still on Jade’s, and it was like drowning, almost, except she didn’t want it to stop.</p>
<p>It was <em> so </em> much. To want so many things she thought she’d never have, to have sunk the ship and somehow set it right again even better than before, to have Tori here, looking at her like <em> that </em>. </p>
<p>She shivered again, Tori’s fingers still building her up, her warm, brown eyes still locked on Jade’s. </p>
<p>And Jade… Jade couldn’t look away. Something in her wanted to, wanted to shut her eyes, to turn her head, to save face like she always did. But there was another part of her, a larger part, that didn’t want to. There was a part of her that wanted to stare into Tori’s eyes, unflinching, and let that feeling pull her under. </p>
<p>Tori must have seen something of that feeling in her face, because she leaned back slightly, expression curious, her fingers slowing. </p>
<p>Jade exhaled shakily and tightened her grip, pulling Tori closer again. "Don't move, Tori, I swear to God.”</p>
<p>Tori grinned, resuming her motion, curling her fingers deep inside Jade, and a whimper got caught in Jade’s throat. “Why, you like to look at me when I’m inside you like this?”</p>
<p>Jade blinked, her hips lifting to meet Tori's hand, her body clenching again around Tori’s fingers, and an incomprehensible sound left her lips.</p>
<p>Tori laughed. “<em> I </em> like when you look at me like this.”</p>
<p>“Oh?” Jade said, more of an exhale anyway, because it was sort of the only thing she could get out now, with Tori smiling like that, her fingers inside Jade <em> just so </em>.</p>
<p>“Mhmm.” Tori leaned in, trailing her nose over Jade’s cheek. “I love your eyes. And I love your smile. And I love being close to you like this.”</p>
<p>Jade’s heart was pounding in her ears. She couldn’t think. “Wow,” she managed, desperately trying to keep her wits about her despite the fact that she was definitely seconds away from coming undone and Tori was still looking at her like that. “It’s like you like me or something.”</p>
<p>Tori smiled and Jade felt it on her skin. “Yeah, I’m actually kind of super into you, in case you didn’t know.” She curled her fingers pointedly, her breath hot in Jade’s ear, and Jade gasped, her eyes finally closing. Her body shook and it shivered and it trembled, and then she was falling, over the edge and into that feeling, so good and so right and so… <em> Tori </em>.</p>
<p>Tori settled her weight down on top of Jade, grounding and warm and soft, and pressed their noses together. They laid like that for a moment, just breathing together, and Jade let that feeling overwhelm her, let it fill up her chest and her lungs until she was overflowing with it, unable to breathe properly. She was suffocating from it all, but she liked it.</p>
<p>Loved it, really.</p>
<p><em> Oh </em>, and there it was, so easy and clear at last. She knew that unnamable, unspeakable feeling, which was no longer so unnamable or unspeakable. Jade had known it before, although it had been some time since, several years, and she wasn’t sure she remembered it being quite like this.</p>
<p>Because it was different now. Before, with Beck, it had been a kind of expectant easiness. Of knowing where they both stood, of understanding each other.</p>
<p>But this time it was different.</p>
<p>Because here was Tori Vega, of the constant surprises and the ability to render Jade speechless, and Jade was in love.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>When Jade had first considered her not-so-straight sexuality, it had been solely based on the fact that girls were pretty hot. </p>
<p>It had nothing to do with feelings, truly, because Jade and girls did not get along. Girls were annoying and at fourteen years old, they’d hated the things that Jade liked, like weird bugs and fake blood and strange things in jars. At sixteen, they kissed your boyfriend and stole your roles and walked around school getting everything you ever wanted without even trying.</p>
<p>So no, it had nothing to do with her feelings. Jade was just not capable of liking girls enough to form that kind of relationship with them. She barely liked guys enough to do that, and even Beck had been a stretch. It had taken months and months of patience and learning each other and making out in Beck’s trailer before Jade had realized maybe she loved him. </p>
<p>And that had been good, had been fun and nice and she had been happy.</p>
<p>Or as happy as Jade ever was, anyway.</p>
<p>And when they had broken up, that last time especially, Jade had hurt. A lot. Because love was a process, a whole goddamn thing, and more often than not, it just didn’t work out. And if that was love with boys, who she had always gotten along with better than girls, then, Jade reasoned, loving girls was not exactly in the cards for her. </p>
<p>And Jade had spent so <em> long </em> living with the certainty that she would never, under any circumstances, like a girl enough to get this far. But as she had done time and again, she had underestimated Tori Vega, of the dumb jokes and bubbly laugh, and now she was right <em> here </em>, so close. And Jade, against all odds and instincts and need for self-preservation, loved her.</p>
<p>There.</p>
<p>It was like that, a certain and sure clicking into place, something solid to hold onto.</p>
<p>She loved Tori Vega, of the cheesy flirting and goofy grin.</p>
<p>Tori had come along and slid under Jade’s skin, had settled roots in her heart, had created mountains and castles and galaxies of complex feelings inside Jade that simply didn't compare to anything she had ever felt before.</p>
<p>And <em> God </em>, Jade thought. It was a fucking process, wasn’t it? It was a whole goddamn thing, this love business. It bit down on your heart and swallowed you whole, just to spit you back out and do it again. </p>
<p>It was, actually, the perfect kind of pain, the very epitome of misery that Jade enjoyed, but only now in retrospect, only now that she had it, that she was here with Tori, her nose nuzzling Jade’s, their bodies pressed together. Only now that she was Tori's and Tori was hers, Jade-and-Tori, together at last.</p>
<p>Because Jade had always been a realist. Even more, she had always been a cynicist, sometimes past the point of realism.</p>
<p>But that was then, and this was now, and now -- well, Jade was still a cynicist, but this feeling was past the point of any kind of philosophical ism. This feeling was just truth, and the truth was this:</p>
<p>Jade West was in love with Tori Vega.</p>
<p>And she was all about it.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>Jade didn’t know what to do with this feeling. </p>
<p>There had been a time when it would have scared her, when a fraction of it did, actually, terrify the fuck out of her, made her hit the brakes, ask for space she didn’t even really need.</p>
<p>But that was then, and this was now, and now, Jade didn’t want space. She wanted the opposite of space. She wanted the least amount of space between them as possible.</p>
<p>She wished there were more of her, because her two hands were not enough, her lips were not enough. There was only so much of Tori she could take in at once, and it was not enough, but she was trying, trailing slow kisses over Tori’s neck, her chest, that spot just below her navel that made her shiver.</p>
<p>Maybe Tori had been on to something, Jade thought, swept up in the changing expressions flitting across Tori’s face, the warmth of her eyes, her teeth biting over her bottom lip when Jade touched her just right. She had never felt closer to Tori than like this, and God, that should terrify her, but it didn’t.</p>
<p>After everything, it didn’t.</p>
<p>Because maybe Tori had been right. After all the things they had been to each other -- rivals, friends, whatever they had been last summer and in its aftermath -- now they were this, Jade-and-Tori, and it was kind of unbelievable just how right it felt.</p>
<p>Because maybe, as Jade had thought before, Tori was the one she was supposed to end up with. Tori with her endless patience for Jade’s shifting moods and her ability to read Jade like an open book and her relentless determination to always come back to Jade, even when she probably didn’t deserve it.</p>
<p>Maybe Tori was the one, Jade’s perfect Final Girl.</p>
<p>(But maybe she was getting ahead of herself.)</p>
<p>For now she was this: Jade’s girlfriend, looking like an unfairly gorgeous dream sprawled out on Jade’s bed, her hand squeezing Jade’s fingers like a lifeline as she fell apart under Jade’s reverent touch.</p>
<p>She was sort of everything Jade never knew she wanted, all the wishes she’d never thought to wish for come true, and Jade didn’t know what to do with that. So she looked at Tori looking at her, Tori smiling that goofy grin, and she embraced it, let it wash over her as they lay there together, so close and still not close enough.</p>
<p>She let it consume her, that feeling, like flying and falling at the same time, like an adrenaline rush, like a deep breath.</p>
<p>Like Tori Fucking Vega, pretty and perfect and everything Jade wanted, right here at her fingertips.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>Jade woke up immediately in a good mood.</p>
<p>There was no alarm, no obligations, nowhere to be. There was just the sun, barely muted through her closed curtains, the quiet in and out of Tori breathing, her arm slung over Jade’s waist.</p>
<p>Jade groggily reached for her phone, squinting at the time. Still early. Grunting, she rolled over, careful not to jostle Tori, so that she could look at her.</p>
<p>Tori was unfairly gorgeous, even in sleep. Her hair was in her face and her shirt, borrowed from Jade the night before, was all scrunched up around her torso. Looking at her, Jade’s stomach twisted, that ever-familiar sensation. She wondered if it would ever stop or if she would get used to it at all.</p>
<p>Probably not. That was fine. Good, even.</p>
<p>So this was what it was like, Jade thought absentmindedly, her sleepy brain catching on to some stray feeling flitting around in her heart. Being in love with Tori Vega. </p>
<p>Not terrifying, just this morning calm. Just this easy rightness, this home-feeling, this peaceful waking.</p>
<p>It was gross, kind of, how mushy Jade felt about it all. It hadn’t been like this with Beck. Not quite. That had been different, had been unbearable lows, and highs that were so high they had made her anxious, waiting for the other shoe to drop, even when sometimes it didn’t. And that had been good, for the most part, a trembly rush of excitement that Jade had liked.</p>
<p>But this was different. Of course it was. Because Tori was not Beck, she was Tori, and Jade was done making comparisons. </p>
<p>Because here was Tori Vega, of the tiny snores and sleepy pout, and Jade was all about her. </p>
<p>Yeah, she thought. This was gross, this morning sappiness, but it was what it was, and Jade was past the point of caring. If this was what it was like, being in love with Tori Vega, then fine, because Jade had always forged her own path in life, had always known what she wanted and went for it. In her relationships, her personality, her art. And why should her feelings for Tori be any different?</p>
<p>She had never been afraid to rock the boat, to make things more difficult than they needed to be. She had liked it that way even, had always welcomed a little turbulence, rough waters ahead. </p>
<p>But maybe that’s because that’s what she had been taught to expect. Her parents hadn’t exactly set a shining example, had they? And things with Beck had always been so push, push, push, and barely any pull to keep it even.</p>
<p>Jade had been a storm, a hurricane of destruction, but maybe because she’d had to be, to keep her own head above water. </p>
<p>She hadn’t felt that impulse in her so strongly recently. Tori had offered her a new view, the steady, safety of a sedentary shore -- certain, solid, constant. Still a rush, sure, that trembly excitement of going so fast you’re a little out of control, but without the fear of completely sinking the ship, of crashing against the rocks, of getting lost in the undertow.</p>
<p>They had done all that already, and now it was just this, the smooth sailing, the home-feeling, the easy in and out of Tori breathing in the morning.</p>
<p>It was gross, Jade thought, and she kind of loved it.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>Tori was still sleeping and Jade had to pee.</p>
<p>Carefully, she wiggled out from under Tori’s arm and slid out of bed. Tori shifted, an incomprehensible sound leaving her mouth, but otherwise stayed asleep. Jade smiled to herself and tiptoed out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. She did her business in the bathroom, and then because she was already up, decided to go get some coffee.</p>
<p>There was already coffee in the pot in the kitchen, so that meant her mom and Phil were awake, but thankfully there was no sign of either of them. Jade poured two cups, emptying the pot, and made her way back upstairs and into her bedroom.</p>
<p>Tori stirred when she shut the door behind her again.</p>
<p>“Mmm,” she hummed, peeking up at Jade with one eye, the other still closed and pressed to the pillow. “Where did you go?”</p>
<p>“Coffee,” Jade said simply, setting the mugs on her bedside table and sliding back into bed, sitting up against the headboard so she could drink her coffee.</p>
<p>Tori immediately snuggled in closer, settling her head in Jade’s lap, her icy toes wiggling under Jade’s calves.</p>
<p>Jade hissed at the feeling. “Tori.”</p>
<p>Tori laughed, a raspy morning thing. “You left and I got cold.”</p>
<p>“It’s the middle of summer, you freak.”</p>
<p>“Mhmm,” Tori yawned. “So keep me warm. People shouldn’t be cold in summer.”</p>
<p>“Ugh,” Jade grunted, but she didn’t really mind. She ran her index finger over Tori’s hairline, tucking her hair out of her face. “You’re so annoying.”</p>
<p>Tori smiled into her lap. “Yeah, but you like me. Enough to bring me coffee anyway.”</p>
<p>“Well, you’re not drinking it like that because if you spill it in my bed you’re dead to me.”</p>
<p>Tori chuckled, rolling over on her back to look up at Jade. “So you admit you like me.”</p>
<p>Jade snorted. “This isn’t news.”</p>
<p>“You think I’m gorgeous.”</p>
<p>“Okay?”</p>
<p>“And you’re crazy about me.”</p>
<p>Jade squinted. “It’s too early for whatever’s happening right now.”</p>
<p>Tori smiled, bright like the morning sun. “I’m just really happy, that’s all.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Jade said, her body warming, her stomach twisting. “Me, too.”</p>
<p>Tori beamed. “Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Jade rolled her eyes. “Always the tone of surprise.”</p>
<p>“Well at one point you had us all convinced you hate being happy, so.”</p>
<p>Jade shrugged. “If you believed everything I said when I was sixteen then that’s your problem.”</p>
<p>Tori huffed and reached up to lightly push her palm in Jade’s face. “Gank.”</p>
<p>Jade laughed, pulling Tori’s hand away and tangling their fingers together. “Yeah. Take it or leave it, babe.”</p>
<p>“Mmm,” Tori hummed, looking up at Jade with the most disgustingly enamored expression Jade had ever seen. “Take it, I guess.”</p>
<p>“Great. Stop looking at me like that.”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Jade scrunched her nose. “Fine.”</p>
<p>“Good.”</p>
<p>“Fine.”</p>
<p>“Can I have my coffee now?”</p>
<p>“Fine.”</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>They spent the day lazing about in Jade’s room, watching TV, scrolling on their phones. Jade suggested they drive down the coast before dinner, and Tori had agreed, so now Jade was fiddling with her camera, making sure the battery was charged and she had enough memory for the day.</p>
<p>Over on the bed, Tori was reading, her glasses sliding down her nose every so often. She had plucked a book from Jade’s shelf about an hour ago and immediately sunk into silence, the only sound the quiet rustle of paper whenever she’d turn the page. </p>
<p>The afternoon sun was bright on her face, streaming in through Jade’s window, the curtains now open. Jade found herself looking up from what she was doing every few minutes just to admire her. She really was just stupidly gorgeous, and getting more so every day, although Jade didn’t know how that was possible anymore.</p>
<p>After about an hour of this, it wasn’t enough to just look. She hummed to herself, reaching for the right lens and attaching it to her camera. She rolled her desk chair over a few inches, holding the camera up to her eye. </p>
<p>The light wasn’t perfect, but it was soft and kind on Tori’s features anyway. She snapped a few pictures, but the sound of the shutter must have alerted Tori to what she was doing, because she looked up with a frown.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?”</p>
<p>“Don’t move.”</p>
<p>Tori huffed. “Jade.”</p>
<p>Jade took another picture. “What?”</p>
<p>“I haven’t showered and I don’t have my contacts in.”</p>
<p>“So?” Jade scooted her chair a few more inches to the left, finding the best angle. “The lighting is nice.”</p>
<p>“I look gross.”</p>
<p>Jade frowned, still peering through the lens. “You’re beautiful, stop.”</p>
<p>Tori froze, her cheeks pinking, and she glanced away from Jade. Jade’s trigger finger went nuts.</p>
<p>“Don’t move,” she said again, and this time Tori stayed still, her face in profile, while Jade snapped another dozen pictures.</p>
<p>Finally, she lowered the camera, and Tori turned back to her, her eyebrows raised, cheeks still pink. “Is this what dating you is like? I’m gonna be the subject of all your artistic projects?”</p>
<p>Jade shrugged. “It’s not my fault the camera loves you.”</p>
<p>“Oh, the camera, huh?”</p>
<p>Jade immediately flushed and the air whooshed out of her lungs and it felt like all her internal organs rearranged themselves inside her body. “Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Right.” Tori’s lips quirked upward. “Send me one for my Insta then. So I can show the world how much <em> the camera </em>loves me.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Jade said, voice quieter than she meant it to be, still trying to catch her breath.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Tori agreed, and Jade still couldn’t breathe.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>“Would you rather be an eagle or a penguin,” Tori asked her as they made their way downstairs, getting ready to leave.</p>
<p>Jade furrowed her eyebrows. “Why?”</p>
<p>“Just answer the question.”</p>
<p>“What the fuck kind of question is this? I don’t know?” Jade frowned. “A penguin?”</p>
<p>Tori’s arms immediately circled her from behind, trapping her wrists against her sides. She pushed Jade forward, walking her down the hall.</p>
<p>“What is happening?”</p>
<p>“You’re a penguin,” Tori laughed, her back pushing up against Jade’s, their legs awkwardly tangling together as they walked. “This is how you’d walk if you were. You’d waddle.”</p>
<p>As if to prove her point, she waddled Jade another few steps toward the kitchen.</p>
<p>“You’re so fucking weird.”</p>
<p>“You’re the one who chose penguin,” Tori reasoned, and Jade felt her smile against her cheek. </p>
<p>“Let me go,” Jade huffed, but a laugh pushed its way out of her throat. </p>
<p>Tori waddled her a few more steps, and despite herself, Jade’s entire body shook with laughter. “Or what?”</p>
<p>“<em> Tori </em>,” Jade warned, but she was giggling so hard she almost couldn’t get it out. “I swear to God.”</p>
<p>“Sorry what was that? Couldn’t understand you.” Tori was grinning widely now, her nose tucking against Jade’s neck. </p>
<p>“I’m going to…” But she didn’t even know and she was gasping for breath, trying to get her laughter under control.</p>
<p>Tori waddled her into the kitchen, her chin on Jade’s shoulder. “Sounds like an empty threat. I can’t believe people are scared of you. You’re just a big softie.”</p>
<p>Jade gasped, her mouth falling open, her body still shaking with giggles. She was trying to respond, when someone cleared their throat.</p>
<p>Jade immediately stopped laughing, head whipping around to see Phil sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee. He gave a wave. “Hey there.”</p>
<p>Oh my God. Jade immediately blushed, speechless.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Tori chirped, her arms still around Jade from behind. “Phil, right?”</p>
<p>“You got it. Nice to see you again, Tori.” His eyes flickered to Jade and she kind of wanted to die on the spot or at least knock Phil into an unconscious amnesiac state, but Tori’s arms still had her trapped. “What are you girls up to?”</p>
<p>“We’re gonna go for a drive. Maybe get some dinner,” Tori said, chin on Jade’s shoulder, like this was a perfectly normal way to have a conversation with the man your girlfriend’s mom was dating.</p>
<p>Phil nodded. “Sounds fun.”</p>
<p>“Actually that reminds me,” and Tori’s arms finally fell away from Jade’s body. “I left my wallet upstairs. Be right back.” She kissed Jade once on the cheek, and then she was thumping back up the stairs, leaving Jade alone, here, with fucking Phil.</p>
<p>Phil gave her a look. “You guys are back together, then?”</p>
<p>Jade grunted. “Not that it’s your business, but yes.”</p>
<p>Phil chuckled, unbothered by Jade’s attitude. “Mmm. Good for you.”</p>
<p>“Thanks.”</p>
<p>“Looks really miserable,” Phil teased, raising his eyebrows. “I can see why you broke it off.”</p>
<p>Jade gaped, her cheeks warm, but her sarcastic response was cut off by Tori’s steps on the stairs. Half a second later, she reappeared in the doorway to the kitchen.</p>
<p>“Ready?” She grinned, holding out her hand to Jade. Jade glanced back at Phil, who was smiling at her, a little smug, but a little nice, too.</p>
<p>Whatever.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” she said, grabbing Tori’s hand. </p>
<p>“Nice seeing you again,” Tori called to Phil over her shoulder as she tugged Jade out of the kitchen.</p>
<p>“You too! Drive careful, Jade.”</p>
<p>Jade rolled her eyes. “Yeah. Whatever.”</p>
<p>“He’s nice,” Tori said as soon as they were out of the house. “I like him.”</p>
<p>“Eh,” Jade shrugged. “He’s fine.”</p>
<p>Tori laughed. “You like him.”</p>
<p>“<em> Like </em> is a stretch.”</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>Jade grunted, but maybe she didn’t like, totally disagree. Ugh. </p>
<p>Yeah. Whatever.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>Jade was starting to wonder how half the world wasn’t in love with Tori Vega.</p>
<p>She was talented and she was cute, charming and likable, and when she walked down the beach, sandals dangling from her fingers, breeze blowing her hair back, she was gorgeous in the kind of way that made people stop and stare.</p>
<p>Not that the beach was full of people, but if it was, Jade was sure they would be stopping and staring.</p>
<p><em> She </em> was stopping and staring, anyway.</p>
<p>But maybe it’s because Tori was in those tiny frayed shorts and Jade’s grungy, black zip-up hoodie, or maybe because she was smiling absentmindedly, a happy sort of smile that made Jade’s heart feel all melty and weird. </p>
<p>Because Jade was the reason for that smile, wasn’t she? Hadn’t Tori said as much earlier? She was <em> happy </em>, like a smile for no reason, tease Jade in the morning, kind of happy. </p>
<p>And maybe it wasn’t <em> all </em> because of Jade, because Tori had a lot going for her, to be sure, but it was definitely <em> partially </em>because of Jade, and that was… nice.</p>
<p>“Jade,” Tori called, plopping her butt on the sand and turning to look down the beach. She brought her hand up to shield her eyes from the setting sun as she looked for Jade, who had stopped to stare and fallen behind. “What are you doing?”</p>
<p>“Nothing,” Jade said. “Just looking at the view.”</p>
<p>“Well, come help me pick a place to eat.”</p>
<p>Jade nodded, making her way toward Tori. She eased down beside her and glanced at Tori’s phone, where she was Googling places to eat around the area.</p>
<p>As she watched, a notification popped up on the screen, someone commenting on Tori’s Instagram post. </p>
<p><b>miss_sashasuarez: </b>WOW obsessed with everything about this, so hap…</p>
<p>And then the notification disappeared because Tori had immediately swiped it off the screen.</p>
<p>Jade glanced over at her, surprised to see Tori blushing and flustered. She raised her eyebrows. “Who’s Sasha Suarez?”</p>
<p>“Nobody,” Tori blurted out quickly. Way too quickly. Jade opened her mouth to respond, but Tori seemed to realize she had given herself away because her hand suddenly slid over Jade’s knee and she said, “Someone I met in New York.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Jade frowned. “Like… <em> someone </em>?”</p>
<p>“Um.” Tori scrunched her nose. “Not really.”</p>
<p>Jade gave her a skeptical look. “Not really? What does <em> that </em> mean?”</p>
<p>“Well,” Tori began, and she glanced at Jade nervously. “It was right before I came home. Like, two days before. And I was out with my friends, and Jack and Juan were all like, <em> this girl is gonna change your life, Tori </em> , and I was like, <em> okay??? </em>, so I met her and we danced and then she invited me out to breakfast.”</p>
<p>Jade nodded, waiting for more, but nothing came. “Oh. Is that it?”</p>
<p>“Um,” Tori exhaled. “Kind of.”</p>
<p>“Tori,” Jade rolled her eyes. “Just tell me. I’m not mad if you were with other people. I was.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I just…” She tilted her head to the side. “Nothing even happened.”</p>
<p>Jade hummed. “But… you wanted it to?”</p>
<p>“Um. No, not really.”</p>
<p>Despite herself, Jade laughed. “Okay? What’s the big deal?”</p>
<p>Tori flushed even pinker, if that was possible. “She was unreal, Jade. She was like, the sexiest girl I’ve ever seen. Besides you.”</p>
<p>Jade snorted. “Right. Okay, let me see her.”</p>
<p>“See her?” Tori’s eyes widened. “Um, yeah, okay.”</p>
<p>Tori pulled up Instagram and navigated to the mysterious Sasha Suarez’s profile, handing Jade her phone. And yeah, okay, Jade thought, taking in this girl’s smile and overall vibe of confidence. She was pretty sexy.</p>
<p>“She has nice hair,” Jade commented and Tori let out a deep exhale.</p>
<p>“It was like, the most perfect hair I’ve ever seen.”</p>
<p>Jade peered at Tori, holding back a laugh. “Are you <em> sure </em> you didn’t want anything to happen? Sounds like you’re into her, Vega.”</p>
<p>Tori groaned, flopping backward on the sand dramatically. “I mean, maybe on the surface I kind of did because she was so fun and gorgeous and nice. But…” Tori huffed, turning her head to look up at Jade. “She read me so hard I swear she saw inside my mind.”</p>
<p>“What does that mean?”</p>
<p>“Well, I was sitting there eating breakfast and kind of wondering if the night was gonna go anywhere because it sort of seemed like it would. And then all of a sudden out of nowhere she goes, <em> so what’s her name? </em> And I was like <em> who? </em> And she was like, <em> that girl you’re thinking about </em>. And then she proceeded to tell me how I was obviously still into you.”</p>
<p>Jade frowned, not following. “Into... who?”</p>
<p>Tori emphatically gestured toward Jade. “Into <em> you </em>.”</p>
<p>“Into me?” Jade blinked. “She doesn’t even know me. Or us.”</p>
<p>“I know!” Tori covered her face with another groan. “She wasn’t <em> wrong </em> , though, but it was like, <em> so </em> much, and I wasn’t even embarrassed because she just, like, has this way about her. And then, oh my God, Jade. She paid for the coffee and I <em> apologized </em> for like, totally wasting her time, and she said she hoped it works out between me and you, and that I was lovely, and then she kissed me goodbye and <em> walked away </em>!”</p>
<p>“She kissed you and walked away?” Jade asked, amused, and Tori nodded. “Wow, her willpower. Couldn’t do it, personally.”</p>
<p>Tori whined, but it morphed into a laugh. “Jade.”</p>
<p>“She sounds batshit.”</p>
<p>“<em> Jade </em>,” Tori said again, but she was really laughing now, her hands falling away from her face. “Do not insult Sasha Suarez. She’s basically the reason I even had the courage to try to get you back.”</p>
<p>Jade softened and she reached for Tori’s hand. “Come on, we would’ve found our way back. It’s like you said. After everything we went through, our messy history and everything? No way that was the end of us.”</p>
<p>Tori exhaled, giving Jade’s hand a squeeze. “No, I know. You’re right. We’re kind of meant to be, right?”</p>
<p>“Sure, if you wanna be all gross about it.”</p>
<p>Tori grinned, happy and bright. Then it softened, and she scrunched her nose cutely. “Jade.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
<p>All the air whoosed out of Jade, her mouth going dry. She looked down at Tori, lying back against the sand, smiling up at her, and she felt so warm, from the inside out, that she was practically burning up in the feeling.</p>
<p>“I love you, too,” she said after a moment, and it came out so quiet she barely heard herself over the waves. Tori heard her, though, and she beamed, a smile so wide that Jade’s cheeks hurt just looking at it. She opened her mouth, but Jade cut her off. “I swear to God if you say <em> really </em>? all surprised right now, I’m gonna lose my mind.”</p>
<p>Tori paused. “Well.”</p>
<p>“Yes, <em> really </em>.” Jade rolled her eyes. “It’s not so unbelievable, is it?”</p>
<p>Tori bit her lip around another smile, shaking her head. “No. You totally love me.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Tori laughed. “I love you, too.” She pushed herself back into a sitting position and leaned in close, her nose bumping Jade’s. “Hey, when we were in high school, did you ever think we’d be in love?”</p>
<p>“Hell no,” Jade laughed. She pressed her lips to Tori’s happily. “Did you?”</p>
<p>Tori hummed. “Yeah, it was pretty obvious.”</p>
<p>Jade leaned back, shooting Tori an incredulous look. “Really?”</p>
<p>“No.” Tori smirked. “Gotcha.”</p>
<p>“Ugh,” Jade huffed, but she let Tori pull her in close again. “You’re so annoying.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Tori agreed. “But you <em> love </em> me.”</p>
<p>Jade rolled her eyes, but the words made her stomach twist. “Yeah. I love you.”</p>
<p>“Wow.” Tori laughed, that happy, beautiful, laugh. “Let’s take a selfie.”</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>Tori grinned. “That was easy.”</p>
<p>Jade sighed. “Just take the picture.”</p>
<p>Tori grabbed her phone from Jade and opened the front-facing camera. She held it up in front of them. “You gotta smile.”</p>
<p>“No I don’t.”</p>
<p>“Please?”</p>
<p>Jade groaned. “Fine.” She smiled. </p>
<p>Tori huffed, looking at the reflected image of them on the phone. “That looks fake.”</p>
<p>“Sorry.” Jade turned her head so she was looking at Tori. “I’m bad at this stuff, you know this.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but I still love you.”</p>
<p>Jade’s heart gave a particularly firm <em> thump </em> against her ribcage, and she softened.</p>
<p>Tori’s phone <em> clicked </em>, the telltale camera sound, and Jade turned to look at the phone. “Wait, I wasn’t looking.”</p>
<p>“Too bad.” Tori grinned. “It’s perfect.”</p>
<p>Jade frowned. “What? No. Let me see it.”</p>
<p>Tori pulled the picture up and Jade braced herself… but, no, Tori was right. Tori was being very <em> Tori </em> , smiling goofily for the camera, and Jade… Well, Jade was looking at Tori, eyes soft, cheeks pink, and though she wasn’t quite smiling, she was clearly <em> happy </em> and, she thought with a pang, <em> in love </em>.</p>
<p>It was totally gross and yeah, kind of perfect.</p>
<p>“Can I upload it?” Tori asked.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Jade agreed. Then she raised her eyebrows teasingly. “But wait, first I want to see what Miss Sasha Suarez was <em> sooo </em>obsessed with.”</p>
<p>Tori flushed again, but pulled up the picture in question. It was one Jade had taken earlier and sent to Tori: Tori in her bed, wearing Jade’s shirt, her cute little glasses on her nose. And she was undeniably gorgeous in profile, her face turned toward the sunny window, cheeks flushed, expression soft.</p>
<p><b>torivega: </b> this is how she sees me 😳 still feels like a dream<br/>
                📸: my 💖 <b>@jadewest</b> </p>
<p>And underneath:</p>
<p><b>juanrivera: </b>you are absolutely stunning!!!!!!!! 😍😍😍 (jack says hi!)</p>
<p><b>kitcatvalentine: </b>Omg tori! In love with this pic. Can’t wait to see you. </p>
<p><b>miss_sashasuarez: </b>WOW obsessed with everything about this, so happy for you and Jade!!! You are just gorgeous.</p>
<p>
  <em> 238 other comments </em>
</p>
<p>"Well," Jade said, thinking actually, yeah, maybe half the world <em> was </em> in love with Tori Vega. But Tori Vega was in love with <em> Jade </em>, so. They could have it. Whatever. "They're not wrong."</p>
<p>Tori made a disbelieving sound. “It’s hard to look bad when the photographer is so talented.”</p>
<p>Jade rolled her eyes. “The lighting was good.”</p>
<p>“Fine,” Tori said. “But you’re still talented. Let’s just agree it was both.”</p>
<p>“Compromise,” Jade grinned. “It’s the only thing holding this relationship together.”</p>
<p>“And love.”</p>
<p>Jade laughed. “Fine. And love.”</p>
<p>“Mhmm.” Tori kissed her again, then pushed herself up and dusted the sand from her legs. She held her hands out to Jade. “Come on, I’m starving. Let’s eat and then you can take us home.”</p>
<p>“Deal.” Jade grabbed her outstretched hands, letting Tori pull her up, and together they made their way back to the car.</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>
  <b>Cat posted in the group - DIDDLYBOPS</b>
</p>
<p><b>Cat: </b>REUNION TIME!!!!! August 29th at The Black Box!!! 7pm!!!!!!</p>
<p><b>Beck: </b>see you then</p>
<p><b>Andre: </b>Wild. Gang all back together</p>
<p><b>Robbie: </b>Looking forward to it</p>
<p><b>Tori: </b>Jade and I will be there 😄</p>
<p><b>Cat: </b>AHHHHHH still sooooo happy for you both</p>
<p><b>Robbie: </b>I don’t get how you guys are dating. It doesn’t make sense</p>
<p><b>Cat: </b>Yes it does Robbieeee</p>
<p><b>Beck: </b>ya</p>
<p><b>Andre: </b>Yep</p>
<p><b>Robbie: </b>?????? Okay maybe I was missing something in high school</p>
<p><b>Jade: </b>your father was missing something when he decided to sleep with your mom you dipwad</p>
<p><b>Tori: </b>:/ Jade</p>
<p><b>Jade: </b>:/ ugh whatever. see you at the reunion</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>Her friends were coming home. </p>
<p>A year and a half since they’d all gone their separate ways, and now, at last, they were coming back.</p>
<p>It was weird, Jade thought as she stood in front of her mirror getting ready. It was weird to have been the only one who hadn’t left, but maybe it was kind of fitting. Since she’d been a child and her dad had skipped, off with his new family, Jade had always thought she was just bound to be that person. The person people left.</p>
<p>Beck had left. Her friends. Tori. </p>
<p>They all had gone, these golden people with golden dreams, and Jade had been stuck on the outside. She had never really matched up with what they wanted her to be, with her horror obsession and her abrasive personality and her stubborn determination to change for nobody. She had just never fit quite right here. Not with this golden town, her schoolmates, her friends. </p>
<p>She was destined, she had thought, to be on the outside looking in, and honestly, she’d preferred that. Sure, sometimes it had gotten the better of her, but for the most part, she had been fine.</p>
<p>People left, and that was that, and Jade had always thought she looked better in retrospect anyway.</p>
<p>“You ready?”</p>
<p>Jade glanced away from her reflection in the mirror to see Tori looking at her. “Just about.”</p>
<p>“Yay,” Tori grinned. “I’m so excited everyone is finally coming back.”</p>
<p>“Eh,” Jade shrugged, looking back to the mirror. “I could do without Robbie, honestly.”</p>
<p>Tori laughed, and it sent Jade’s heart into hyperdrive. “I dunno,” she said. “I’m not gonna lie, I sort of thought we might never be in the same place again as a group. We’re all just doing such different things now.”</p>
<p>“Mmm,” Jade hummed. “I guess.”</p>
<p>"But," Tori said lightly. “Maybe the right people just have a way of coming back to you, though.”</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Jade agreed, voice going soft as Tori stepped up behind her, wrapping her arms around Jade from behind. </p>
<p>Jade had always thought she’d be the one to be left, but here was the living contradiction: Tori Vega, of the love confessions and Jade’s whole heart, proving Jade wrong time and again.</p>
<p>Because Tori had come back to her. Tori had <em> always </em> come back to her.</p>
<p>God, Jade thought, looking at their reflections in the mirror. If she could show sixteen year-old Jade her life now -- that Jade from Tori’s first day who had taken one look at the pretty new girl talking to her boyfriend and decided she was Enemy Number One. She would do it in a heartbeat. </p>
<p>Look, she would say. All that stuff doesn’t matter. Every little jealous insecurity, petty grudge, stupid anxiety you conjured up out of nothing. They’ll burn themselves out, they’re nothing. Those years you’ll spend holding onto all that rage because of one instance with one girl, and here she is now, and she feels like <em> good </em> and <em> right </em> and <em> home </em>.</p>
<p>She is Tori Vega, of Jade-and-Tori, and you love her and she loves you and all that past stuff doesn’t matter.</p>
<p>But she could not tell her past self any of that. And anyway, maybe she didn’t need to. Maybe she had to work herself through it so that when she got out on the other side, she could appreciate it like this. She could look at them, their reflections in this mirror, so different and still together, and think, yeah, after all that, how could it not mean something?</p>
<p>It had to mean something because Jade was ready now. She had spent so long chasing that feeling, the feeling that walked with her every day now, the feeling she lived in, so thick and warm and good. And at last she was finally ready. Ready to embrace it, to let it wash over her, to sink into it until she couldn’t feel anything else.</p>
<p>“You’re really gonna wear my jacket to this thing?” Tori asked, her hands slipping in the pockets, chin settling on Jade’s shoulder. Her reflection raised its eyebrows and Jade laughed.</p>
<p>“It’s kind of my jacket now.”</p>
<p>Tori huffed. “Um, no. One day I’m gonna get it back.”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Jade said. “One day. Not today, though.”</p>
<p>“Fine.”</p>
<p>“Fine.”</p>
<p>Tori turned her head, her nose pressing into Jade’s cheek. “You look hot in it anyway.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Jade said, but her stomach did that ever-present twisting she was so familiar with now. She wasn’t used to it, thought she probably never would be, but that was fine. It was whatever. It was good.</p>
<p><em> Jade </em> was good.</p>
<p>“Hey,” she said, turning her head to look at Tori, and their noses brushed.</p>
<p>“Hey back.”</p>
<p>“Love you.”</p>
<p>Tori’s smile was brighter than the sun, and something in that not so dark and hidden well of Jade’s heart completely cracked open, splitting at the seams. “Love you, too.” She squeezed Jade tighter and pressed their lips together, slow and deep, and when her tongue brushed Jade’s, Jade squirmed.</p>
<p>Tori pulled back, leaving Jade a breathless puddle of gooey mush.</p>
<p>“Come on,” she said, releasing Jade’s middle. “We’re gonna be late.”</p>
<p>She held out her hand and it wasn’t weird anymore, to lace their fingers together, no reservations, no hesitation. It was easy to be together, to live in this feeling, to love Tori Vega.</p>
<p>So now she would see her friends, her friends who, like Tori, were coming back, at least temporarily. But now it would be different, because she wasn’t just sixteen year-old Jade anymore.</p>
<p>Now she was this Jade. A better Jade. A grown Jade. </p>
<p>And now she was Tori’s and Tori was hers, and they were finally Jade-and-Tori, the two of them together and in love, and Jade?</p>
<p>Jade was good.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Long ass final A/N:</p>
<p>1) If you made it to the end, thank you for reading. To all the commenters: I see you and I appreciate you and I love you sm!!!<br/>2) I do not know if i will ever write jori again but hopefully i will bc i do love them. if you like my writing, perhaps you will consider reading some of my other ships. thank u again.<br/>3) SELF PLUG #1: some time in the next few weeks I will be on an upcoming episode of the pp podcast PITCHSLAPPED bc i am coordinating bemily week (begins march 7th and hopefully i will be creating content!!!). to hear me gush about bemily or to just laugh at my voice, consider tuning in!!! <a href="https://pitchslapped.tumblr.com/">pitchslapped.tumblr.com</a><br/>4) SELF PLUG #2: i do have a <a href="https://www.ko-fi.com/angelachiarmonte">kofi</a> if you are interested... i do work two jobs still and sometimes i cry about it so anything helps if you feel so inclined<br/>5) SELF PLUG #3 (FINAL lol): i am on tumblr at <a href="https://emilyjunk.tumblr.com/">emilyjunk</a>. im always taking prompts even if im not always answering. feel free to stop by my inbox to drop a prompt, a pun, a comment, a question, or anything at all!<br/>6) okay last thing: thanks again to everyone who read. you are the bomb dot com dot org dot edu dot uk but not dot net bc in the words of semi-adjacent fandom fave miss carly shay "dot net is for nerds." most of all, thanks to the other half of my brain, Mo, who does not even go here but read all of this in advance for me and kept me sane while i abandoned her for a month to write this. love u bb<br/>7) Stay healthy, stay safe, spread the love, and tell your frenemies that from certain angles they look pretty 💜 love to u all - angie</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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